A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:What would you do, if your husband 20 years, suddenly goes impotent , without any any medical cause? He is 50 now, but he was 43, when one day to the next he just lost his erection, and ever since, he is unable to get a normal erection. He also lost his sexual desire. He says he wants to be with me, but it is now several years ago a sexless marriage . It took 5 years, to make him understand that is has to be some sort of a psychological issue. But even the therapist , does not have a clue, what is going on with him. I hope you understand, we did talk about this 1000 times, the doctors checked him, but there is no real cause determined. So I wonder, am I taking a risk to stay with him like this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011):
It sounds like you have had 7 years without any sex. I wonder if any of the people who say it is worth it to stay for the companionship have ever experienced that. I have. I stayed for the companionship and it tears me up every day inside. That's no way to live. Much better to tear it off like a bandage instead of dying a little each day.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011):
Sorry to be snarky, but sounds like we should switch spouses. My wife would love a man like that!
I have been trying to convince her for 10+ years that she has a psychological problem and she is just now coming around to the idea that people (most people!) do have sex after marriage and the fact that she doesn't want to means something is wrong with her, with me, or with us.
It's very painful. What is the therapist's advice to you?
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (31 December 2011):
 Sadly, this happens to a lot of men his age. I am surprised the doctors haven't been able to find a cause or that one of the magic ED pills haven't worked for him.
Usually ED is medical in nature -- perhaps a drug he was taking (there are some findings now that propecia may cause permanent ED), perhaps hormonal (low testosterone levels) and it may indeed be mental. It sounds like he has definitely tried to seek help and that medical science has failed him (also, if he is over weight he should try to lose weight as that can impair erections as well).
Sadly, there aren't many good choices for you.
I certainly can't tell you whether to leave your relationship or not. You've invested 20 years with him -- sex isn't everything. Can he or is he willing to perform orally or manually on you? Does you, seeing someone on the side, bother him or you (some couples have arranged this)? It is unlikely, at this point, that he is going to get his mojo back -- so ultimately what you decide to do is up to you. Whatever you do though, I hope if the tables were turned, you'd understand his course of action.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 The question you have to ask yourself is, is love enough to sustain your relationship? If it were me, I would think that companionship and love,especially after 20 years of togetherness far outweighs the sexual aspect, but its entirely up to you to decide.
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A
female
reader, HippyChick  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 It all depends why you love him? Do you love him just for his erection? So if that's gone you're gone too? Marriage is a journey, things change, no one knows what's around the corner, who knows in 5 years time, 5 minutes time, something might happen which means you can't have sex. Of course, he's lost his sex drive he can't get a erection, he's probably got to the stage he's scared to try. There are tablets that help other things you can do to please each other, there's more to sex than a erection, he has a mouth and fingers, there are toys that can help, the biggest thing you have to do is relax and enjoy each other, and adapt, its not like he's doing this on purpose.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (31 December 2011):
 Leaving a husband of 20 years is rather drastic. There are many possibilities for the reason, notably medications, and especially high blood pressure meds. Such was the case for me at one point on Atenolol, but there are alternatives. Meanwhile, Viagra can certainly help.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2011):
 it could very well be medical! has he had a medical work up with a urologist?
can he take Viagra or the like?
there are ways to make love without an erection... mouths hands..... toys...
what kind of a RISK are you talking about taking?
Why do you want to leave a man that loves you that you love?
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