A
female
age
41-50,
*rfan
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months and we are suppose to get married next year. His ex-wife called me and told me that he has another child with someone else. I asked him about it and he said he's not sure if its his and that he's having a test done in a month or so. He knew about this for almost 2 weeks but said he was waiting for the right time to tell me. I'm not sure if I can trust him. I feel so betrayed. Please help!!!!!
View related questions:
ex-wife, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, thamissez +, writes (28 March 2008):
I'm also going through a situation with my fiancee where we just found out he has to go to court next month. Because he slept with this girl and she's alledging him as being the father even though she claims to have been with 2 other people. He's definately requesting a DNA test be done! When i got the letter in the mail i was so devastated!! But, now i'm trying to be mature about it. And if it's his i already told him to give up his parental rights. We've been together for 7 yrs. now and we have 4 kids together.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Yea the same thing I'm going through now. Me and my hubby were friends at the time he got another girl pregnant (she lied and said she was on birth control). But she said it wasnt his because she cheated on him the entire time he was gone to Arizona. He is a marine. We got married and then the baby was born. She still continued that it wasnt his until about 2 weeks before he deployed she decided to call and say he needed to take a DNA test. Its been nothing but hell ever since. Shes trying to take his deployment money. She tries to act nice when speaking to me, but then sends my husband nasty emails about me. AND she has the nerve to email him that she hates the face that they aren't together. What do you do in a situation like that?!?!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): I was also in a similar situation. My husband has a baby with a women that I know. Even though the baby was concieved we were not in an actual relationship. But we were close friends, which still has me feeling betrayed. I still decided to marry him and find it hard to not think about him sleeping with her or touching her or even the fact that she has his first child. I want to have children with him but, I can't get the thought out of my mind that my children aren't his first, and often feel like sloppy seconds. I don't in anyway believe that he love's and have ever loved this women. It was just physical, or do I feel threatened by her in anyway, and I also know that if he could take it back he would. But to some it up if you do decide to stay with him it will take alot of work, I have good days and I have bad days. We are definitely in his childs life as a matter of fact the child is closer to me then him. I do love this child like my own, however a little bit of my pride and selfesteem has been lost in the process. I don't regret the fact that I still stayed with him. Because I know that he truly loves me, but it somethings are hard to forget. However in time you will heal w/prayer.
...............................
A
female
reader, x_goddess_x  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 omg hunny of course you have been betrayed men always say "i was waiting for the right time to tell you" there is no "right time" you diserve to no and he should of told you earlier
...............................
A
female
reader, redcurls1982 +, writes (5 August 2007):
ok, i think your recation is normal and i would have felt the same way. but take into consideration that he might have been just as freaked out and did not want to worry you just yet until he found out the test results. just like most women don't tell their man they are pregnant if they haven't taken a pregnancy test... right? so if the baby was not conceived while you were together, try to move past it and let him know in the future you want him to tell you these things because you are partners and he should feel comfortable sharing things with you.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 "I'm not sure if I can trust him" What part are you unsure about? I think the answer is quite obvious. If I'm reading this correctly...you were betrayed. If he got her pregnant right away, in the beginning of when you started to date, it might not be cheating. Not telling you was not a great idea. That is something you'd want to be open about with your partner. How many months pregnant is the lady?
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (5 August 2007):
 He should have been honest form the start about this child,regardless of whether its his or not. Nine months seems a very short time to deciding to get married, especially to a guy who hides things from you. Look at the bigger picture here my dear, do you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who does not have the guts to confide in you, this is a recipe for a disasterous marriage, I mean he has already been married once. In my opinion married couples should be soulmates and feel open to discuss their problems with their spouses, those are one of the things that makes a marriage work. I would put the wedding on hold and tell him unless he shapes up or you will ship him out. Good luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): simular happened to me i was seeeing this guy for 2 months when he tells me he has made another women pregnant before he met me,once the baby was born he started going round there to see the baby,but told me there was nothing going on between him and the women,but a few things didnt add up,we have finished now,he couldnt give a good excuse as to why,i think he was hiding things,because he started to lie about things,so you dont know really what he could be hiding,and lets face it if the ex has phoned you to tell you this,she knows him best and probably knows what he is like.
...............................
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 You don't know what other secrets this man has to hide.
I think this is red alert and I, personally, would have already left him.
I don't think it is wise to carry on this relationship when all thoughts like this will be in the back of your mind for as long as it continues.
Sit him down, explain to him how you feel and if he doesn't come up with some damn good answers I suggest you leave.
Take care hun xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Kirsty87 +, writes (5 August 2007):
 Well the first thing is he lied to you and thats not a good foundation for a marriage! I think you need to sit down and think if the lying can be sorted and then you have to think this other women could be having his child! You need to do what you thinks best and what would make you happy.
...............................
|
