A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Okay, maybe I shouldn't have to think so hard about this, but I'm in a predicament...I'm married to a wonderful and kind and loving and a man who thinks the world of me and an acquaintance friend of ours (we're all the same age)wants to get together with me, you know just the two of us, once a month over the weekend to every weekend when I feel comfortable. My husband doesn't mind at all. In fact, he gives his love, support, and blessings. I'm a little nervous about this yet at the same time intrigued by it. He says that at all costs, protection will be used and of course the all time respect, gentleness, and love as well. He's not married nor is he seeing anyone and he doesn't have kids. He's is a professional in his field hasn't had time to meet with women and is also a member of our church and a volunteer there too. Unfortunately, he's not had time to really settle down and even date as much. He has had a fiancee at one time, unfortunately, she ran off with a lawyer. After that, he's toned it down with the dating scene for now. He's got a great personality and has a cute dog. So as you can see, there's nothing wrong with him. He's not a problem with society nor is he a rapist. He just wants to have clean and safe sex with someone he knows and my husband and I and this acquaintance have talked and discussed this and have agreed that this is something that could possibly go on until he finds someone special of his own. My husband's libido isn't as great as it used to be and says that perhaps this person can be of assistance to where he can't be of help. In fact, he gives us his blessings and isn't upset by it at all which I'm aware of. I've asked if it be okay he come and stay with us instead or we all go away somewhere and make a trip out of it. They were okay however, the cost would not be good. Our friend has asked that if it's a go ahead, he'll provide the money so we can buy all the protection needed and my husband is welcome to stay the night or come in and out of our friends house as needed and vice versa. What is your thought on this? Am I crazy for wanting to do this? I'm nearly throwing my hat in and my husband is all for it and so is our friend. Thank you for your time.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 March 2011):
 my husband gave his blessing for me to have an affair.
my husband left me 4 weeks ago
he could not cope with my affair
i am now in a committed relationship with the person who was my affair partner...
not so sure it was worth all this upheaval.....
think long and hard about this
A
female
reader, IAMDONE +, writes (25 February 2011):
Oh my...it seems to me like this may be a wonderful thing for you and the new lover, if you will. What man is willing to allow another man to have sex with his wife? In my neck of the woods where I come from that is something that a husband would never consent to. There is something about our human psyc that is jealous and we never want someone to have what belongs to us. What woman would want to have sex with a man outside of the marriage who cares and has deep regard for her husband? Be careful....that fire is hot baaaby!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Does your church condone affairs and cheap sex? Bec that is what you will be engaging in until this guy finds another lover.
Will your hb give his blessings during your divorce as well?
What about your kids?
You are opening up Pandora's box. I give you 3 months before you write in and tell us how much you are in love with this other man. I give you less time than that to destroy your marriage.
You, this man and your hb seem to have a misguided sense of ' as long as we discuss it and agree' then its ok.
Your church members will be shocked. You will have a reputation as a 'sl*t' and that you are 'easy'
I will forewarn you that you will get emotionally entangled with the other man and that your hb will not be so accommodating then.
Each to his/her own. I am sure when you read your holy book, it talks about 2 in a marriage, when you introduce a lover, that's when problems start and the destruction of lives leave a trail of hurt and betrayal.
YOU choose wisely. You seem eager to have sex with this other man BUT at what cost???
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 February 2011):
 I agree with Caring Guy. I guess if your husband totally wasn't interested in sex anymore, I could see this as being okay, but I have a feeling your husband is trying to call your bluff.
Also, something to consider is that if you do go through with this, are you going to feel guilty? Also, how do you think this impact your love life with your husband?
I don't see a lot of good coming out of this. I think you are jeopardizing your marriage with a man you love for a few moments of sex.
Either way, I hope you think this through and weigh all the pros and cons before jumping into this situation.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 February 2011):
1 - Your husband does care really, but wants to make you happy. If this is the case, this affair will destroy him, and your marriage.
2 - Your husband wants you have an affair because he will use it against you (have one himself or something.)
3 - Your husband doesn't love you enough and perhaps sees this as an escape.
Everything about this is wrong. Something is wrong that your husband is 'happy' with this. And I think if you go ahead, you'll come out of this with nothing.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 What does your church have to say on the matter?
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A
male
reader, dunlu  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 i personaly think that it is wrong.you and your husband are one now you are tryiong two bring in another person.you guys go to church,so for the answer you need go to church and do what it will tell you.all the best in what you choose to do.
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 He gave you his blessings and isn't upset by it at all AS FAR AS YOU'RE AWARE of, BINGO. How would you feel about hubby having sex with other women? You do give a new meaning to the 'marriage' concept. There are of course people who have no problems with sleeping with other people then returning home to each other and openly telling each other how it's been, what it was like and ending the day with a marital sex session. It's exciting for some! But this is one sided. Makes us question why your husband cares so little about you having an affair, or whether he is swallowing his pride and doing what he has to, in order to make you happy but what about him? It can work of course if you know each other so well and there is no shadow of jealousy or prejudice whatsoever, but it does cross some boundaries and it's anything but the norm! Are you sex rhythms THAT different and how come you did not take this into account from the beginning? This is not something spicy that you're doing a couple of times for the sake of experience. You are doing it because you are not OK with your hubby's libido. This can start as OK, let's do and turn into a match of throwing guilts and "shoulds" and should nots. How would you feel if the characters were reversed? By the way, ever tried to spice things up with hubby, using sex toys to masturbate each other and when you're too busy to perform or to have it last too long maybe use some enhancers of this type and there's perhaps a lot more you can do to awaken your apetites. The idea may not be bad in itself but very few people can actually do it without boosting a few relationship monsters and from there it's all going downward, that is all. Good luck with your decision.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): If your husband's libido "isn't as great as it used to be," then there is probably a metabolic or biological problem that he should give some attention to. He also probably feels he is not taking care of your needs. It sounds like he is very loving, but is unable to help. Most likely, your going ahead with this opportunity will damage your marriage forever. Your husband will feel less willing to provide for you, which is something men need. Also, if he gets his libido back, there may be bad feelings that haunt him for many years to come. I think you first move should be to help your husband seek medical attention to see if his libido issue is a medical problem. If, after exhausting that avenue, you are both on-board with this idea, proceed carefully. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, popeye_loves-cuspi +, writes (20 February 2011):
Walk away from this, and walk fast.. introducing other people to your sex life will eventually lead to jealousy and feelings of total mis-trust. You husband has given his blessing, but be realistic here, could you sit with the thought of him sleeping with another woman in the fashion this is? He might be ok with it now, but that could very well change on a dime, and then what? You have a husband who feels cheated. You're married, and a marriage is two people. And be honest here, do you not feel a little used that this guy only wants sex, its very cheap and even though i don't even know you, you are worth more than the friend or what ever he is getting his rocks off, stay faithful to your husband, and yourself. This guy has a hand after all!
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