A
female
age
41-50,
*DinCali
writes:Thanks for reading.There's a guy who's been really patient with me and persistent to know me and I've become interested in him. Here's the snag, he's a bit mysterious and doesn't talk much about himself. I really have to think of things to ask him and even then I get rather neutral responses. I feel a little mystery is good, but an overall mysterious person seems kinda dodgy and untrustworthy to me, (Personally I like guys that are more out there and funny). However, I can tell he's a kind and genuine person, seems very accepting of the fact I have a son, so I don't want to move on purely based on his mysteriousness, not just yet anyway. Not until I get a better idea about who he is.We haven't met in person yet, it's been a few months of phone calls, but no dates. I've been hinting I want to go on a date soon and he agrees, just never tries to set up one officially.What are your thoughts? How can I get him to open up more? I don't understand these mixed signals.
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 I am guessing you are only seeing, as in talking to this one guy. If you have more guys to choose from, I am sure you will easily ditch this one. At this point you will still be polite with him. After you've been patient for too long you would just simply ask him why he can't talk more. I understand some guys want you to like them first, look for signs which tell them it's safe to proceed, then proceed with caution. He's not making it easy for you to make a decision, and I think the distance could be a factor. He's basically wanting to know if you mind the driving. I honestly don't think he's the only choice you have. I am single mom also. Don't ever feel that men date single moms as if they are doing you a favor.
A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove +, writes (28 February 2011):
 "lives 2 hrs away. Honestly, a bit of distance is probably good for me." It might be fun to meet in person in 'neutral territory'. Maybe an hour away from both of your homes?"he calls often . . . finds me attractive . . . tutors me with science" He's interested in you and cares about your progress."man language" ok, I'm not familiar with that term. "Do you think he's a fake?" No. I think, as you said, "he's quite bright" and sometimes it's hard for people like this to relax and talk about personal things about themselves.You say he's a science man. Ask him: 'what is your opinion of the recent trends in regenerative medicine' and I'm sure he would be able to spontaneously give you a lengthy yet articulate answer. Ask him: 'what is your opinion of the recent trends in women's undergarments' and I bet you'd be lucky to get a peep out of him. There still are some guys who are shy and reserved until they feel it's ok to 'relax a little'."How do you peel an onion over the phone?" I am very sorry I don't know what this means. Onions? Does he make you cry? I'm sorry I just don't understand the question.Here's a thought, sometimes things are easier to type than they are to say. What are your emails like?
...............................
A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (28 February 2011):
JDinCali is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your answers. It seems its been hard for him to figure out a time for us, because it really depends more on his schedule. He works crazy shifts and lives 2 hrs away. Honestly, a bit of distance is probably good for me.
He calls often, just always wants to know how I'm doing and that he finds me attractive and at times tutors me with my science classes (so he's quite bright). It's all really sweet, but when I ask him things I get: "Fine", "Didn't do anything", "I like lots of things", "Nothing in particular". And he always wants me to make decisions on things, where to eat, to go, to do. I'm tired of just talking about me. It's a bit frustrating. I don't understand his man language.
The only reason I've hung in there this long is, because as I mentioned I can really tell he's got a good heart and I feel I should also be patient with him. I just don't want to waste my time either.
Do you think he's a fake? How do you peel an onion over the phone?
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (28 February 2011):
Mixed signals? I get no signal from him. He's too slow. If he isn't sharing anything that's because he doesn't want to be known. It's better to have a guy who brags about his job or talent than have someone who has nothing to say. I don't want to assume, but he might have some kind of a condition so that leaves him only capable of talking on the phone right now.
...............................
A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove +, writes (28 February 2011):
I believe you have answered your question. "We haven't met in person yet"
I am extremely shy. He may be waiting for you to "set up one officially". If the love of my life had not persisted and taken the initiative I would have completely missed out on the best thing that's ever happened to me. I think you should set something up and if the timing is right for him it will go very well. If the time is not right for him don't take it personally have a 'plan b' time ready to go. I truly wish you two all the very best!
...............................
|
