A
female
age
51-59,
*ngel starlight
writes:I have recently got married again and gradully my husband is imposing boundaries and when i challenge these he becomes incredibly angry to the point of screaming, telling me i'm stupin and running down my friends and family. He is now tell8ng me my friends are not welcome in the home and he does not want me meeting them as "i should be committed to him". I'm feeling frightened, shocked and loosing my confidence. I'm a placid professional person who works with vulnerable people and for the first time in my life i feel like i'm the one who needs support and am unsure how/where to access this. Any advice wwill be greatefully accepted.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): Your husband picked you because you are placid so you need to rework that.
Are you prepared to put your foot down and go for a divorce on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour?
How much of him can you tolerate?
If he is a jekyll and hyde type then research sociopathic relationships!
Meanwhile as your world crumbles down shore up your financial status.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): If you're a professional who helps people in your current situation; then "physician heal thyself!"
You can't offer advice and guidance to others, and not practice what your preach. Whatever advice I offer posters on this site, I have used myself. You can't empathize with people; if you just "quote the book," and not know what to do when you're in their shoes. You've got to follow your own advice.
You know what behavior patterns to look-out for, you know what resources are available; so now is the best time to act. Don't wait until he has alienated your family and friends. You also have to show some backbone.
How could someone like that fool you into marrying him? You must have been in an awful hurry to get a husband. You've been trained to identify certain behavior that clearly indicates aggression, potentially violent behavior, and possible mental disorders.
Do not hesitate to go into action. Don't wait for violence.
Annul the marriage. Seek legal advice immediately!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 So you know the signs and you know that logically you should leave or kick him out, right?
Are you asking for "how to fix him" - "change him"?
Or what your next step should be?
You know he is NOT going to change. You know you can't fix him or change him. THIS is who he is. THIS is what your husband is like.
That you got married to a guy who turned out be NOT a great partner and not a great person, it HAPPENS. Doesn't mean you have to stay for the rest of your life with this man.
ACCEPT that your marriage is not going to work. So leave (or kick him out of the house was yours before marriage) and start the divorce. TELL your family and friend and get their support.
If the house was HIS before marriage - MAKE sure you take your names of ALL bills, do a change of address, get ALL important documents out of the house (before he knows) Anything that you hold dear, like pictures, mementos, jewelry, etc.
If you two have shared bank account - open a new bank account and have your salary rerouted to the new account. If you have ANY money that is YOURS in shared bank - TAKE them out and put them in the new bank account.
After you have gotten ALL your ducks in a row, file for divorce and CUT the contact, BLOCK his number or even consider changing yours.
YOU can do this. You know what to do. You need to get out.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Do you actually WANT to leave him? Or are you looking for advice on how to sort out this situation so you can stay married? I ask because, as you work with vulnerable people, I would have thought you would know where and how to get help in this sort of situation. Also because you don't actually say you want to leave him.
It doesn't sound like this man loves you. It sounds like he wants to OWN you. Two completely different things. He will use as much force as he feels he needs to to get his own way. With time, whether you knuckle down and do as he wants or not, the control will get stricter and most probably escalate into physical violence.
I am sure you already know what you need to do. Do you have family or friends you can escape to and stay with while you get a place of your own sorted out? Make sure you see a solicitor and to make sure you get your fair share of assets out of this marriage. And please keep yourself safe because, once you leave, he will do everything he can to get you back under his control. He will plead. He will cry. He will promise he will change. DON'T BELIEVE HIM.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Do not stay in this situation! He is trying to isolate you and then control you and he will slowly wear you down to the point where you may start to believe what he is saying. Reach out to your friends and family and let them know EXACTLY what is happening. Don't be ashamed to say what is really going on in the marriage. Anyone that loves you will want to help you.
If you have the means to leave I would do so as soon as possible. Contact an attorney find out where you stand and realize that this isn't a marriage but it is turning into a prison.
I wish you all the best sweetie. I went through what you are going through. Save yourself. It seems eons ago to me now, but it was a very upsetting disturbing time in my life. I'm glad that it is now just a faded memory.
Sometimes people just aren't what they seem and then after you marry them, you find out who/what they really are. Do NOT stay in this marriage if you don't see any way to work things out.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Divorce him?
Tell your family members what is happening and I am sure they will be at your aid immediately. Don't let this man isolate you or things will go downhill rapidly.
Get out whilst you still can.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Sorry for you, You need to do some packing, for him or for you , If I was you I would sleep with a friend tonight, and take it from there,
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