A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey,My husband likes me to sleep with other men. It turns him on and is his greatest fantasy. At first I thought it was really strange but I found I actually really enjoy it too. Only thing is that I generally meet these guys out in pubs and clubs. They know I am married but they think I am actually cheating on my husband. I could never bring myself to tell them that he actually knows all about it and when I go home in the morning I will give my husband a run down of what happened the night before and then we will have great sex ourselves!Is this totally messed up? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, maidangela7349  +, writes (19 November 2015):
 probably one of the factors here is that your husband finds the situation humiliating. If this is so then it is likely he would like the humiliation to progress and he may wish to witness you in bed with your lover and eventually wish to serve you both as a maid. If this is so it may be better to seek a lover or lovers who will accept this
A
male
reader, akai  +, writes (22 August 2011):
I think what you guys are doing is great, I also would like my wife to do the same,I dream about it.I have read alot of comments from people that the husband maybe weak, small, can't perform in bed,and is just a wimp and is useless. Maybe in some cases,but not all.Does the term BULL mean the other man the wife is having sex with is stronger,bigger dick, bigger man,ect? I want my wife to enjoy sex with other men, I think its a turn-on,and I have no desire to be with other women, and as for me, being 6.3 and 260 lbs, with 7", I'am no wimp. I would crush some man if I thought he was hurting my wife.I just want him to enjoy her, have sex with her,then send her home safely.This lifestyle may end in divorce for some,and it makes for a happy relationship for some.I hope someday my wife has a boyfriend,and thank you for sharing your story.
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A
male
reader, maidangela7349 +, writes (12 December 2010):
Cuckolding when the husband knows is a masocistic thing. He gets off by being degraded and humilated. It is good that you are prepared to go along with it. As to him sleeping with other women I would say is unlikely but you could insist that he does not and being the sort he is he will probably obey you
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A
male
reader, BigSambo +, writes (8 December 2010):
I am just curious when you tell your husband? Do you do it when you see him or you give him details while having sex?
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (8 December 2010):
Everyone one of these relationship I knew of ended. Yours may last….
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): If you both like it, you practice safe sex, and you don't see it as a negative in your relationship keep doing it. If you aren't religious, don't worry about following whatever your religion says.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): To me your 'situation' is selectively messed up. But to each his own.Your hb is not the only one enjoying this, You are as well. So u both have gotten joy out of this arrangement. Hooking up with strangers at a bar , having protected/unprotected sex with them and then running hm to give the details to your hb, makes it very seedy indeed. Why not conjure up your fantasies in your head and then spin him a story (oops wouldn't work bec u want this as well)Do u have kids? Are u doing sufficient to protect them from your lifestyle?Your story shows us that Men are so different: some men will kill if another man just looks at his wife, others rant and rave and the remainder get turned on when other men have their wives. Aunts today I celebrate 19 years of marital fidelity and my hubby and I are so proud. Just wanted to share this little tidbit with you.To each his own, to each his own!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 December 2010):
 You've had answers that cover the 'am I bats' portion of your question so I don't need to go over that ground again but I do have to mention the risks of STIs.
Multiple sex partners means you are exposed to STIs, basically. You are meeting guys at bars and clubs who presumably aren't celibate and therefore you are exposing yourself to STIs from their previous sex partners and vice versa.
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/wellbeing/tripling-in-sexual-infection-prompts-demand-for-national-testing-20100112-m4tm.html
http://www.avert.org/std-statistics.htm
http://www.medicalobserver.com.au/news/screening-for-stis
http://www.health.gov.au/internet/main/publishing.nsf/Content/ohp-national-strategies-2010-sti/$File/sti.pdf
http://www.abc.net.au/pm/content/2008/s2284681.htm
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/10/01/3026847.htm?site=news
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/06/03/2916833.htm?site=news
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2010/04/30/2886766.htm?site=news
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/11/18/2745983.htm?site=news
Be sure to use condoms. Have frequent checks for STIs and ask your sex partners to do the same. Of course, when you do contract an STI, you will notify your sex partners in the past so that they can be checked and so that their other sexual partners won't be unnecessarily infected.
If you want to play, that's your perogative. It would definitely be "messed up" if your play led to STI transmission and compromised health and life for someone who wasn't aware of his or her risk.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I agree with YouWish. You might want to sit down together and really examine what the rules are... like write out lists of what fidelity means to YOU for HIM and him write out a list vice-versa. Your lists may look different, but at least you'll know what is okay and what's not!
I guess it's up to you what you tell the fellas, but it seems to me better to be known as a "open marriage" woman than a cheating woman! But, I suppose that is completely up to you and whatever you feel most comfortable with. Please make sure you are completely safe and backing up your birth control/STI protection! That would be a disaster.
I think that as long as you and your husband are happy and enjoying your lifestyle, it is fine with me. Make sure the rules are clear! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I might be in the minority, but in past questions about this subject (open marriage or man that likes when his wife sleeps with someone else).
The very terminology "Cheating" implies someone who covertly breaks the rules. In a marriage, the overwhelming number of couples view Rule #1 as the Monogamy Rule. "Forsaking all others."
But here the thing. If both partners are fully eager to change the rules in their marriage, then in this case, you sleeping with another man is NOT cheating, for it is within your marriage rules. You and he can change the rules at any time.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 December 2010):
I might be in the minority, but in past questions about this subject (open marriage or man that likes when his wife sleeps with someone else).
The very terminology "Cheating" implies someone who covertly breaks the rules. In a marriage, the overwhelming number of couples view Rule #1 as the Monogamy Rule. "Forsaking all others."
But here the thing. If both partners are fully eager to change the rules in their marriage, then in this case, you sleeping with another man is NOT cheating, for it is within your marriage rules. You and he can change the rules at any time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey again guys,
Thanks for all your replys so far. No my husband is not sleeping with other women...(he says he has no interest in this) and to be honest I dont think I would like him to sleep with other women (selfish and double standard i know). I dont really know why me sleeping with other men turns him on...he thinks it has something to do with him liking to be submissive and me to be dominant.
I am enjoying it at the moment but I know if people I care about found out..I would be so embarrassed and would definitley not admit to it, I would say I had been cheating instead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey,
Thanks for your answer! Really appreciate it. The reason I dont tell these guys is because I guess im afraid it will get out that we have a somewhat "open" marriage and I dont think I can handle the stigma thats attached with that. In not telling these men, they know they need to keep it quiet as they dont want to get caught with someone elses wife!
I must say its some what of a relief to hear that is not so uncommon...I sometimes feel like a freak!
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (8 December 2010):
 IS he sleeping with other women? AS long as you are fine with it then dont worry what others think. If you arent happy then tell ur husband u have done his fantasy. You dont have to continue it. Also why does the whole u having sex with guys turn him on? Just curious :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Yes, it is totally messed up. Try remembering your wedding vows, and find other ways to spice up your sex life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Messed up is a question of from whos perspective. From the general public's perspective most people would probably say yes. You and your husband have your own perspective, but you are asking the question because you are concerned that your behaviour sits outside the norm. You're asking, are we normal, is this behaviour ok, are we blindly heading towards danger doing what seems ok now, what is the conventional wisdom?
First and formost, I would say, the most important view is yours, followed second by your husbands, and then the rest of the planet in third. If you are ok with it, and your husband is ok with it, that's the most important thing.
However.....
It is true that this behaviour lies outside of the norm. Have you fully investigated why this unusual behaviour and fantasy exist in you and your husband? I suspect not, and the difficulty with that is that down the line, feelings may change, or the reasons as to why these unusual things are there in the first place may rear their head. This may create difficulties for your relationship. However, they may not. It might all be fine with you guys, the main thing is that you are able to communicate openly about it, both be happy about it, and deal with any difficulties that come up.
Also, consider risks of unwanted pregnancy and STD transmission which you presumably already do.
Other than that, if you and he are both happy with the arrangement, then enjoy your freedom from the norm!
Good luck.
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