A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am in my 20s and my husband is great, perfect even. He takes me out, listens to be me, we have a great sex life, we hardly fight. It's wonderful. However....I recently began to notice that he never seems to notice young attractive women. The other day we were Christmas shopping and this gorgeous woman walked pass. I'm sure the entire street saw her but he didn't even notice her and I'm sure he could see her because she was walking towards us as we walked the other way. I even said "Didn't you see that bombshell?" and he said "Who?". He was dead serious. Now im not saying it's a bad thing, it's just a bit....weird don't you think? A friend of mine loving suggested he might be gay or at least bi because she notices it too. I've never seen him check out a guy before but he doesn't show interest in girls in any way. I'm don't even think he watches porn. Please don't think I'm trying to start conflictbut it just a bit concerning. I've notice this many times before but just shrugged it off.He's not the lying type and he knows I'd would never get upset if he says another woman is hot, I practically entertain it. But as a woman you expect a man to even sneak a peek every once in a while but Ben shows no interest whatsoever. Should I be concerned in any way?
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (29 December 2013):
To be honest i never catch my boyfriend looking at hot women but i know for sure he does he just makes sure he does it when im not looking and im sure yours is the same.
A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (29 December 2013):
 You should thank your lucky stars. And if you want the type who ogles at women and watches porn, then find someone else and let me have your husband please. He seems so nice! :-)
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (29 December 2013):
 Honeypie said it all. For my part, I don't understand men who open their mouth and need to show their high interest for nice girls like the Tex Avery's wolf. That's ridiculous and childish. As for being gay, if your sweet love was it, he couldn't make love with you just by the fact he could not erect. Is he bi, then ? Who knows, maybe even not himself. Maybe he is very concentrated and intense-thinker, or he just has problem to see clear ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): Ever thought to consider that you have different tastes in what is hot with regards to women? You mentioned he doesn't watch porn that you know of and never seeks peeks at girls you think are beautiful. Well he's either very respectable, has other things to content with at the time or the hot women isn't his image of hot. People notice how attractive others are all the time, its just polite not to oggle and make a show especially when already in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 December 2013):
 I FAIL to see why this is a problem. My guess is HE does notice them without being blatantly obvious.
He is being respectful to you and that makes him gay? WTF?
So you rather have a guy who ogles every chick that walks past?
My husband doesn't check out women when he is with me. What he does when he is alone or with friends I have no idea. NOR do I check out a hot piece of manfolk if my husband is right next to me, it's being respectful and minding your partner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): I agree with other posts that he probably notices generally but does not feel the need to stare or make it obvious - that is because he is focused on you. At the end of the day it is not a competition for attention it is all about manners - and manners maketh the man. My current boyfriend who I am planning to finish with very soon is very disrespectful in that sense and cannot help himself. The final straw was when I paid for a meal out for us both as a treat and the whole time during it his head was on the turn as every single blonde came in to the restaurant. I really wanted to throw his food in his face and walk out. If I was you I would be happy.
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A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (28 December 2013):
 And, this is a problem because...?Honey, there is nothing WRONG with your husband not looking at other women. In fact, it's a show of love and respect toward you that he DOESN'T; so just appreciate that fact and relax.;)I personally wouldn't want a husband who is always ogling at other women, or saying how hot other women are. He devotes his attentions to YOU which is what he SHOULD do. Even if he does notice these "bombshells" he is giving his attention to YOU and showing you respect. So please, appreciate that. My last boyfriend would look at other women--just not around me, and rarely said that someone else was "hot" and even if he did, it was usually a rock star or actress. It was out of RESPECT for me.Your friend suggesting that because he doesn't look/comment on attractive women must mean he's "gay" is just a negative stereotype, IMO. Appreciate that your husband loves, adores, and respects you. A lot of women would KILL to have your issue. LOL
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): Part of the reason for my divorce was that my husband was gay(yes a huge part of the reason). He notices beautiful woman all the time. Have you thought that maybe he finds you more beautiful than the woman you expect him to be looking at? I agree with the others, I think that it shows his love, dedication, and faith in you. Sounds like you got yourself a keeper!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): Of course he notices them.
He is just polite and respectful of you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 December 2013):
The truth is he will have noticed them. But he probably respects you enough not to sit there staring at them. You need to relax more about this.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 December 2013):
 And you're complaining because...?
My boyfriend almost never checks out women in front of me, it's just plain rude to do so and most guys with any manners won't be ogling women in front of their partner. Your guy is just polite, that's all.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (28 December 2013):
I think you are making something out of nothing. If the guy doesn't notice, then he doesn't notice. Not all guys care enough to look. Other guys have better things on their minds and better things to look at with their eyes. Even if you say you would be ok with it, most women I know are not ok with it. I am sure you can not handle a boyfriend who constantly looks at other women.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): Sorry but the friend of yours is a bit off the mark. Gay men can appreciate a beautiful woman too. You notice them, does that make you a lesbian?
OP I've had entire relationships lasting years where I didn't check out other women in front of my girlfriend. It's just a matter of politeness and conflict prevention, I can check out other women when she's not around.
A lot of women hate it, and some guys are better at making sure they don't do it. Especially if they had a jealous, possessive ex in the past. Those guys are experts at keeping their eyes to themselves. Other guys just really aren't into ogling women. Maybe his mother raised him not to.
This isn't something where there has to be a happy medium, OP. The bad version is the guy who can't stop staring at them in front of you. Mild glances to disinterested are pretty normal. Disinterest in other women is not a bad thing, perhaps he just has a busy mind is too busy thinking about other things to notice them.
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A
female
reader, Lieutenant +, writes (28 December 2013):
As a woman, I don't expect my bf/fiance/husband to be looking at any other woman, sneak peek or whatever, I shouldn't see it happening. You shoulld appreciate the obvious respect and adoration shown to you by your husband, not question it or question his sexuality.
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (28 December 2013):
You should not be concerned but quite the opposite,you should be flattered.It shows he loves you and is "in love" with you.You are his"bombshell",he doesn't want anyone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2013): I don't think you should be concerned. It shows you he's faithful he is to you and wants no other women. Relax, maybe it's all in your head.
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