A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my husband for seven years. I have told him exactly what I would like when it comes to oral sex. More often than not, he doesn't do it. He told me the other night that most men don't like to give oral and he does it only because I like it. I am devastated and feel completely betrayed. How am I suppose to enjoy it now when I know he isn't really into it?
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (16 January 2009):
Previous, did he typically satisfy you during oral? Does he get easily frustrated out of the bedroom when trying something new? Maybe he didn't really mean what he said, but got frustrated with the new toy and said what he said out of anger. Is that a possibility? Has he ever had angry or frustrated reactions when, say, the new drill he just bought malfunctions, or if he gets lost while driving in an unfamiliar locale? If this is his typical personality, then maybe it's as simple as he got frustrated with the new toy not working as planned and overreacted.
Maybe he is insecure or unsure of his performance in this area, and it is easier for him to say what he said and possibly get out of doing it as often or at all, vs. exploring what the real issue is.
I am just wondering if there isn't some other underlying issue here, and that possibly this is not really how he feels, even though that is what he said.
I know if I were you, I too would be upset by his comment, so I don't blame you one bit.
Can you talk to him about his comment and explore it further? Can you tell him that it bothered you, it hurt you? And that it is going to affect you negatively the next time he may do it?
I just think since you've been together so long, that you would have sensed by now if this were truly how he feels about it. That's why I'm wondering whether or not something else is really the culprit.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 January 2009):
 In my opinion, "megan1111" explained it fairly well. Most women need a good bit of heating up and the best way to do that involves some skillful attention to the pleasure center. And I agree that turnabout is fair play. When, if ever, more couples get onboard here, I think that many more marriages and relationships could be saved or at least rendered long-lasting. Considering the constant despair we see posted here, however, especially by unhappy or unsatisfied women, the simple solution seems so dumbly out of reach. It is so damn simple, guys, just learn to sensually make love!
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A
female
reader, megan1111 +, writes (16 January 2009):
Sad to say, my boyfriend told me the same thing. Luckily, we talked about it and he discovered he going to have good, mind blowing, sex until I was throughly wet down there. The quickest way to get me there was for him to take care of business. Thankfully, he asked me what I liked and I was able to explain to him not to "charge" the clit but work up to up.
Unfortunately, he explained to me the need for oral sex and although I hate it, I guess turn about is fair play. I get through it by learning how it likes it watching the pleasure I bring him.
Tip, I do him first but not to orgasm, then it's my time to relax and enjoy before I give him the ride of his life. I try to always make sex (the ride) for him more enjoyable than the last time so this is what he remembers. Tighten those muscles, move with him, moan with him. Now I only have to perform oral sex a couple of times a month at most but he has learned to quickest way to the canyon is through his tongue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): Tisha: Thanks for your reply. It happened pretty much in the heat of it. We were trying a new toy that attaches to the tongue during oral. The thing kept coming off. Several times I told him he didn't have to use it. I could tell he was frustrated. It went from bad to worse. I have never had this problem before. I realize that other men have been more aggressive in this area than my hubby but it never occurred to me that he wasn't loving what he was doing. I am cringing just thinking of him going down on me again. I already know that I am going to be too pre-occupied with him not loving it and there is no way I can enjoy that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 January 2009):
 Ouch. Does he know how upset you are? I'm curious to know if he's tried to backpedal and soften his words and explain what he meant, or if he's just left you to recover from the blow.
Because no doubt, this IS a blow! What was the context in which he said it? Were you two in bed (you don't need to be graphic or explicit here) or did the topic come up in a discussion elsewhere. Was it said in the heat of the moment?
Context, I need context!
It may be that he doesn't HATE it, just that he doesn't love it. I assume you have been returning the favor all these years too.
Let's pick this apart and see if we can figure out how you can live with this. I hate that he said it to you, and I know you're angry and betrayed (I totally would be too) but I think it would be worthwhile to readjust the frame around this. Let's calm down and reexamine things.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 Really? I love it - no better thing. My wife likes to sleep about 3 or 4 hours a day more than I do and this is the one way that I can really guarantee to wake her up in the morning. Seems to me that if you have a healthy relationship with a spouse or lover then there's no part of them that doesn't taste good :-)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (15 January 2009):
Well obviously, I cannot speak for "all" guys - I'm just one. But I thoroughly enjoy giving a woman oral satisfaction for a number of reasons. 1) It is passionate and I just like getting down there. 2) In most every case, I love the aroma and the taste. 3) It drives a woman wild, usually to multiple orgasms. 4) I'm good at it, I know I'm good at it, and I like to show-off the talent. 5) The women always come back for encores. 6) It makes women happy, and I like making women happy. 7) It almost always, with very rare exceptions, means that I'm going to get a really nice blow job to the finish in return. ;-)
Actually, I could go on and on, and yes, number seven is one of the major reasons. But for some 40 years now, oral and a lot of foreplay has always been my lovemaking ritual. Again, I don't know about "all guys" but apparently many men do NOT do that because the women I've known tell me that nobody ever made them feel like that before.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): What kind of self-respecting straight man does not enjoy eating the pussy?What is he? Closet gay? Almost all men enjoy eating the pussy. Those that don't are rare and probably have some weird reason for not doing it.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): Thanks for your quick response. I truly thought this was a mutual thing we enjoyed together. I am sick to my stomach knowing after all these years he never really enjoyed it. I don't know how to come back from that.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (15 January 2009):
most of my ex's seemed to not enjoy having to give oral sex. one just never did it but was always confused when i stopped giving him head.lol. but then i guess i can't stand giving blow jobs, i only do it to get something back. guess it's the same for guys?
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