A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband has been emailing his old high school girlfriend who is a single mom. He states that he has looked to her for advice regarding having a teenage daugther. The emails also show that he has been confiding in her with our marriage problems about me in regards to not appreciating him and our problems overall. In addition, this female's tone in the email demonstrate that she praises how wonderful he is and how much he should be appreciated by his wife. She also seems to know a lot about him that I don't even know. What should I feel about this and how should I handle this email correspondence? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (17 February 2007):
AskEve is right on the money. IT sounds like a midlife crisis to me. He's been thinking about the old days, youthful..... whatever. He's sharing too much information and she's stroking his ego and playing the poor baby motherly role. He's almost baiting a trap to catch himself in.
This is a slippery slope. At this point, he's convinced himself it's harmless because she's just being contacted by email. But, if they were in close proximity with eachother, he'd also convince himself it would be OK to see her because they're "just " friends.
He also trying to hide in plain site. In other words, he couldn't possibly be doing anything wrong because he's not hiding it from you. That really amounts to half truths. This is so because, if you thought he had other intentions in his communications, you'd object to his correspondence. But because you're a trusting wife and not snooping, he is free to write what he wants. He feels that as long as you don't get angry and accuse him of anything, he can continue to play this game.
Listen, she's making him feel good on some level. He shouldn't share the information about your personal life. He's proabably reliving some sexual memories etc. Is your sex life still good. Are you making him feel good about his status in your eyes. If you're not, it sounds like someone is willing to take your spot. It is very important to reaffirm our feelings towards our partners often. Life gets busy, we forget. Feelig get hurt and people grow resentful. This leads to lies and cheating.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (17 February 2007):
 Has he shown you these emails freely or have you managed to find them when he's not been around? I think he's on very dangerous ground here. He's telling this SINGLE woman things about you, mainly problems in the marriage. She obviously fancies him and is cooing away at him, boosting his ego.
If it were me I'd be telling him you feel very unhappy that he's telling her so much about your marriage problems and communicating with her regularly in general. Point out that she's a single mom and has already fallen for him, what is he thinking of? Ask him if he really thinks you don't appreciate all he does for you? Let him know you're really hurt by all of this. If he doesn't put an end to it soon then he'll end up meeting her and more.
If he's adamant he still wants to communicate with her then as to read the emails he sends, after all he's nothing to hide has he?
He's playing a dangerous game and my advice is for him to let her know that at the end of the day he loves his wife dearly even with her imperfections, He should wish her all the best with her life and hope she finds Mr Right and leave it at that. Then you both need to concentrate more on each other. Talk to one another and get to know one another again. Ask how you can change for the better and vice versa. Show him a bit of attention and boost his ego a bit and hopefully this will be all that's needed for your marriage to get back to normal.
Eve
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