A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband has been cheating with my sister the whole time we have been together and married, it's been awful and one trys to stop but my husband won't let it. He wants both! Now she had a child to him so when I try to get him to want only me he lies and gives excuses to be with her. I have tried to stick with him, we have been married 7 years, have 5 kids none together. He told me last night he wants an open marriage so he can keep us both but I can't do this... Please help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): Would you think this situation was good enough for anyone else? If not how come it is good enough for you. I don't get the sense that you think much of your own self worth. The betrayal by your sister is the worst thing and if it were me I think it would devastate more than anything else. It is an enormous dis-service that you are doing to yourself. You are valuing yourself as peanuts. Divorce him and get all the money then get some counselling. Once a person has been as abused as you have it is hard to find a good man because you won' be able to pick them out. This is what this man has done to you, why on earth would you want to stay with him. What is so irresistable about this pain? Is it partly a pleasure to you, a self punishemnet that you think you deserve somehow? If you gave the pain up would you know how to fill your life with good things or have you lost imagination in the every day battle? The heightened emotions that you stimulate while being abused are addictive. This is poorly behaviour and you must get help to find the life that you deserve.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 You can stay and fight or you can pack your bags and leave.
Which is more easier for you?
If you cannot leave and cannot win,
then you will have to take the crumbs and swallow your pride.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): The only way to answer this post is to say that I have no idea how you have been able to cope all these years and handle this situation. Giving that consideration you must have enormous strength just to cope day to day.
Honey, this is outrageous. A total and complete disastourous life and marriage. Your sister is appauling too and your husband is beyond a label.
It was not too clear what you want to do. If it is to leave your marriage and start a new life which will bring you some happiness and joy, then this is possible but you need to want it too.
All I can say is if you consider trying to get this marriage back on track or in a healthy state, then the work ahead is going to be huge. But you can't continue to live this life anymore and I hope you want out for yourself and your children. Maybe you just don't know how to do this and are searching for some hope.
The first step for you hear is to ask yourself if this is now enough and you want to change things for you. Often making that decision is the hardest so think about that and what you want.
Your pain at the moment will continue until you make this decision. Things will get easier once you realise that all this man, and your sister will do to you is hurt you over and over again until it gets boring.
Make a decision.
All my love, xxxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 In my eyes, he's been getting away with unacceptable behavior all these years. He won't stop unless you stop him. I agree with eyeswideopen and Skeez: make him leave.
By the way, your sister is something, and I suppose you should do something about her, too.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 You love this guy, but he certainly has no feelings for you.
Kick this guy to the curb Honey, he is using you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Sorry dear but your whole marriage has been a sham. If you are not into an open marriage, which is an oxymoron as far as I'm concerned, then you have nor other choice but to end it. I agree with Skeez, make HIM leave and lock the door behind him. Good luck honey and keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, Skeez +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Divorce is your way of getting out of this. He's cheating on you hun. I'm sure you already know your answer and you are just getting some reasurance from people, but as the following people have said, move on with your life. I understand you're probably feeling very betrayed and having remorse over this, but it's your time in life to end this and find someone else who will treat you to the love you deserve.Let your husband carry on with his ways, you don't need to be the rebound, or the safety net for him. Take your kids, move back to your parents house. Or better... kick him out, change the locks and make sure he never comes near you again.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Huni do you really want to stay in this marriage, this guys cheats on you constantly with your sister and has a child with her, you dont seem happy i would leave him he seems to want your sister more then you he is having his cake and eating it and your letting him, respect yourself more then he respects you and get the hell outa this relationship find someone who wants you!
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