A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have caught my bf in little lies off and on for quite a while but what he has done in the past couple of weeks was just over the top. I've caught him quite a few lies.First he loans money to someone he works with for only a few weeks. I'm surprised he never bothered to run it by me first than he was going to do that.He tells me he had loaned him $500 but found out that was a lie. Then he tells me it was more like $1000. I found out he lied about that amount too but he doesn't know I know he lied.He lied to his mother and hung up on her. I was over his house and she calls and then my phone rings and I go to answer it and then I come back after just a minute and he isn't talking to her anymore. I said done already and he just said yeah and nothing else. I thought is odd because they usually talk a long time.The phone rings and it is her and I hear her in the background asking what on earth happened as they suddenly got disconnected. He told her that there must be something wrong with her phone line.Then it dawned on me that he had hung up on her so she wouldn't hear my voice in the background when I had answered my phone! No he hasn't told her about me and has no legit reason why he hasn't after all these years.Then back to him loaning money. We were supposed to spend Saturday together as it was my son's last day visiting me. We go over to his house and he isn't there. I call him and he said he is over at the guy's house trying to get his money back. That's right the guy never paid him back.He said he would be back around 6pm and it was noon.So son and I do our own thing and then I call the bf around 4pm. He said he is still at the guy's house. Then an hour later, he calls me and says he is home if I wanted to come over. I thought it odd as he takes the bus and how did he get home so fast?I go over there and see this paper on the table with figures on it and it seems he really loaned this creep nearly $3000 so the bf had lied to me again!Later the bf is online checking his download limits and he goes to the bathroom and it is still up.It shows use by hour and I saw that he was online from around 3pm onwards. Remember I had called him at 4pm and he said he was at the guy's house and then was there quickly an hour later. So he had lied to me saying he was at the guy's house when he was really at his house!!!I made an excuse and left and that was the weekend and I haven't talked to him since. He tried to call me but I haven't answered my phone.I thought about sitting down and confronting him with everything I know but why bother? I think it would just be best to continue to blank him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): Thanks Griffo. I'm not too concerned about me blanking him ruining the relationship as he has already ruined it by his lying. He is the one who should have been concerned about ruining it.
He doesn't have financial issues and that was a plus as I have a lot to lose. I can't risk my assets on someone who is foolish with money.
Maybe he was lying because he felt foolish for how much he loaned the guy and the guy ripped him off and never paid him back.
Usually when we are going to spend a lot on something we run it by each other. Just a little sanity check to make sure we aren't doing something dumb.
He seems to have a good relationship with his mum.
He has offered me no legitimate reason for not telling her about me. It's been 4 years.
The last time I talked to him about telling his mum about me, he got angry and told me to quit nagging him and then he gave me the silent treatment so I just got up and went home.
He says he is committed to me and thinks of it as permanent but his actions don't seem to back that up.
A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (16 January 2009):
 Hello, I hope this gives you some insite.
If you blank him, then remember cutting the communication can potentially distroy the relationship. If you do it for too long 1) It will never be the same again. and/or 2) He could become obsessive and freak you out. On the other hand it can be good in the future if you left each other on good terms. But do you really want that? Id lay everything on the table when you can, see what happens, then make a decision based on the discussion you both have.
About the loaning money, I mean he's only your BF. So he probably feels your invading into everything about him, even if you've been together for a few years. - i don't know how much he has lied in the past either but it sounds a bit sad for your relationship if he's doing it that much 'especially' regarding "financial matters" - he shouldnt need to if hes that comited to you. But his problem seems as thought he's dicking you around a bit by not being completley honest with you upfront, and being with him for a few years only indicates that everything including financial decisions should be made by both of you (but its not - now you see this is the problem and here's why), i don't know if you've ever spoken with him about marrage, but marrage is not just a piece of paper, it also means being "committed" as one to your partner and yes this includes, the financial decisions you both would make in your life - its about commitment trust and love and a promise. Anyway... I don't know exactly how many years its been with you guys but if it's been a few then this is a good sign and indicator that the lies he is doing are a bit dodgy. do you really want to spend your life with him?
There seems to be a big lack of commitment on his part and how many other secrets does he have that you don't know about? Do you know the exact problems with his mother? Mabey he has financial issues with her too that he is afraid to tell you about. And why hasent he introduced you "after all these years." if he has no legit reason it means he's just not commited to you at all. im sorry but this guy is really strange.
You need to be strong now and face him with it all! Even about the mother thing because thats just weird! What bloke doesn't introduce his woman to his mother!? (usually its one that doesn't want to be with you!) I'll be buggerd! lol.
Be strong now.
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