A
female
age
,
*.Snyder
writes:Well,the last time I told all about my husband playing with himself at work and losing his job. He worked at night by himself, but someone caught him and he has done this before. Just never got caught. I asked him time after time and he is getting counseling. He says he does not know why he did this and then he will say he is retarted. I know he is somewhat slow, but I do not know what would make a man decide to whip out your bird and start fiddling. What the hell? I kind of thought that when his ex put him in jail every other month that this was what he did in jail, and he got in that mental state. I dont know. Why, why, would you do that? He is so sorry that he hurt me and knows what he did to his job and us. I can't get over this in my mind and keep saying why? Will I ever know? We have been together 2 yrs and married for almost 1. We have a house and he has a van so why at work? Help me understand.
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female
reader, L.Snyder +, writes (28 February 2011):
L.Snyder is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea,I think he was bored and just not thinking.I just worry that he may do it somewhere else.He says he will not and when I go to work I think that it bothers him that he now has no job.I say nothing about that to him,I dont want to belittle him or take his manhood away.He is a good man and I love him very much.Im hoping that his counseling does him some good.I know that he had some problems in the past with his Dad dying and so on.So thank you for all your answers.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): Well at least he's in counseling and getting help for this. Clearly he has a problem, well it's a "problem" because this is socially unacceptable behavior and he knows it, yet he's not in control of his own behavior. Maybe he has obsessive compulsive disorder.Does his therapist include you in any of the sessions?
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I'm sure it's some kind of compulsion. Maybe he IS doing it in the van and at home too, or maybe it's the thrill factor, semi-exhibitionist stuff. I understand you're freaking out, but if he IS trying to get the professional help like you've been wanting, can't you get behind him now, and support him through this instead of probably making him feel worse and more ashamed about something so publically known now? I remember your previous post. To me, it sounds what he did was almost like an uncontrollable thing. Certainly irrational, yes? Someone who is driven to do that is likely not making the cost benefit/pro con analysis that you are expecting of him . Yes it cost him his job, yes he has you to support, but clearly not well right now, seems like a symptom of compulsive sexual behavior. I mean, maybe he straight up was just having fun, I don't know, in which case, I could be off, but I feel like if he was all there he WOULD have considered you more in the picture. Right now, if you don't have kids and you aren't working, take the reigns, be the breadwinner, and don't be so hard on the person you love.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Honestly I would say that he was bored and probably too tired or out of it to realize the consequences of his actions. Personally I think it is stupid to get fired for that on a first offense, I would at least give the person a second chance since it didn't involve anyone else.
Instead of asking why all the time maybe it's time to let him move on. He doesn't need counselling, he knows it was wrong and needs to put it behind him so he can get over the imbarrasment it has caused him.
Again there could be many reasons. Boredom still sticks in my mind because I know alot of people who will masturbate when they are bored, it's better then eating junk food. I would never do it in a place like that but people have mental slips all the time and the best thing to do is to move on from it because there is nothing wrong with that man. The error in judgement has cost him enough as it is.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I know you probably don't want to hear this but maybe this will help. It is very hard, if not impossible, for a mentally healthy person to understand the actions of a mentally unhealthy person -- sexual behaviors in public included.
As hard as it is, try to be patient as he goes through his "counseling". I spent years trying to understand the public sexual behavior of an ex and I came to the conclusion that I never would understand because I'm simply not 'wired that way'. I know it's hard, just do your best to be patient with his counseling. It might not be a bad idea at some point to go with him to one of his counseling sessions. I'm sure this situation is trying your patience but I think you should be commended for 'standing by your man'.
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