A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy online in august. Things built up gradually, we were a great match and had lots in common. I loved spending time talking with him each day and getting to know this guy who I found to be lovely. We had similar, goals, aspirations and mindsets.He lives in the U.S and I live in England. We decided to meet, by this time we had strong feelings and a connection. He came over to see me for five days in the November. We both told each other how we felt about one another and had discussed the practicalities of visiting one another and how we could make it work. We had a great time together but we argued one night. It was over something silly, but basically I ended up walking away from him at a restaurant table. I felt awful about this after, he said I embarrassed him and he didn't think i could do something like that to him. I apologised, and things were amended before he left. We promised to meet in the February. When he got back to the US, we talked quite a lot still, but things just seemed not quite 100%. I knew he had personal things going on, a family member died and he had health concerns when he returned. But, when I told him that things had changed, he said that it was because of what I did to him when we met. That one moment. He said he hadn't forgiven me properly, even though I had apologised sincerely and we were so close after it happened when we were together. He said he still wanted us and me, but it seemed different, we lost something we had because he held my action against me. That made me so sad, as if his minds eye chose only to remember that one thing. After a few more little disputes, I felt he was still emotionally distance and treat me different like he didn't want to let me in as much, we discussed this but somehow anything we talked of always went back to that one moment, me leaving him. I was utterly lost and saddened. So a few weeks later, I ended it. Not because I didn't want us, but I felt it was best and I wouldn't be hurt by his actions anymore. Actions he didn't seem to think were wrong. A few days after I sent him a text saying "just know I'm thinking of you" all I had done those intermediate days was think of him and us and how it all went horribly wrong. I still felt so strong for him. You can't just put a stop to that. He told me he was thinking of me too and our time together..I just came out and asked him do you want us? He said it was up to me but "you did end it"..Then the next day he said I had made him an ex as I had ended it. He didn't understand the reasons behind it still. Now, we haven't contacted each-other further. I still don't feel there has been proper closure, I just don't want to think I won't see him again when we hadn't properly begun anything together beyond talking about it, but I guess I lost him a while ago. Was he right for re treating from me? Was I so bad for doing what I did? Advice.. Thank you
View related questions:
long distance, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking your time to reply I know my question was quite long. It's a complicated situation, ISorry you were hurt in the way that you were that sounds really awful, I hope you are ok.I think im just going to leave it, I mean, I think it's over AND trust me I'm not one to give up on anything. But I guess he's gave me the message loud AND clear. If he wanted us he would have tried to move past it, my one mistake, and made us work like I would have. I didn't cheat, I didn't lie, it was a silly moment. Forgiveness is a good trait to have. He will still be special to me and I will have love for him. He was good to me when we were together he's s good guy AND we could have been happy but I can't make him feel something he doesn't, right? No email or phone call will do that. No matter what I tried. If it was meant to be we could have something in the future.. If not, it's a Shame but I will get on with my life. Any advice thoughts or comments will still be appreciated x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI met a guy online in august. Things built up gradually, we were a great match and had lots in common. I loved spending time talking with him each day and getting to know this guy who I found to be lovely. We had similar, goals, aspirations and mindsets.He lives in the U.S and I live in England. We decided to meet, by this time we had strong feelings and a connection. He came over to see me for five days in the November. We both told each other how we felt about one another and had discussed the practicalities of visiting one another AND how we could make it work. We had a great time together but we argued one night. It was over something silly, but basically I ended up walking away from him at a restaurant table. I felt awful about this after, he said I embarrassed him and he didn't think i could do something like that to him. I apologised, and things were amended before he left. We promised to meet in the February. When he got back to the US, we talked quite a lot still, but things just seemed not quite 100%. I knew he had personal things going on, a family member died and he had health concerns when he returned. But, when I told him that things had changed, he said that it was because of what I did to him when we met. That one moment. He said he hadn't forgiven me properly, even though I had apologised sincerely and we were so close after it happened when we were together. He said he still wanted us AND me, but it seemed different, we lost something we had because he held my action against me. That made me so sad, as if his minds eye chose only to remember that one thing. After a few more little disputes, I felt he was still emotionally distance and treat me different like he didn't want to let me in as much, we discussed this but somehow anything we talked of always went back to that one moment, me leaving him. I was utterly lost and saddened. So a few weeks later, I ended it. Not because I didn't want us, but I felt it was best AND I wouldn't be hurt by his actions anymore. Actions he didn't seem to think were wrong. A few days after I sent him a text saying "just know I'm thinking of you" all I had done those intermediate days was think of him AND us AND how it all went horribly wrong. I still felt so strong for him. You can't just put a stop to that. He told me he was thinking of me too and our time together..I just came out AND asked him do you want us? He said it was up to me but "you did end it"..Then the next day he said I had made him an ex as I had ended it. He didn't understand the reasons behind it still. Now, we haven't contacted each-other further. I still don't feel there has been proper closure, I just don't want to think I won't see him again when we hadn't properly begun anything together beyond talking about it, but I guess I lost him a while ago. Was he right for re treating from me? Was I so bad for doing what I did? Advice.. Thank you
...............................
|
