A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidMy husband of 3 years is not talking to me for past 4 days now. He talks only when he need something essential from me, do not respond when I talk. Eats if I cook, refuse to sit with me, sleeps on the same bed but pushes me away if I even accidently touch him. He says he does not have wrath against me but won't say why he won't talk. Tell me he will talk when he is ready. I cannot sleep or work or eat. I feel like shit, don't know what to do. All this started because I asked about dinner more than once , he mentioned he wanted to go out prev night, so I asked where do u want to go, he said I don't know,I asked again at dinner time and that's when he got angry because he told me already he don't know, made him self dinner,asked him why is he doing it. Screned at me and stopped talking Not sure if he wants to split, we have two house and in process of selling old house, I think he is waiting for that process to be over and then tell me we should split. I do not want him to leave me, I don't have family here and no friends. I do work and earn money. But I am now sure I can survive without him, I feel lonely scared and he refuse to talk but expects me to respond if I ask anythingWhat should I do,please please help me, don't know whom to talk to
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (22 September 2021):
 A marriage /relationship survives on trust, compassion, and communication, he is not giving you any of these, and is being stupid and immature in my opinion.
This relationship is bringing you nothing but upset and heartache and i think your better off out of it.
In your heart of hearts you know that the best option here would be to walk away from this marriage, and seek legal advice, and help from any family and friends, you don't have to do this alone.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 September 2021):
I'll be honest and say that I don't believe you'll benefit from the advice you have received. Not that it is bad advice but I don't think you're ready to hear it.
That being said I think you need to remember that if he does leave you, everything will be okay. It's easy to convince yourself that a break up or divorce would be deviating (and it can be), but it doesn't have to be.
If a relationship is meant to last, it will. If your husband wants to divorce you because you asked about dinner, it probably means things won't last. And that really only means that the two of you aren't compatible.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 September 2021):
 First off, OP
You write: "But I am now sure I can survive without him, I feel lonely scared and he refuse to talk but expects me to respond if I ask anything"
OF COURSE, you can survive without him! You did before you met him!
I get feeling lonely and scared, because you are with someone who is using "the silent treatment" to TERRORIZE and control you.
Stop the selling of the other house. If one of the houses was YOURS initially, GO live in that. Or tell HIM to go live in the one that was his prior.
CALL a lawyer. This is not OK and you NEED to know your rights both with the sale/not sale of the other house and how to get out of this marriage. You also need to know your rights to your property of you WALK out.
He KNOWS that the "silent treatment" is messing with your head and putting you off balance and he is COUNTING on it. IT is an EASY way to control someone and keep them "submissive", to not question their partner, and to "just" accept this ABUSIVE behavior.
This is NOT what a LOVING partner does. You know that.
Do you have family or friends whom you can talk to? Who can refer you to a good lawyer?
If he doesn't want to talk to you, DON'T talk to him. Even if he needs something "essential" from you. If he needs something he can GO GET it himself. YOU are not his servant or slave here.
Time for YOU to stand up for yourself. He will not.
Remain calm, even if you have to fake it. Don't cry around him, don't "beg" for him to talk to you.
HIS behavior is NOT OK.
This is NOt how a loving marriage should be, EVER.
Know your rights, know what you want. Talk to a lawyer, talk to family and GET out of this marriage. You can do much better on your own without having someone TREAT you like this around you.
Why would you think it's OK for a man to treat you this way?
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (20 September 2021):
Wow. He is behaving terribly towards you. I was once in this situation. My previous partner who I was with would stop talking to me for the most silly things. I had a work event which went on until 10pm. 1 hour more than usual and I got home at 11. He didn't speak to me for 4 months. I left the relationship.
This is not healthy and it's very immature and emotionally abusive. DO NOT FALL APART. He enjoys you suffering. Start doing thisngs for yourself, behave like it doesn't bother you but eventually you will have to decide whether to put up with this or leave the marriage.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (20 September 2021):
 OP, this is a very sad and ridiculous situation. I feel incredibly sorry for you. Your husband is being mean and acting very immature. You obviously can't force him to talk to you if he won't but what he is doing is a form of abuse. Please see it for what it is. I know that you are scared and unsure of what to do but try to look at things from a logical point of view for a moment. Start preparing yourself for a breakup. It certainly looks like that is what he is pushing for. You do have a job, that's wonderful so at least you do have some source of income coming in. Don't wait for him to make every move, start preparing yourself. You do have rights. See a lawyer. Know exactly what you can expect. If you have family but aren't close to them, now would be a good time to get back in touch. Family can be such a source of comfort when times are bad. Are you religious? Spiritual? Reach out. Religion/faith can get us through some terrible times if we just believe.
Take care of yourself. Be strong. Don't just sit back and let your husband think that he can treat you this way and get away with it. Be prepared if you can't work things out with him. I wish you all the best. Good luck sweetie.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2021): Judge him by his actions. If he's being hostile, evasive, and won't communicate with you; see it for what it is.
Now stop for a minute, and evaluate this kind of behavior. Why would he behave like this if he loves you? I think you're somewhat in denial, if you're believing this is an isolated incident; and there was never any sign of a problem before this. I think this is what you've put-up with for a long time; and because you are afraid of losing him, you've simply clung to him, and you probably accepted whatever treatment came at you. You've done everything you could to avoid poking the bear.
I can on only speculate and read between the lines here. I suspect this man has been pulling-away from you for a long-time, and you've seen fissures in the relationship buy you've chosen to overlook them and try to be more passive and let him have his way. He's keeping his cards close to his chest, and won't say if he wants a divorce; because you've mentioned the sale of a property in pending. That's an asset. His hope is probably to make a clean break as soon as he gets his hands on some money.
I think you need to call a lawyer. Get you legal ducks in a row, and be prepared. If he's not talking, use the silence as time to plot strategy to protect your spousal rights. You also need to reconnect with your family. You seem to have made this man the center of your universe. You'll survive without him. You can't go into a marriage being totally dependent on a man to financially support you in the 21st century. You can't possibly be that naive.
This might come across as very blunt. You may not want a divorce, but if your husband is treating you worse than most people treat their pet dogs; that ought to send a big message to you.
As for falling apart because he won't talk to you; you're making it far too easy for him. That's a form of gaslighting, and it's how a narcissist tears you down. He's making you feel small and helpless. As if your very life depends on pleasing him. Having no support-system, leaves you vulnerable and desperate. Contact your family; so you'll feel connected. If you've pushed them away for his sake, you've now learned a very valuable lesson. Ride-out the silence, and stop showing him your desperation. Fake-it!
Get down on your knees and pray for God's protection and guidance. If you are a woman of faith, go to your place of worship; and get some counseling and prayer.
I repeat. Call a lawyer, know your rights, and prepare for the worse. Falling apart is exactly what he's expecting you to do. When your back is against the wall, use it as a temporary backbone!
May God bring you peace and guidance.
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