A
female
age
,
*isces
writes:Let me explain more in detail I am 46 my husband Is 36 we have been together for 12 years. I have 2 kids from a previous relationship. He want children but I can't give him any.He recently had an affair like 5 months ago. now shes pregnant,and of course he wants to do the right thing. dindt know that ment possibly leaving me. because if he doesnt she won't keep the child that he's been wanting all these years.but he doesnt want to lose me but he want to raise his child.I love him what do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): Hi babes, ok he needs to see her because she recently lost a baby by him, I can understand that. But what about you, what about your needs, your wishes, your desires. It's all about him, what he wants, what she wants, when do you get a turn, who supports you, what do you want in your life except to be happily married to him. I'm sorry about the baby, nobody wants a baby to die. But this thing must be tearing you apart to, you need his support to.
Have you talked to him about our suggestions, there are more formal ways off getting this baby thing done. I'm worried that him and her could get to close, they might have a baby, and then he might decide to be with her, instead of you. I don't like this, I don't like this at all. Ok things are difficult at the moment, but the first chance you get, why don't you and him go to see a doctor, and explore ways to get a baby formally are. This muddled up thing is not good.
A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (18 August 2008):
 Hi sweetpea
Does he really need to be still seeing her hunny, Is it not you that now needs some time together, after all you have been as solid as a rock for him is it not time he was there for you now..write me if you need a chat love TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (18 August 2008):
 Ok well
I dont think there is no need for him to be with her anymore. If he loves you, he will choose you, if he loves her, he will be with her. He has to decide where he wants to be tho, because this situation is killing you!!!! This can't go on forever. I hope you both find the right way for your relationship.
Good luck
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female
reader, Pisces +, writes (18 August 2008):
Pisces is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsituation now is the other woman miscarried but my husband is still seeing her. He doesnt want me to give up on us. Im still there sticking it out.
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female
reader, Same Situation +, writes (17 August 2008):
I too was in a similar situation. I am married with 3 children. When my youngest was 2 years old, my husband had a child with another woman. I felt like I had been hit with a concrete block. The "other woman" calculating plotted to destroy my marriage; she even scheduled her cesarean for my daughter's birthday.
I later learned that she completely disregarded her 11 year old son's desire for her to stop seeing a married man, not to mention the example she set for her 16 year old daughter. Her selfishness was overwhelmed only by her complete disregard for her own children.
I could not allow her to ruin the family life of my children. My husband and I worked on staying together. She was in disbelief when my husband told her that I knew about the child, and that we were staying together. Our attorney filed for 50% custody which she certainly did not expect. She was utterly distraught with the idea of me having her child 50% of the time. Both she and her child have disappeared.
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (2 August 2008):
good for u hunny im the same stick by your thoughts sweetheart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Pisces +, writes (1 August 2008):
Pisces is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for all there support.Right now the situation is she doesnt want to see him because hes still with me.One minute she says shes aborting the baby next thing shes keeping it.He even hinted to me she just wants child support nothing else,but we all know thats a lie.to the writer that said woman age faster honey why do you think he with me? because I dont age fast.Back to the problem I am standing by him because I do think our marriage is worth it.we both still love each other very much.I except all the bad and the good advice Thanks to eveyone.
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female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (31 July 2008):
Hi Hunny
Thankyou for your response Devil Spawn, I am in an age gap relationship and not all men live and breath the shallow life....DiovanLestat does have a point love... Is this woman now using the child to keep your husband..You are very understanding of these cicumstances..I have spoken many times with my fiance about children and he has finally popped my mind at rest that he doesnt want children, This is obviously something you will ask yourself in an age gap relationship expecially if you already have children of your own. Did you not speak of this before, As it seems from your posts love as Ive read them both thanks to the rather rude anon post (and I must add you may ask as many questions as you like love) That your partner has always wanted children difficult situation for you to be in as Im the same age as you love and Ive done my bit..He doesnt want to loose you, He could have thought about this before but I wont go to deep into that as you seem ok and just need a little advise on were you go from here..Im not to sure on the rights of fathers in america if they are not married plus if she gets funny and he doesnt wish to live with her and she decides not to put his name registered on the birth certificate then he may have no rights at all hunny...She is using the child to keep him and of course he wants to do the right thing by his child so its going to be very hard for you love. Im afraid he is going to have to choose as she will most definatly make this more or less impossible for him if he doesnt...You are very understanding hunny if you need a chat message me anytime, But you need to talk to your husband about all the possibilitys I do hope things work out for you TAKE CARE WITH LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): If she dosen't want the child, could he convince her that you and he will adopt it. You have been very kind and understanding to your husband, but he's not a good man if he thinks to walk away from your marriage, just because this woman demands it. Call her bluff, let her abort the child. If it's so important to him, try to find a proper surrogate mother, or a woman who wants a child rather than a man. I'm sorry, this is not fair to you. You have to let him go. If he can't find a way to get the child and keep you, then you'll have to walk away. Sorry, things have gone this way for you. But you are a very kind, and understanding wife.
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male
reader, Devil Spawn  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Baffled at the below poster....honestly baffled.... How dare you? I happen to know lots of coupples where the lady is older and none of these men are leaving there partners for the "younger" woman. If you are what a younger woman has to offer then no wonder men want older women you have just shown the maturity level in (you as a )younger women is deplorable. I do hope that you manage to mature somewhat.
Ok, as a man I feel I can answer this a little. He had an affair because of????? have you addressed that yet?
With the child involved you need to talk to your husband and see what he thinks. What she is doing is basically black mail....how far into the pregnancy is she?
As terrible as this sounds with every day that passes whilst she is pregnant the window for termination closes.
Now just as an evil idea, tell her he left you...he can pretend, once the baby is born spring her with a law suit and take custody (she sounds awful anway)... To all the aunts who are about to freak out at that just relax I am kidding.
Now fist thing you need to do is acutally find out whay your husband played around, then is your marriage worth fighting for? If so then seek councelling and legal advice regarding the ow.
It will be hard, but if you want it there will be a light at the end of the tunnel eventually.
Best of luck
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female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (31 July 2008):
Wow
I am soooo sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately my opinion is, that if woman is that much older than a guy, sooner or later, he will go after a younger one, cause lets face it ... women age faster than men ... unfair, but true
Anyway
I have no idea what you should do, but I will tell you what I would most probably do...eventho its very hard gettin myself into your possision!
First I would freak out .. because he cheated ... but you guys probable went over it already ... now ... if he would want to leave me for her ... I would most probably just let him go, but would tell him, that by leaving me, he lost me ... I would not put up with another woman and another life he would have with her.Once the baby is born, you will be out of the sight for him anyway and she will be the most imporant thing and offcourse the baby.
I understand he wants a baby .. but what about if you guys addopt one .. or something like that? I know it sounds crazy , but thats just my idea!!
I hope you will figure this out fast ..cause the baby is on his way .. and it will past really fast
GOod luck to you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): Didn't get the answer you wanted to hear the first time?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-wants-to-have-a-baby-with-another.html
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