A
female
age
,
*atinder
writes:i am an indian woman whois very sincere to her husband and family. We got married 30 years ago after 7 years of love with each other inspite of my parents unwiilingness they maaried us. My husband had cheated me earlier also many a times. and i was suspecting the same for the last one year. but never had a chance to catch him or sometimes trusted him what ever he said though he had always been telling lies. 6 weeks ago I found out that my husband had an affair with some other woman whom i donot know. i read their sms and was shocked. they spend nights out together and i have proofs. now he says that he does not want to annoy me and it is over and is trying very hard to please me. but i know this is not over and i suspect that even to night he is gone out with that woman. i have a married son and to be married daughter plus elderly parents whom i donot want to hurt. i have never told this thing to anyone in the family or friends, because i have to marry my daughter. it is difficult for me to either leave him or even stay with such a big cheater and a lier. i cannot even die because of my children. He has told lots of lies and last week I found that he is still in contact with her, so the trust is broken and I check up on him a lot, which is not something I would ever have dreamt of doing before. I want to save our marriage but not if he keeps cheating me. what should i do.View related questions: affair, divorce
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (23 October 2009):
 Its no so easy for a woman to leave her husband in India or in other traditional cultural parts of the world, its a totally different ballgame then the western world.People need to be understanding of this and give the asker a neutral hekpful answer, if the asker was to leave her husband now the society she lives in may go to the extent of shunning her completely. The asker has to be careful in dealing with such answers and do whats best for her.Thank you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): Why are you still with him if he doesn't care for you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): Leave him. You deserve to be happy. Your children will understand.Cheating is not an easy thing to overcome. Sometimes its better to be alone than in bad company!!
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (23 October 2009):
Unfortunately because your husband has been doing this for so many years he wont change.
He makes promises to you and breaks them every time he is a very selfish man.
I think the best thing you can do is try and live for your children for now until they get married (i know what shame divorce can bring on an asian household). Once the children are settled maybe think about then if you can live with a man who cheats you every time.
Its a difficult situation you are in but you have managed this far and you can manage a little longer until the time is right for you to make a decision. If you want to stick by him this is your choice but he wont change.
Its so unfortunate you live in a society which judges the women the most but i think you can live a happy life without your husband, but right now its the children what matter because they are your strength and happiness.
I also believe what goes around come around (karma) your husband will have to pay for any wrong doing to you.
For example my grandfather cheated my grandma (from my knowledge twice) this was kept hidden from the society they lived in as it was not acceptable.
My grandma lived her life for us, she was my mother, and she did what she could to please my grandad whilst he lived out his life with holidays abroad with his mistress. He hurt her alot and never stopped seeing his mistress.
Of course my family/society turned a blind eye and i was too young to realise but i remember the arguements.
He used to beat her (my granny) too if she even spoke out against it!
Now lets move on 20 plus years, my granny and grandad are old.
But karma being a law means that now its my grandad who is siffering.
My grandma is now content (being with alzeimers and unaware of the past) whilst grandad has to make amends by caring for her on a fulltime basis, let me tell you its hard work for him, as she's now the one calling the shots! no evil to another is ever let go without a form of punishment and your husband to will one day realise the pain of his actions towards you.
I hope this story helps encourage you forward & goodluck!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 October 2009):
 There must be someone within your temple whom you could speak to regarding this. You have evidence of messages between them and surely cheating is not at all acceptable within your religion. It is not fair that you should have to suffer this way but I know things must be difficult.
You need to let someone know,as you need the help of those close to you to find a solution.
I am so sorry your going through this and I hope you find a way through.
Aunty Em xxx
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 October 2009):
He isn't going to change. Is there any way you could leave? He has treated you so disrespectfulluy, I don't think anyone would blame you.
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