A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have only been married for 7 months. I have been with my husband for 6 years but these past few weeks have been hell. Here is my story.I saw a charge in our checking account for over 300.00 and I did not know where it came from. I called him he said he didn't know so I called the bank and they said it was made by him. He stuck by his word saying he had no idea and maybe someone stole his card numbers or something. I called the bank cancelled his card and waited for them to investigate the charge. Well sure enough he made the charge he went to a strip club one night while I was in class and spend over 300.00. I was angry and expressed to him how he should of told me the truth. He confessed and said he put everything out on the table. The next day and I decided to check HIS credit card to see if there was anything else. Sure enough there were several charges from the same place just a different night over 700.00 worth. I confronted him and him admitted to it. It is very hurtful I wish he would of just confessed when he was caught in his other lie. Well now we both decided on counceling. He cried to me and expressed how he wants to change and communicate better and be honest but I dont know if he will. I am scared we are going to fall back into the same pattern and he is going to hurt me. Also, this is not the first time, he as lied me useing drugs which he later confessed, I forgave him and he has stopped all together. But he said than he wouldn't lie to me anymore and now I feel like its starting all over again. As soon as I started building trust for our relationship he shatters it. What should I do? We start counceling this week but am I going about this the right way? Do I need to make him leave? I have never felt so uncertain and confused in my life.....
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female
reader, Bunnies +, writes (29 November 2007):
I could really understand you and feel what your going through
because, The same thing happened to me. I'm also married with
3 kids and me and my husband where also going through problems
One Saturday he was drinking with his friends and went to a
strip club. I also found out because he left the receipt on
the dresser he probably didn't think i would find it but i did
he waisted close to 300 dollars. I also asked him where did
he go last night he tried to lie off course!!!!
I showed him the receipt and told why did he do it he said because i wasn't showing him affection thats why he did it
but i told him he should have talked to me about how he felt
that way he didnt have to loose my trust now it's gonna take a while for me to trust him again. What hurts me the most is how can he waste that much money in one night instead of wasting it on our family and knowing that he got a lap dance
well i also need alot of advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): I could really understand you and feel what your going through
because, The same thing happened to me. I'm also married with
3 kids and me and my husband where also going through problems
One Saturday he was drinking with his friends and went to a
strip club. I also found out because he left the receipt on
the dresser he probably didn't think i would find it but i did
he waisted close to 300 dollars. I also asked him where did
he go last night he tried to lie off course!!!!
I showed him the receipt and told why did he do it he said because i wasn't showing him affection thats why he did it
but i told him he should have talked to me about how he felt
that way he didnt have to loose my trust now it's gonna take a while for me to trust him again. What hurts me the most is how can he waste that much money in one night instead of wasting it on our family and knowing that he got a lap dance
well i also need alot of advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, confused in WVa +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Counseling is a big beginning of healing. Remember that it takes two to make it or break it. I would suggest that you talk about the use of drugs your husband did ...in the past? With the ammount of money he is spending at the strip clubs, are you sure he isn't using drugs now? Drug users are very good liers. The counseling can help, but only if you both are honest with the counceler and eachother. If it turns out that he is using drugs, please urge him to get into a rehab unit. Only he can take the steps to get off the drugs. Good luck and God bless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Tell the bloody fool you will give him a lap dance save yourselfs a fortune to pay for the counseling. I know am making light of this hope you guys get through it good luck
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Hi,
A lap dance would be expensive, probably more so than one would think.
But would it cost more than say 50 or a 100 bucks? Maybe if it was a high class joint, then the skys the limit I suppose.
I'm sorry to say but if he's spent several hundred dollars in a strip club its hard to believe he didnt have sex.
Personally I have only been to one once and it was ages ago, it was damn expensive though just for a drink so maybe if he had a few drinks ,bought girls a few drinks, and a couple of lap dances - it could cost several hundred dollars if you add it up. Still it doesnt paint a rosy picture of your man does it?
I hope your counselling works..good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis probably sounds nieve, but he said lap dances??? Does it really cost that much?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Good luck with the couseling, I'm afraid I know what might cost that much at a strip club.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies. Yes this would be the first time going to counceling, for both of us. What bothers me the most about this is that he lied and he knew I was calling the bank and trying to see where the charge was coming from and he said he would call the bank to and see. (even though he made it). He also convinced me that someone might of got his card numbers. It also bothers that he went to the strip club (both times) by himself. Not with any of his friends so it seems odd to me. If he went with a friend for a few drinks It honestly would not have bothered me. But What costs over 1000.00 at a strip club? It just doesn't add up to me.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): I think you need to stick on in there to see what the counselling throws up for both of you. Maybe you will see each other in a different light. He has to stop this lying though and if he has got into a pattern and got used to it, then i may be hard to break out of. I would be hurt if my bloke had done that to me, let alone gone to a club like that. Go ahead with the counselling and see how you feel afterwards. Be patient because this will not be put right overnight.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, peaches83  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Your concern is understandable. You say that your build up your trust and then he shatters it. Have you been to councelling beofre with him??
May be this is the right step to take.
Relationships do have their ups and downs and sometimes there are lies involved.
You need to question on the reasons of why he didnt tell you about his going ons. Is it simply due to lack of comunication or something else maybe embarrasment?
Men enjoy things like this adn to be honest i do not see anything wrong with this in a way it is like non hardcore porn, but with out the sexual side.
Are you dissapointed or feeling crappy that he has gone to a strip club, has this made you feel a certain way?
I agree that you need to address the issuse and that you need to build up your cominication.
If you dont mind him going to these places let him know that he doesnt have to hide it, also if comfterble with it go with him to one this will open a new chapter in your life that will show not only trust and understanding but also a spark that is needed.
I hope this helps and good luck with the councelling i think it could do the world of good.
Peaches
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 Obviously lies are the culprit here.
I think the counseling is a great idea. He is obviously afraid of losing you, and therefore he tells lies.
You need to tell him that you will love him regardless, but if you can't trust him to tell you the truth, your relationship is built on sand, and won't last.
Having a truth session is a great idea. The rules are: Each partner gets a chance to tell the truth about any and everything.(However much they think it might hurt the other person) The other person is not allowed to speak at all during this event, and must acknowledge each truth by saying only the words "thank you"
After that person is done telling the truth, the other party is allowed to ask if some of the "truths" may be discussed further, but if the person says no, you have to accept it, and never bring it up again. This will build trust. Then it is your chance. It might be easier for him if you go first, and be brutally honest. But remember - keep to the rules.
Everybody makes mistakes, and everybody needs a second chance, so grant him that - and make this work. After all, you did marry him, so there must be a very strong connection.
Hope this helps. Good luck
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