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My husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer, how do I deal?

Tagged as: Health, Marriage problems, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 August 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 August 2008)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi, well my husband and I have been together since we were sixteen (dated for six years, engaged a year, and married the last three years). We have a six-month-old son and he is just the most beautiful thing in the world! I am now pregnant again and we just received some really awful news: My husband is diagnosed with testicular cancer. Now, I have almost no knowledge about testicular cancer, only that my husband goes in for a check-up every year because it's in his family history; plus, he's a pilot, so he has to. Now this could mean two things: One: He loses his job because being a pilot, you have to be just about the healthiest person on the planet, which means we lose a lot of annual income because I'm a high school history teacher, so my annual salary isn't exactly the best. And two: I'm going to lose my husband and have to raise our kids by myself. I can't tell you the amount of tears I cried the day my husband and I received the news. It was just heart-breaking and if this is fatal, I have no idea how I'll cope without him.

I really need help, to know how to deal with this. I'm so in love with my husband and had every intention in the world to spend the rest of my life with him and he's such a wonderful father to our son and I'm sure he'll be the same way to our daughter (I say that and my husband laughs and says, 'You've only been pregnant for a month, hon!'). But if I do lose him, how do I go on?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008):

I am so sorry to hear your news. My husband got testicular cancer last year. It was 9 months of hell. He took a leave from work and went through chemo. He also had a surgery to remove the testicule. It is a very common cancer in young men from what we were told and very curable if treated soon enough. He is 100% after only 9 months, but becasue of the drugs used to treat the cancer and the removal of the testicle we cannot have more children. We are very blessed to have 2 children and that he is healthy. You have to be able to help him cope let him rest as much as possible and make sure he is well hydrated. If he does not feel well or has a fever take him in right away. My hubby also develpoed a blood clot near his heart but becasue I did my research I knew what to look for. We found great websites on this type of cancer that we very helpfull. Maybe your husband would benifit from looking at Lance Armsrtongs website as well. Best of Luck. Be Strong for your family that is the best u can do. I know its hard but he needs all the positive support u can give. Take Care

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

Hi

First you must not let these thoughts run away with you, and stay positive for you and for your husband. yes i do know what it feels like, ( standing on the edge of a cliff) what if? My partner and I, have for the past year stood on that edge fighting cancer and. You should gather all the info you can and support from various groups, learn what you can both do to help fight cancer. Look at complimentary diets, NUTRITION especially important when fighting cancer , do your homework on this subject it could be well worth trying and can go alongside conventional medicine.

Flaxseed oil, kiwi fruit, make juice drinks full of types of fruit rich in antioxidents, (need to do research)

You will become your husbands strenghth and support, should he need it, so you can not fold! as hard as it is you have to fight like you never have before and staying POSITIVE is as important as medicine. Quite frankly i would not really be worrying about money at a time like this, it should be the least of your concerns. should times get very very hard there is a macmillian cancer grantthat you could apply for, that helps to buy the basics such as a comfortable bed, an oven to cook healthy meals, a little respite weekend break, or travel allowance to get to the radio & chemo. I wish you both all the luck in the world.

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A female reader, Angela.B United Kingdom +, writes (1 August 2008):

Angela.B agony auntThat is awful news for anyone to find out, and it sounds like you have a beautiful relationship and growing family which makes it worse to hear.

Finding out something like this can make us feel like the ground has suddenly disappeared from under our feet and we are hovering over a gaping chasm just waiting to fall in.

The good news is once we start finding out information about things we discover the ground hasn't gone at all, it's just got a bit rocky. Sure there are holes that we could fall through, but we can see that the chances are we can make it safely to the other side.

So, I would suggest you start by finding out as much information as you possibly can. The internet is a great tool for this, and you will probably find you can make contact with people going through the same thing (and those that have come out the other side) for mutual support.

There are several types of testicular cancer, and cancer is graded by stages. Because he has been having regular checks the chances are he has stage one cancer. Treatment options are good, with a 97% survival rate.

97% means you can begin to put fears about losing him to one side, and begin to plan a future that involves fighting this horrible disease together and beating it.

You will get through this and all the challenges it throws up together, as long as you keep close and keep communicating. He will have fears and worries that you can support him with, and you will have your own that he can help you with.

I wish you both all the best.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (1 August 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI'm honestly sorry to break these news to you, but I understand testicular cancer is an aggresive type. Cancer involves an abnormally quick replication of cells; since testicular cells are especially good at replicating (that's how we get our reloads of semen), testicular cancer is quick.

The good news is that your husband got an early diagnosis. Judging from your post, he found he had cancer as part of routine checkups. He didn't even show the signs of testicular cancer. I quote Medicine Net: "Testicular cancer is almost always curable if it is found early". Cancer.gov puts healing at "95%". His chances are good, then. Cancer therapy has advanced a lot.

I understand your concern. Uncertainty is very difficult to handle. I do believe you need to have the whole picture and prepare for any changes his disease might bring (like, for example, his losing his job), but also you need to deal with the problem as it is now, not as it could be in the future.

I do believe that his taking chemotherapy and radiotherapy will lead to his being at least temporarily removed from his position as a pilot. You don't want a pilot who is feeling bad after chemo. I understand, however, that you take therapy in given moments, so perhaps he can go back to work when he's not feeling bad for the therapy.

You might also start saving a lot of money and making adjustments to live with a lot less income. If you don't have that sort of problems, no harm will be done. If you do, then you will be able to cope better.

Also, don't let him see how concerned you are. He is the one who is facing the prospect of dying. He must have already thought about losing his job, leaving you alone with two kids, et cetera. You mention he is a good father and a good provider, and it must be hard for him to think that he could end up being unable to do all that. It won´t help if he thinks you will crumble down as well. I don't mean to be hurtful, dear poster: I just mean to show you how things will look from his side.

I understand your feelings about losing your husband. This is perhaps the time to show more of your love, not of your sadness. He will appreciate having a shoulder to cry if he needs to.

Here are some links you might want to check:

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/testicular/

http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=2617

Wish you the best.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

I know at least 3 men who have had either testicular cancer or prostate cancer, have had treatment, and are all still alive after quite a few years since being diagnosed.

There's every chance that after surgery or radiotherapy there's going to be some problem with your sex life or his ability to father any more children, which is a bitter blow for a man but at least it will be an attempt to prolong his life if not save it and is rather better than dying.

Obviously a lot will depend on how early it was diagnosed and how far it's spread, if at all, but never give up hope. Pray that it's been caught early enough to do something about it. Think positively for the time being and try to cast all thoughts of losing him to the back of your mind. If losing him turns out to be the inevitable diagnosis, then will be the time to ask how you're going to manage without him. You've still got him, that's the main thing.

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