A
female
age
41-50,
*anja
writes:i am married now for 2years i was married with two kids i work and he works also, my salary is smaller than his but i pay more bills than he pays and he spends his money in pubs with friends, i feel very bad, i am responsible for all, for my kids and also for him, what can I do to feel happy again[Moderator's note: Post edited to make it more intelligible.]
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male
reader, w0trh-it  +, writes (30 December 2009):
It looks like your husband is being irresponsible and selfish.if he makes more money than you do,obviously,he needs to step up and take care of the family.Separate the bills in half and the higher bills give it to him and never never pay his part of the bill.I'm sure his going to lie to you and tells you his broke when it comes time to pay the bills. Don't fall for it. stick to the plan and make him realize your serious about this. Eventually,he wont have any choice but to pay.If he wont be responsible for you and your kids, then you don't have to be responsible for him.Its okey!If he loves you,then you guys can work it out.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 I'm with Country Woman.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 From the difference in language etc, I am guessing you had your children with someone else before your current husband?
Is that right?
A marriage is meant to be about equality and if you are paying everything and he is accepting that then he is not exactly a man who is prepared to have an equal relationship with you.
If your children are from a previous relationship, do you get separate money from their father for them?
Perhaps suggesting having a joint account where you can both put money into for just household bills may be something you could suggest, this does not mean that you cannot have your own account and he still has his own account.
Let him know that you are struggling to pay the bills and live and as your salary is a lot lower than his - you cannot continue to live like this.
Do you fear what his reaction would be if you confronted him with that idea?
Whilst you remain the downtrodden partner who spends all her salary and he is the one out drinking with friend's you will always feel that way.
You either have to stand up for yourself or change the situation. If you leave it as it is, in time you will resent him and I fear that is the current situation.
Someone can only be put upon for so long before they bite back.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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