A
female
age
41-50,
*aria blanca
writes:my husband only eats carbs like pizza twice a week, pasta with chicken in red souce, english muffins, chocolates, he only drinks cramberry juice which with a lot of effort I changed him to light cramberry juice no vegetables and no fruits he dosen't want to excersize my husband won't do anything without me he depends on me 110%, he is lazy and he will prefer to eat a bag of chips instead of making him self a sandwich. I hardly by food because it goes bad. I have hectic job were I work 24 / 7 as a real estate agente plus keeping my house clean and organize loundry, and taking care of our dog and dealing with my clients properties to be on top of my husbans bad eating habits he is 44 and I am 34 I am running out of patients he dosen't seen to care about his health and to me there is little sex life because I can stand him being fat.When I started going to the gym he would go with me once a week, and then he would be tired the rest of the week, then when I started going on myself on my own and he would get angry becuase I was abandoning him.I don't know what to do anymore?the last thing I want is to get divorce.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 I think that Daniel is right, there's more to the story than just his weight. He needs to take responsibility for his health. Furthermore you would like him to be considerate of your feelings. He knows it bothers you that can do something about his appearance, and his weight problem is causing you to be less attracted to you sexually. Unfortunately, you can't force someone to change. Have you told him how you feel? At least you can make him see things from your point of view.As far as the gym, maybe you could try another activity or sport that might be enjoyable? What about martial arts? When I took it up, I didn't have to drag myself... I loved it but I wound up losing 20 pounds in a couple of months. It didn't feel like "exercise" because I looked forward to it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): I think that Daniel is right, there's more to the story than just his weight. Your husband needs to take responsibility for his health, and unfortunately he has to make the decision for himself.As far as the gym, if he refuses to go, maybe you could find a sport that you both enjoy? What about martial arts? I dread going to the gym, because it's boring, but I took martial arts and I looked forward to my class every day. I lost 20 pounds in a couple months. I took it up because I loved it, but the weight loss was a side effect.
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A
female
reader, Lost_Soul85  +, writes (3 August 2008):
You could try scaring him into better health. Arrange a check up at the doctors or with a nutrionist, get him to explain his lifestyle and let them do the rest.
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A
male
reader, Hotwarner  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 This answer will seems disconnected of the question, although it is not. Get interested in him! He might appear lazy and careless about his health, but I think that might come form a lack of interest from your part as well. See, us guys don't want another mommy that takes care of everything and tell us what to do, even if it LOOKS like it's what we NEED. It seems like you are putting a lot of energy of being the "perfect wife", independent, that has a good career and that takes care of business, but most guys don't care that much for so much ambition. First of all, be happy. That kind of independence is good: you don't depend on someone to be happy. Then don't try to think FOR him, try to know what drives him, what he likes. You might not SHARE is tastes for everything, but at least let him know you know what he likes and encourage him pursuing HIS dreams, even if they don't have meaning to you. At that point, he might be more attentive that a good health might HELP HIM to get to his goals since he'd have more energy to do what's important to HIM and if you participate, It'll be even better since you will both have fun and feel alive! Plus you might get the in-bed bonus since male sex-drive comes a lot more from creativity and emotional connection than what is commonly believed. What is happening now is that he's going for easy since there is no drive to go further. I understand your career takes a lot of place, but look in the long run: what will it really bring you? Is it more important than hubby? At his age, the middle-life crisis is not that far and you better be on the side of things he WON'T want to change :) The best way to be present is to be INTERESTED in what he has to say, in what he wants to do, and you might have to insist a little to know what's his thoughts are because us men are not used to have to talk about these things, other that to other guys that we know share our interests. Don't judge and participate. If you need some more loose time, hire a maid once a week (or once two weeks), buy a couple of healthiER frozen foods (won't go to waste and fast to prepare) so you can actually spend some quality time with him. And be PATIENT. People change at their OWN pace, but you will notice some change as you start SHOWING him you are interested in HIM. You will notice he'll pick up more interest in you as well!Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, Angela.B +, writes (3 August 2008):
 You describe your husbands eating habits but not yours. You presumably are eating a healthy, balanced diet which means I can only conclude that you are not eating together.
I know it can be difficult to find time these days to sit down and eat a home cooked meal together, but we constantly undervalue the importance of doing so.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying "You are his wife, you should be cooking all his meals" or whatever, after all you have a busy life of your own.
But that bit of time spent together, eating something that one of you has spent a little time making (or even better, made together) can be the glue that holds a relationship together.
It would also offer the added bonus that if you are cooking something you can determine what he eats that night!
If you could, as a start, find a couple of nights a week where you could both sit down and eat something home cooked together then the benefits will probably be far more than just improving his diet. The quality time spent together, will begin to have a positive impact in all kinds of other areas of your relationship.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (3 August 2008):
 María Blanca, it seems like your husband's eating habits are not the real problem, even if you perceive them to be so. It seems that you're an overworked wife who can't cope with all that and a husband to drag along and take care of as if he were a child. You would like him to take charge of something, much more than his eating habits. And all this work and pressure is making you lose your love for him, a problem that is made worse by his being fat.
I'm afraid your situation is very typical of many marriages. I'm not sure how it could be changed. However, if I were you, I would simply say something like "Man, help me with the burden of the home". After that you could focus on his losing weight and looking better.
The same situation you describe happened to a person I know.
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