A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:We have been married for 3 years for the last two years or more my husband has had a very low sex drive so i thought, he went to the doc 2 years ago who put him on testosterone which really didnt improve anything he started blaming his issues on his back and quit the testosterone for a few weeks things were fine then he quit being amorous and will not let me initiate sexhe turns me away and even got mad when i grabbed his but one day i have to wait for him to initiate he started initiating every weekend for about a month but ejaculated within a few seconds of penetration the last time this happened he apologized and said he would call the doctor the next day and i said okay it has now been three months and no doctors appointment yet. A couple of weekends ago on my birthday he initiated sex after a couple of seconds we had to stop and hold which is perfectly fine but he lost his erection and neither one of us came to fruition. He said he was trying which i said i know thankyou and i love you. Meanwhile as this allhas been going on over the last year or so he has been sending me to the store to get groceries on the weekend mornings. About amonth ago i came back from the store and put away the groceries. He was at the patio smoking and i went up to him and hugged him and said you know it has been awhile since we made love he said he didnt want to. So i went to the bedroom ans started gathering clothes to do laundry and picked up one of his socks and got a handfull....i was so disgusted i could not speak to him the rest of the day and feeling very hurt. I finally told him that evening that i was going to bed early and he was upset with so i broke down and told him what happpened he said he was trying to do things so he could last longer. I said okay but we need to talk about these things together so we canwork together on it. The next weekend he wanted me to go to te store again and i di when i got back the laundry was going which he never does i tried to initiate again and he just said no. Last weekend on mothers day i rant to the gas station and came back he did not hear me come in the door i walked passedthe spare room and he was sitting at his computer with his penis in hand looking at porn. He must have caught me in the corner of his eye because he jumped up and as i turned around he was zipping his pants and pretended like i didnt see him. He then being coy asked if i wanted to go to the casino for mothers day i said no i would rather have some intimate time with my husband. He said ok like he was pissed and came out of the room saying that he was just trying to see if he could get it up.....i said huh? Like i didnt hear what he said so he started to repeat himself and i said what are you talking about? I didnt want to have a confrontation on mothers day...now that i have caught him several times now i fear this is an issue he has been hiding from me for a very long time and i am feeling very neglected and hurt. I have even tried looking at porn to try new things and even tried anal with him three times before i could handle it without crying which he enjoyed the last time but i was in pain for several days afterward...something i will never do again..i fear that i will never be able to have sex with him again without feeling hurt and he wont talk to me about it...i am going to suggest counseling i am sick of the excuses and sick of the promises when he says he will make it up to me later in the day and never does i am hurt and lonely not to mention very frustrated yes i can masterbate but it is not the same and i need and deserve to have meaningfull sex with my husband more than once every 3 months! We deserve this as a couple!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2014): Thank you for the input...we were first loves at 16and went our separate ways and came together again after 27 years i cant believe that this issue is the end now after all these years, i am going to insist on counseling.
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (14 May 2014):
 It could be issues of attraction I had a partner like that it could be some type of stimuli he likes that he cant get from you. I know from experience that if I wasnt attracted I wouldnt have that desire to perform but I would be on auto pilot most times. Those times I was being caring and concern about there needs instead of my own needs. Like somebody posted in other comments find someone who wants you and desires you thats attracted to you regardless of how you look. Ask if he has a kink or fetish thats what I think it is and you may not want to or are able to satisfy that for him. I ran across that myself dealing with a few folks I just didnt do it for them although it was acceptable at first it didnt last further. If it cant work its best to seperate. I wouldnt want a life single or married more less a sex life that I couldnt be satisfied in and Im not satisfying someone else. That equals miserable. Pleasure is the name of the game.. Also if he not getting it from you he will get it somewhere else besides his hand. I know I would and have Im not with that suffering and dont want no one else to suffer either.
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A
female
reader, finalmailings +, writes (14 May 2014):
 This has got to be hard on you, I am so sorry. You deserve to feel loved, valued, and desirable.
Wondering, what is he like as a husband aside from the sex?
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A
female
reader, cardinal +, writes (14 May 2014):
 I think it's right to go to counseling. it sounds like he just can't have sex anymore, it sounds medical not that he doesn't want you, and I think as a man that frustrates him. but I see you have desires that haven't dwindled, and maybe you need to look into ways of pleasing yourself without him. try masturbating yourself, and maybe he can help you, but if he doesn't want to don't force him. I suggest go see a counselor. it sounds more of an emotional matter than a physical one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2014): I'm sorry to hear you are going through this and you are right , it's not ok! He needs to be given the choice of marriage therapy or separation. You deserve to feel desired and not like some old hag who he can't get it up for and he needs young silicon enhanced pornstar to do the trick
Trust me , this will destroy your self esteem if you let it!
And most men have no idea how devastating this can be to a woman's sense of self
Give him the choice today. If he won't book am appointment and commit to seriously getting to the bottom of this ? You owe it to yourself to find a man who is attracted to you and doesn't choose porn over making love to you. Best wishes
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