A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do I repent for all the hearts and minds that I toyed with and crushed? I never knew what it felt like to be crushed because I was always the one doing the crushing and not giving crap about how I left my victims broken and damaged. I left my husband for other men and women. I had lots of affairs on my husband. He always took me back and stayed faithful to me. Last year my husband left me for a younger woman. I was devastated. I'm still devastated. My heart is shattered. My grieving is getting worse. My days and nights are spent in tears. Is this my karma? Why is this punishment happening to me? I don't want to apologize to all the people I crushed because that's for them to get over.How do I repent to get rid of all this pain and hurt that destroying my life?I don't apologize to people I wrong so don't suggest that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): Repentance, in its entirity is seeking/asking forgiveness, RESTITUTION when possilbe.
What you feel is remorse, guilt. A life lesson and to be honest, good. I like when people can feel remorse. It means you are not a sociopath, however.
If you don't care to seek forgiveness and ask it of others by being accountable, then as Daniel suggest- get over it.
Do so with counselling.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (8 December 2011):
 It isn't a question of repenting.
It is a question of understanding that the humility you feel is something you can learn from.
To get over this, you need actually to stop blaming yourself. It happened. Yes, probably because you treated your husband badly. But perhaps also because he got to a certain age and is a man. So it very likely isn't all your fault. But whosever the fault, it is a fact, so better to stow it away and not let it spoil any more of your life.
Why don't YOU find a younger MAN? You need a distraction. Find someone. Stop focusing on the past. Focus on the future. And hey - be nicer to this one!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 December 2011):
 I suggest you move on.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 December 2011):
 You ask how you can repent and then say “I don’t apologize to people I wrong”. Maybe you don’t’ apologize but you need to heal and make amends. YOU were WRONG and yet you refuse to own your actions and make amends…. BTW making AMENDS is different than making apologies http://www.sobernation.com/making-amends-vs-making-apologies/I do believe in Karma. And I do believe that the Karma bus will run you over if you deserve it. I don’t’ think that the karma comes from the actions but rather from the refusal to make amends…Amends are made to help YOU heal. IF YOU want to heal your pain, you have to make amends to those you have hurt and wronged.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011): Just have to live with it OP that's how life is, we all have our limits and you pushed your husband to his. It's not karma OP you were just a shitty wife, simple as that.
It's not solely your fault anyway OP, everyone who let you do this to them was partially at fault for all this happening just the same as you are partially at fault for your husband leaving.
Forget about apologies and things like that and focus on making sure you build a life for yourself where you won't do this kind of thing again because the only person you're truly hurting here is you. Figure out the reasons and try and fix them, perhaps you should go to counselling because only a person with mental issues would think the way you do about things like this.
You don't deserve this pain but you are responsible for it, so you have to learn how to treat yourself better and actually create a life for yourself where you're not going to self destruct or sabotage it.
That's how you atone OP, you go forward having learned all the lessons you can because you can't change the past. You can only ensure the future is better.
Atonement is not about pain, religions have gotten that all wrong. Atonement is about finding balance and happiness again. Atonement is about learning from your mistakes and not hurting others in the same way. Atonement is not about punishment, it's about forogiving yourself and doing what youcan to make things better.
As for apologies, fuck that, you made your bed now you have to deal with the consequences just as they did. They had a choice, they made their own decisions and they have to live by them too.
Just get on with it OP because life is too short to live in the past and the only way you will heal is if you make your future a good one.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011): No, it's not karma. It's cause and effect. You compromised your marriage for many years and this left your husband wide open to fall in love with someone else. Karma would be if every new man you get involved with after your divorce lied and cheated on you.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 December 2011):
It's not really karma. There's no such thing really. Fate doesn't suddenly decide to play its hand when it feels like it. If it did, the continent of Africa would suddenly be a happy place because it's suffered so much.
What actually happens in life, is people make decisions. And those decisions often set off a chain reaction that eventually becomes very big.
You've admitted that you've cheated on many occasions. In return, that has made your husband question everything about you and the marriage. Finally, he decided that he'd had enough and left. That wasn't fate. That was years of being cheated on and being left getting to him. He just saw that the marriage you had was a mess and had to stop it for his own sake.
In respect of how you can move on, you have to take your own advice. You said you'll never apologize to people because that's for them to get over. Therefore, you have to really look at your own life, look at the mistake you've made and slowly get over them. You need to ask yourself why you cheated so many times. You need to work out why you've never apologized. Most of all, I think you need to go and live your own life by yourself right now. Years of being with a man and cheating on him have done nothing for you.
Go and live life. Forget men, forget the idea of karma, and accept that your behaviour was what drove your husband away. When you can do that, you'll start to move on and hopefully your life will get better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011): Its not Karma, it's called getting your just dessert..
Instead of wallowing in self pity, accept your lot,you know why he left you,improve yourself.Vow to learn from your mistakes. You will never be happy with yourself or anyone until your happy inside.
And I doubt you will find anyone who loved you as your Ex did.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (8 December 2011):
 Ummm.. you are who you are, and it doesn't sound like you have any intention of changing. That's fine, as I say you are who you are. But other people are the way they are, and as you find out, they might get fed up with you one day and run away.Karma is not as simple as you make out. It's not about doing things to make some sky God take away your pain. You have acted in certain ways, and those actions have caused other things to happen. You can't go back to the past and fix it, you can't just say your sorry, or apologise or something. You have created the life you now live."Why is this punishment happening to me?" You treated your husband terribly, you didn't give a crap about anyone's feelings, your husband got fed up, met a nice kind person and decided he deserved a happy life, which you could never give him.Can't say I'm sorry about your pain, it was self-inflicted and at the time you enjoyed yourself. That's karma, every little action breeds a reaction, that's basic physics.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2011): sounds like you are discovering that it is emotionally a lot easier to be the 'dumper' than the 'dumped'.when you end it, you know it is coming and you are prepared for it, when it is done to you it can be a huge shock.try and occupy yourself and you will find over time it takes up less of your mental energy. nothing helps you to get over the last one by being with the next one, and try to appreciate your own space and living according to your own timetable.you are now in a position to do as you please, try and take advantage of that.easier than it sounds but if you find yourself going over and over the same ground in your head, make an effort to think about something else or go and do something to distract yourself. dont dwell on it if there is nothing you can do to change it.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 December 2011):
 What goes around, comes around.
You tested your husband's patience to the limit, to the point when he had finally perhaps even given up on himself. Can you even imagine how he must have felt, through all your affairs? His sense of self worth was questioned every time you strayed. He probably wondered if the problem was with him, and that's why he took you back every time.
Until the point he realized, "you know what, its not me. I deserve better." And that's why he left you for someone who finally values him, because no one deserves any less.
It actually amazes me, that you were a cheater, you were obviously not ever sorry for your actions, yet you expected nothing but fidelity from him.
You're actually asking, "why is this punishment happening to me"? REALLY? what else did you expect? How can you expect something which you've never given him? Did you think you were invincible? A trophy?
You've never bothered about anyone whom you've hurt, and by your own admission, there have been a lot of people that you have crushed along the way. This was just a car crash waiting to happen. Unless you let go of this false sense of pride that you have, no one can help you.
"I don't want to apologize to all the people I crushed because that's for them to get over."
"I don't apologize to people I wrong so don't suggest that."
Well, since you've pretty much shut out both the options by which you could marginally feel better, there's not else left for you to do. There is no shame in saying sorry, unfortunately you are too rigid to see that. Apologizing to anyone wont change anything, it will just make you feel better about yourself and get rid of this guilt that is consuming you. But if you don't want to, just too bad.
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