A
female
age
,
*athleen
writes:i have been married for 25 years, have a 5 year old daughter. my husband has come home with a sexual disease. he admitted he has been with a prostitute. i told him to leave and he said he was sorry and that he loved us both and did't want to go.i can't face staying with him. i hate him - he disgusts me - but i don't want our daughter to suffer. i have not loved him for some time and i feel he has not loved me. there has been no affection or feelings shown for years.what should i do?
View related questions:
prostitute, std Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007): i mean for the sake of your daughter depending on how old she is, wait till shes older so she understands, then take it from there. im so sorrry :(
A
female
reader, kathleen +, writes (2 February 2007):
kathleen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for all the advice,i still feel we need to part as i cant stand him near me ,i cannot let him touch me.we are due to go away next friday to spain with some friends ,he is begging me to still go ,& give him another chance,i'm still undecided,because of our daughter,
kathleen
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 Everyone has given you pretty stable advice, and I'm just going to reiterate it all.
If you stay with your husband, you're going to be miserable. He disgusts you and you hate him. Your daughter doesn't want to see that. In fact, if she does see the strained relationship you have, it could really hurt her. If you do leave your husband, I think it will make a much better environment for all of you.
I do think it's important for you to make sure your husband stays involved in your daughter's life. And I think it's also important to remember that your daughter is very sensitive to YOU and what YOU do. If you react badly with your husband, she will feel that. She will know somethings wrong. If you tell your daughter about the terrible things your husband has done to you, that could make some long term damage.
Really keep in mind how you're acting around her.
I'm sorry that your husband betrayed you in such an awful way. Part with him, keep him involved in your daughter's life, and when you are ALL together, put on a happy face for your daughter.
xxIndia
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 February 2007):
 What should you do? STICK BY YOUR GUNS that's what you do love. There is no excuse for what he did. You have said you haven't loved him for years so the marriage was over (on your part) long before this happened, this is just the icing on the cake for you and gives you a positive reason to end the marriage.
Unfortunately there is a child involved here and he still has his responsibility to her but it is better for her to be brought up in 2 seperate houses by 2 loving adults rather than be in the middle of the crossfire as you both argue and pull one another to bits all the time.
Stick by your guns here and tell him to leave, it's over! Something I think you should have done a long time ago. You both deserve to be happy and this marriage is only making you both miserable to end it now and both of you move on.
Eve
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007): Hi! im only 19, but i grew up in a family where my dad had cheated but my parents stayed together for the sake of the kids. And it was horrible, parents always fighting and arguing and we never say any love between them. From a kids perspective, we know whats going on, parents cant hide their unhappiness from us, and if we feel like its our fault, we feel guilty. I totally agree that I would have been happier with two happy parents who loved me, but not eachother, than parents who were miserable all the time.
Thats jsut my perspective, hope it helps!!
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (1 February 2007):
 Agree 100% with Eyeswideopen. Children are happier and in a more stable environment with happily separated parents more that with miserable ones. It's clear that you have no love for him, and he has obviously been unsatisfied by the relationship, so it's time to move on. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (1 February 2007):
 First of all I'm sorry this has happened and I'd advise you to get tested if there's any chance you could have contracted the disease. Wherever possible I think it's important to stay together when you have children. Their happiness has to be more important than your own so try and make it work with your husband if you can.
CD
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 February 2007):
 You should legally separate. Some time apart is called for here I think. Allow him to see his daughter frequently. Children are very resilient and as long as both parents behave themselves towards each other, the child will be fine. I definitely think children are happier with happy separated parents than miserable parents that have stayed together. If down the road your feelings remain the same towards your husband then divorce and move on.
...............................
|
