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My husband stopped wearing his wedding ring after 10 years, should I worry?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 April 2010) 15 Answers - (Newest, 27 October 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My husband always wore his wedding ring for 10+ years.

about a month ago he stopped wearing it for a week when i first noticed and looked at his finder he put his hand in his pocket..when I asked about it he said

"it bothered his finger" he would leave the ring in his car and wear it at work then take it off..then he started wearing it again..now he has not worn it for over a week and the ring in nowhere in site not in the car or on the bureau..is this normal "it bothering my finger" behavior or should I be concerned?

View related questions: at work, wedding

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010):

Yes

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010):

I guess I just find it odd that 2 in one month he has taken if off for days at a time when in 10 years he never did before..

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A female reader, straight to the truth United Kingdom +, writes (12 April 2010):

Has he now said he will be wearing his ring in future?

the only time he would need to take it off outside is if he is doing some form of DIY (health and safety reason if using things like a saw)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I asked him why he wasn;t wearing it again he said he took it off cuz he was working outside (the whole week?) he said he put it on his desk..where I found it behind the computer screen.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010):

I asked him again why he wasn't wearing it and he said he took it off cuz he was working outsie (for a whole week) he put in on his desk where I found it behind the computer

screen.....

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A female reader, straight to the truth United Kingdom +, writes (12 April 2010):

I think you need to ask him why it suddenly bother his finger and that you like the thought that he is wearing his wedding ring as it symbolises you union together.

try not to sound like you are accusing him because if this is the only reason you are concerned then the last thing you want to do is accuse a man you have been married to for 10+years of cheating when he has never cheated before.

if he has a history of cheating then that would change things and you would have every right to come straight out with the "are you cheating question"

thing is our bodies do change because I use to be able to wear silver and i had a few silver bangles i would wear every day all day and night then one summer my wrists blistered and cracked and out of the blue i now have an allergy to silver and i have not been able to wear the bracelets since.

Has it been hot so the ring is making is finger sweaty and uncomfortable? there are lots of reasons why he might not be wearing it but talk to him and find a solution, dont accuse him unless you have reason to.

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A female reader, LoveGirl South Africa +, writes (12 April 2010):

If he stopped wearing his ring for no apparent reason you need to be concerned. Perhaps you need to be blunt and ask him what's up and where is the ring, after all this ring symbolises a union bet you and him. I have seen your update so he has a desk job, no weight gain/loss so that rules that out. Then any late nights, special female friends he just mentions, any tell tale signs that may suggest him cheating. Oh yes check the cell and any emails. You cannot be too complacent and rather over react now than cry in a while. Be super observant yet discreet after all your gut is telling you something is amiss. Plse let us know whether you solve the missing wedding ring. take care

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010):

He has not gained or lost weight,,nor does he have a job that requires him to remove a ring for safety reasons..he has a desk job!

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A female reader, rambini United Kingdom +, writes (12 April 2010):

rambini agony auntthere is definately something not right here, if it was going to "bother his finger" it would have done so in the last 10 years he has been wearing it happily. try suggesting getting it altered if it isnt comfortable, see what he says. but i would be very worried, you need to talk to him.

best of luck x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010):

It might be the case that the ring is bothering him. TRy suggesting a new one (perhaps one that is a size bigger). If he is still not keen on the idea, I sugget you have a talk with him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010):

Be alert, but don't leap to conclusions.

My parents have been happily married for decades. They went through a patch where my Dad did exactly the same thing. It turned out the ring had become worn on his hand, and had developed an extremely sharp edge. After a couple of weeks, he took it to the jeweller's and got it fixed and hasn't taken it off since. If your husband has gained or lost weight, this might be another reason that his ring is becoming uncomfortable.

However, it is also possible that there is something more sinister going on. Trust is something that is earned, and you have reason to be a little bit suspicious here because his behaviour is definitely a bit odd. If the ring is bothering him, he could easily explain that and get it fixed - instead he's hiding his hand when you notice its absence.

You've made it clear that it's an important symbol of your marriage, and he needs to respect that. If he doesn't get it mended in a few weeks I would sit him down and ask what's going on. I hope from the bottom of my heart that it's not bad news for you. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010):

Sorry to say but something is very wrong here! After 10 years he should not even notice the ring on his finger.

You need to investigate further, as I suspect he has a gf.

Sorry to be so blunt!

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A male reader, Kieran-United United Kingdom +, writes (12 April 2010):

I have to say that you needn't worry, as my dad tends not to wear his wedding ring due to it bothering his finger, and my mum doesn't mind in the slightest, what you could do is take him to a jewellery shop and perhaps buy him a new ring that fits him better if it is bothering you too much

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A male reader, Kieran-United United Kingdom +, writes (12 April 2010):

I have to say that you needn't worry, as my dad tends not to wear his wedding ring due to it bothering his finger, and my mum doesn't mind in the slightest, what you could do is take him to a jewellery shop and perhaps buy him a new ring that fits him better if it is bothering you too much

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (12 April 2010):

Something is wrong. Very wrong. Unless he is a tradesmen, where he might lose the ring, he has no excuse. And if he's suddenly started doing it after ten years, then there is something wrong.

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