A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for ten years. I married the wrong guy; my husband is a good person, he just isn't the one for me. I am a people person, and he is a 'person' person. He only seems to need me, and isn't interested in making friends or having interests of his own. I have always found this stifling, but even more so the last couple of years. I met a man a couple of months ago, who i developed feelings for. He developed feelings for me too, but we didn't act on it. I don't want to be a cheating wife, and he doesn't want to help someone to cheat.Is there any hope for my husband and i? I hate the thought of being separated/divorced. But i also hate the thought of not fully 'living'. Right now, i feel guilty every time i go out with friends, or have to work late, or have the house to myself. This is because i'd rather these things than have to spend any more time with my husband. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): hi feel exactly the same .. I am married for nearly tem years . Hate my husband and have three kids with him ... I hate him so much but i cant leave him due to the kids . I am frightened of being on my own . We row constantly and there is never a happy moment in my life . I dont have many friends cause i do not have time to socialize . I am so depressed. He upsets me too much . Although i look like the strong one but i am not. I cry myself to sleep everynight . I dont sleep woth him and if i do its him more then me . I really dont understand why i have to put up with all this i hate him such
A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 I'm so sorry to hear that you're in this situation. Sometimes we get ourselves into predicaments that it's really tough to get out of. Trying to decide whether to end a marriage is one of the most difficult.
I don't think you need to be too hard on yourself about the other guy; after all, you've made a conscious decision not to cheat. It's all too easy to blame a third party, but they're really just a symptom of the problem. The other guy isn't the point of your question anyway; it's your marriage and husband.
There is no easy way out of this. Like life, it's going to be one big trade off. You can leave your husband and feel guilty/awful about ruining his life. Or you can stay with your husband and feel awful/resentful about ruining your own life. I sense that you want more from life than you currently have? Well again that will be a trade off. To get 'more', you will have to lose your husband and stable home life.
I am hoping that you have spoken to your husband about his lack of interests/social life. If you have and he still hasn't done anything about it, then maybe he likes his life the way it is and doesn't want it to change. If you haven't spoken to him, then do so. Even as friends, you should try to help him to get the most out of his life. I'm not saying you should do the work for him, just to suggest that life is short and there's no point in hanging around waiting for fun to happen.
As i said, no easy answers. I bet your gut is telling you what to do: take my advice and go with it. It always turns out to be right in the end.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 January 2007):
I think you've already beun to cheat, emotionally. If you've been discussing your feelings for another man, with the other man, and he's told you how he feels, that's cheating. You've obviously put way to much information on the table and you're beginning to slide down the slippery slope. Think about it, the information you're sharing is not appropriate. This is a reecipe for disaster and the water is starting to boil. Spend some time talking to your husband instead of the other man.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (31 January 2007):
 You COULD work at this to save your marriage, the question is... do you want to? It sounds to me as if you've already given up on your marriage already. Get in touch with me again if you really want to try and work to save your marriage. If you don't.... then go out into the big wide world and live a little but end the marriage first and give your husband some dignity.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007): Oh honey, I can totally relate to you because I have been married for 20 years, and I'm in the same situation! What's kept me there was fear! I've been terrified of being on my own and because he's a "good person" I felt guilty about divorcing him -- plus he's provided well for me, so I have become "comfortably numb". There's no passion, no true intimacy, no real connection between us.
My spouse is the 'strong-silent-type' so what you described was a major de-ja-vu for me! All I can say is don't wait another 10 years. It'll be much harder for your husband to adjust to a life without you. I worry that mine will commit suicide because he has nothing going on in his life but me, just like you described, no friends, no interests outside of me. It's no way to live. I wish I would have been true to myself 10 years ago. I wish you the best!!! Be strong!!
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