A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for about 4 months now and I'm having a strange problem with my husband: he wants to walk all over me. he's into spanking in the bedroom which I like but he also tries to "discipline" me when I make a mistake. I tried to play along because he likes it, but he spanks me really hard. He seems only interested in making me cry. The last two months I've started to say that I don't like it and that it should stop, yet he doesn't listen. I tell him ill go to friends and family to ask for help but he says they'll never believe me. Everytime he's around I feel fear and I have to watch what I'm doing. Lately he's been also acting a bit distant and aloof because he got laid off, so I try to comfort him with kisses, massages and telling him that I love him. Yet I've started noticing lately that he doesn't say I love you back. Things really got complicated yesterday because I dropped his expensive vacuum down the stairs accidentally and he wanted to spank me. I told him no, since I already felt terrible about it. On top of that I felt I didn't deserve his treatment and honestly it feels like abuse when he decides to hurt me against my will. He's giving me the silent treatment, didn't come to bed last night and turned off the internet so that I would opt to get spanked before things go back to normal.I love him, yet I feel so betrayed. I really don't want to threaten him with divorce but I also can't live like this anymore.
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divorce, his ex, I love you, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): Okay, you need to leave this brutish and immature man. He enjoys hurting others - you included - and will take it too far.
Please be careful
My bf is also into this stuff in the bedroom but it STAYS in the bedroom. He would never be so immature and tell me of for genuine mistakes.
He would also not ask me to do something if I didn't feel comfortable.
A
female
reader, MsVick +, writes (25 November 2010):
 It sounds like he is into BDSM or Domestic Discipline, you can do a google search on both. But with both of these its supposed to be consensual. If he is doing it without your consent, then yes he is being abusive and you need to do something at it right away, otherwise it will only escalate as he will feel its ok.
good luck
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (25 November 2010):
 My dear, if you stay, 10 years from now you will be a very different person - an abuse victim with no confidence and no options. He's mentally (and physically) abusive. What is worse, is that he doesn't listen and change his behavior. He doesn't care it hurts you. Please go to family and get some support. I wouldn't even bother with counseling, I'd leave. YOu can do so much better.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (25 November 2010):
 Divorce seems to be the only option. He clearly prefers feeling dominant over you than treating you properly and isn't likely to change. The abuse and childish 'punishment' is his way of trying to make you passive, so he'll get what he wants when he wants it. Don't let him, stand up for yourself and leave. This is definitely domestic abuse, you have every right to do so.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 November 2010):
 Do not threaten. ACT instead. This is abuse in its strangest and most sinister form. He wants to hurt you and make you cry. You are not his love, you are his emotional and physical punching bag. If you allow him to hurt you, he will and he will do anything to see his hands inflict pain and bruises upon your heart and body.
Divorce him as he has already threatened you by warning you that "no one will believe you". It does not matter, just leave him and if necessary, get a restraining order.
I hope that helps.
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