A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Iam so imbarrased to write about this! But iam so tired of this I really need some advise! I have a husband that weighs 330pounds. I weigh 140pounds. Our sex sucks really really bad because of his weight. I keep on asking him to loose weight in nice ways and in mean ways. He tells me there's nothing he can do nobody is perfect! Anything he does he sweats worse than a pig iam not trying to be rude but that's the truth! And then he wipes his sweat off of my clean clothes and I get angry and discusted and he tells me I suppose to respect him! We've been married for 10 years and have two kids. I feel so dicusted when I just look at him not talking about having sex! He has big boobs and a big round belly. He tells me it doesn't matter how a guy looks as long as he supports the family but a lady suppose to look nice. And all he wants is his dick tobe sucked. We have not had sex for 6 months already. He is really angry about that. But I have no sex drive from him at all I can't stAnd French kissing him or anything sexual! I see other guys out there caring for their weight and looking nice makes me think to have sex with guys that look attractive and hansome! Everytime I pass by a nice looking guy I have this sex drive feeling and imagine things about him. I don't feel any love or sex drive for my husband I know that sounds wrong and rude but imagine a 330pound guy fuccking you there is no joy it hurts and dicusting. What should I do? I know he's my husband and I have two kids from him but I have no feelings for him at all! Than you for taking your time for reading this and giving me some advise!!!! I really need it!!!!!!!
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male
reader, soon567 +, writes (8 December 2010):
Nothing wrong in wht you asking of him. It could save his life...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): I think what you are feeling is normal. If I was in your position, Id feel very turned off by his bad habits and being messy and not caring how he looks. I once was so incredibly attracted to this womans mind, when I saw her, and how she drank alcohol and didnt care for her body...I could not, and I mean absolutely not be with her in any sexual way. HUGE turn off.
I think your husband needs to see what could be it in for him to lose weight. That is..a healthier lifestyle, feeling more confident with himself, eating right, and hopefully overall longer life span. Try to help him see what benefits he could have from joining a gym and sticking with a routine. Be active with him perhaps so as to help motivate him. Hope you guys can work things out :)
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 December 2010):
 If the shoe was on the other foot, and it was a guy coming in here talking about how disgusting his overweight wife is now and how he is now attracted to thinner women, the advise usually is to help her through it and love and support her.
First of all, why are you telling your husband "in mean ways" to lose weight? No, I don't think you *have* to respect him, but weight is a delicate thing to be talking about! How would you as a woman react if their husband told them in mean ways to lose weight, or he told you he hated some aspect of your body? It would HURT!
There is always an underlying cause for weight gain, no matter the gender. In rare cases, it's medical, such as underactive thyroid, use of prescription steroids, or what have you.
In the overwhelming number of cases, it's psychological. Food may be his security blanket of choice. He may be depressed or stressed, so he reaches for the chips. It could also be habitual. He chooses bacon double cheeseburgers over a salad or healthy sandwich. He drinks tons of sugared soda or beer. He eats loaded processed food.
You can either get disgusted and pissed at him, or you can be supportive, get rid of the fatty snacks in the home (ice cream, fried crap, cookies, chips, microwave popcorn) and replace it with healthier stuff. If you cook, focus on bringing out the taste in veggies. Cut down on frying stuff.
Do stuff WITH him. Go out and walk together, or go to the gym together. Do a team sport together. Start out with something easy like bowling or softball. Don't just tell him what to do. DO it with him.
I say all of that with one reservation. If he flat out refuses and pulls the whole macho RESPECT me crap and he refuses to take care of himself, then you need to rethink your arrangement with him. However, decide if you still love him, because divorce often brings about startling weight loss in people. Will you regret leaving him if he does lose the weight?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (8 December 2010):
My sister went through something like this. Her husband gained a considerable amount of weight after they got married. Before he was fit, really attractive, and had even done some modeling and acting. And when I say a considerable amount of weight I mean probably close to 200 lbs. I don't know the details but my sister said that she had lost interest in him sexually and had a hard time even kissing him. It kind of upset her because she cares about how she looks and tries to watch her weight and maintain her appearance not only for herself but for him too. So she kind of felt that he didn't care if he looked good for her like she did for him. Especially with the comments your husband has made to you, it sounds like (although out of line and uncalled for) it's his defense mechanism because he knows he doesn't look attractive so he puts you down to make you feel bad as well and convince you that it's okay for him to be fat.
I think that another "tactic" you should also use is that you want to see him healthy for your children. Wouldn't he like to be able to run around and play with your children? Does he want to leave you widowed with two kids to take care of after he has a heart attack? Maybe you can get fit together? I'm not trying to be rude here, but unless you're on the taller side for a woman, 140 lbs can be a little overweight depending on your height. Either way, it can be something you can do together and get healthier together. Then maybe he won't feel that it's only up to him to eat right and workout...make it a family thing. Make healthier meals, don't buy any bad stuff at the grocery store and make him work out with you...it's worth a shot if you haven't tried that already.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): hey there.
I can kinda understand where you are coming from though not to the extremes that you describe. My husband has put on some weight too...although not a whole lot but he just has a bit of a beer belly. However, when i met him first he had a really fit body and I get so turned on by men with toned stomachs (they dont even have to have six packs or anything but just be a bit toned and not a beer belly)! The thing is though, i still love my husband, i just would really like if he took a bit more pride in his appearance.
If you are not attracted to your husband any more that is one thing, but if you really know in your heart and soul that you dont love him anymore and there are no feelings there, then maybe its time you thought about leaving?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): if he refuses to lose weight and talks to you like you said then leave him. you dont deserve to be talked to like that and youve tried being nice in asking him to lose weight and if he wont even though its affecting your marriage then forget him. i know after 10 years that would be hard, and if you dont want to leave him then tell him exactly how you feel even if it does sound mean, maybe this will open up his eyes and make him see he may lose you. goodluck.
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female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (8 December 2010):
 If you have no feeling at all for him then divorce him. But there is a difference between not wanting to have sex with him, and not loving him anymore.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (8 December 2010):
It sounds likes you two have some problems that may take a professional to solve. He obviously is lazy and has found excuses to permit his laziness and weight gain, expressing that, "Nobodies perfect," or "The man provides, the woman looks nice." I'll tell you that is some incredibly wrong philosophy he's living by.
It may take a little more incentive to give him the motivation to get his act together. Tell him you think you need marriage counseling and let him know about your lack of sex drive. Even if he gets angry, he'll know that nothing is going to change unless he does.
The main problem here is laziness and it becomes worse when he thinks his laziness is somehow justified. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles; I honestly hope you patch things up and motivate him to exercise
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): i think there is only one solution to this - you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him and let him know ur not happy! dont let him push you around! make him join the gym or do something!
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