A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just found out my husband took 3,000.00 from our account over the weekend and did not tell me. I found out when i went to pay my mortage of 2,800.00; there was 500.00 left in the account but he continued to use his debit card and now there is only 250.00 left in the account. I just found this out this morning and when i called he had nothing to say except what money are you talking about. This has happened numerous other times in our marriage. I just put my check in the bank the other day for 1,700.00 and now i have only 250.00 with a 150.00 check i wrote this weekend for my sister babysitting our kids. i dont know what to do. He says its because we r not having sex; but were not having sex becuase i dont trust him and this affects me. Please help
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female
reader, svf  +, writes (12 July 2011):
 Please follow the advice that has been posted here! It sounds awful, you are going through hell!!! Another thought, if he isn't paying for sex or drugs, is he gambling? Please take care, your children and you come first. Lack of sex is NO EXCUSE for taking money from the family. Just disgusting attitude from your husband really... Also, make sure you get the banks to check the transaction history. When you have clear evidence, you can decide if you want to continue with this man or not. Meanwhile, make sure you open a personal account in your name ONLY. Please take care and good luck xx.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 July 2011):
 So, he says that he's bleeding money out of your joint account because you're not having sex with him? I'm interested to know where that money is going, to be honest. If he's using the lame excuse of sex, does this mean he's using this money for sex? Or drugs? Or an affair? Have you asked him what he is doing with the money?
I would recommend that you immediately open a bank account in your name only. Do not use any security question that he would know the answer to, nor any password that he would know. Put your checks into that account to protect him from his bleeding. Take whatever money that is in the joint account and put it into your account.
Technically, you can't take money from his checks and put it into your account, but you can immediately pay the bills with it as soon as the money hits (I assume his is direct deposit?).
He's on something, that's for sure. $2800 in a month is a lot of money. Check for secret credit cards in both his and your name. Check your credit score to see if he's stolen your identity to open up credit under your name.
You have kids, so you have to protect them. They are priority. After taking steps to protect money that you need in order to house and feed your kids, you need to confront your husband. Demand to know where the money has gone, and be prepared to leave him if he does not come clean about what he's been doing with it.
Addicts will make up any excuse as to WHY they need to bleed money, so you won't get any real answer, because they'll make up some excuse. The real question is WHERE the money's going. If he's saying that he's not having sex with you, ask him if he's putting the money away for the kids. You already know the answer to that one, but he can't have an excuse as to why he's stealing money from his kids' mouths.
Financial infidelity is just as bad as sexual infidelity. Both are betrayals and destroy trust.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Wait, he says he is taking $ because you are not having sex?
Go open a new bank account and switch ALL deposits to enter that account. DO not add his name to the account.
On the joint account he withdrew from, demand a statement from the bank showing WHO withdrew cash. Show it to your husband and ask him where the $ went!
If you have a joint credit card, cancel the account and open one only in YOUR name.
If he is the ONLY income in your family, then you have bigger problems with his stealing from his FAMILY and lying about it.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Have the bank block his access to any of your accounts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): First of all it doesn't matter if you're having sex with him or not, HE DOESN'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE MONEY FROM YOUR ACCOUNT. It seems like he may have a certain addiction that is making him spend lump sums of money like that. And secondly please get your own account and direct your money there!!!! Do not I REPEAT DO NOT deposit anymore money into this account. His sneaky spending habits are affecting your household and you shouldn't take that lightly. And it's even more frustrating because he's done this to you before. You truly need a wake up call. I think you both should seek counseling if he's willing because there is an underlying issue here. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, van1llabeeen87 +, writes (11 July 2011):
 it sounds like he has a sugar baby or something....interesting that you trust him when he keeps secretly taking large amounts of money from your bank account and lying about it!!
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