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female
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*esperatewife
writes: please help my husband of 10 years has left me about 1 and a half months ago . now he wants to try to work things out which i want so much to do .the biggest problem is that i have a control issue where i want to be in control please help me what do i do to help this???? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, karenw61 +, writes (4 August 2006):
hi you first have to work out why you need to have control all the time? believe me as a former control freak i know how out of control things can be when you feel you have lost control. but hey try it its not as frightening as you think it will be and hey what do you have to lose????????
A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (4 August 2006):
 If you have insight into the problem and can admit it to yourself then you are almost there. It may be best if you could both access professional counselling but it is not always free. Otherwise, try going out with your husband where you make your mind up to allow him to express his feelings and do what is called active listening where you have to really concentrate on what he is telling you and without getting cross. You could even take notes which may sound a bit strange, but this is something you can take away and reflect on. Ask yourself what you get out of controlling everything, do you really enjoy it or has it just become a habit because your husband has not been quick to take the initiative. You could try an experimental evening or day out where it is agreed HE decides where to go, what to eat etc. you could even make it a game and make your mind up not to respond to any negative feelings that may spoil it. Find out how to share the power by reflecting how you can step back and let go of the reins a bit.
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