A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HEY!!!! I've been dating this guy for six months and I was looking on Instagram and found his ex-girlfriend's page. Her page is public. When I looked at all her pictures he liked almost all of the recent ones. Him and I are not friends on Instagram. We did discuss if he was friends with his ex on Instagram and he said no he's not, but she's following him on Instagram. Even though he's not following her he still goes to her page and likes all her pictures. They were together for five years and they broke up because apparently she's crazy he says he's over her but I don't believe him because why would he go on her page and like her pictures, how do I approach this? He doesn't know that I have access to her Instagram page but every time he likes a picture I get so upset and I don't want to reveal it because then Ill look crazy lol
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (29 July 2017):
 Yes I see that you have picked up the same meaning of crazy as I and most men, but maybe he gave her good reason to be crazy or jealous,
Many men make the same mistake and think they have a god given right to say "I would give it to her" and other stupid things thinking that their GF should know that he is just been a dick,
Why people like photos I don't know, there have to be many reasons, as some people like a photo and I just put it down to been polite, or a form of networking, to get somewhere else,
As you have not much to go on and rightly don't want to be seen as the next one on the crazy list, lol You could add him to your Instagram and mark your territory so to speak,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2017): Well, did he ever elaborate on what he meant when he said she's "crazy?" Like, if he completely blocked her; she'd storm over to your place and raise hell, or become an online social-media terrorist?
As for being totally over her, I lean towards Honeypie's view of it.
Often, when a new girlfriend comes into the picture; he has to slowly back-away as not to draw her attention to you. She wants likes from everybody she knows, and that's pretty much how it goes anyway. I've liked some pretty stupid memes and videos of people making total jackasses of themselves. It's just to be nice. I will tell them how ridiculous it is when we're face to face. That's how I roll.
He still may have some attachment, and won't completely let go. Judge the whole thing by how much she interferes in your relationship. Not by how much she shows him her stupid pictures on Instagram.
I mean seriously, don't let your relationship be ruled by how many times he likes a dumb picture of her sappy face. He's just keeping up his numbers, holding her at bey; until she gets herself a boyfriend to keep her preoccupied, and he establishes if you and he are going to make it as a couple.
Exes unfortunately don't disappear off the face of the earth, and some people choose to stay "friends." I prefer to keep my distance, and pretend they don't exist. That's just me.
Conduct your relationship like two adults. You should be more concerned if they maintain too much face-time, or she's always up in your grill. If all you ever see of her is some stupid activity or picture she posted to get attention, don't sweat it.
Being jealous so early in a relationship is somewhat immature. He can't make his past go away, he is obviously seeing you and she knows about it. So don't go all teenager over "likes" on Instagram. If he gives her likes, she'll behave and not be a pain in the ass; while you're both getting to know each other better. Eventually he'll loose interest. Old-habits die hard.
Like blackheads, some exes are hard to get rid of; and they turn ugly if you pick at them.
If it's evident (not your suspicion based on insecurity) that she's going out of her way to show you how close they still are. Dump him! It's his responsibility to settle all accounts with exes before he brings in the new girl.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 July 2017):
 Well, two things here.
One he LIED about it when asked. He said he was over her blah blah... he didn't totally mean it.
As for WHO follows him, well he could block her but that might cause drama he doesn't want OR he likes her stalking his Instagram OR he is into the whole "numbers-game" and doesn't want to lose a "follower".
As for liking HER pictures. Again, I think it shows that he isn't over her. He might not follow her, but he is OBVIOUSLY on her page enough to see when she posts new pictures so he can "like" them.
Here is the thing, you can point out what you know and yes it might put you in a "controlling" light. He isn't going to stop.
If the truth is, that HE isn't totally over her and WANTS her in his life even in a minimal capacity then TALKING to him is not going to change a thing.
So you have to DECIDE can you handle that he "likes" her pictures and that she follows him on Instagram or is this just not working for you.
Personally, I don't see the big deal here. AT all. Not with the liking of an ex's pictures. So what? IF there is no other contact it's just not a big deal in my book. He had a life BEFORE he started to date you and SHE was a big part of that if they were together for 6 years. Many people don't just wipe the "slate" clean after 6 years. I still talk to my first BF over e-mail a couple of times a year and we haven't dated in 25+ years! My husband has his high school GF on FB and they talk occasionally - she and I actually text a couple of times a week and talk more than HE and her do.
BUT if it's because he isn't over her and trying to keep her in his life (even though he called her crazy) then I would wish him well and end the relationship. Someone who isn't fully over an ex-GF doesn't really commit wholeheartedly in a new relationship.
So you have to decide what you are OK with and what you are not. But you have to ask yourself WHAT is your ultimate goal?
...............................
|
