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My husband doesn't want to have biological children and I do!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 April 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 April 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My husband doesn't want to have biological children and I do. What should I do?

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (14 April 2009):

Danielepew agony auntI think this is what I would call "a line in the sand". One of you has to agree to what the other wants.

If you can't live with this, all you can do is divorce him.

I see you're 26-29. I am afraid that you might want a child even more when you're next to 35. So, think long and hard about this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009):

Natasia, no disrespect, but I don't think it's the usual thing to swear in your vows that you will promise to have children. That wasn't in my vows and I don't think I've ever heard that!

1)Marriage doesn't imply that you want children.

2)You are not being unreasonable if you don't want children.

3) Having children is not the natural goal and destiny of every woman. Some couples are very happy without ever having them. Really.

Although the poster didn't give much info, if the husband made it known before the marriage that he didn't want children, then there is no blaming him. If they didn't discuss it, then it's a problem of miscommunication. If he has said he wanted children, and now doesn't, well then he has led her astray. That is grounds for divorce and I would suggest one if neither of them are willing to budge.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (13 April 2009):

natasia agony auntHe stood at the altar and promised to have children with you. It's completely natural and normal of you to want to have kids with the man you love. It's totally unfair of him to expect you to quell this incredibly strong natural desire.

I don't know how old you are now, but as you grow older, you will hate him more and more and more for depriving you of this, and you will become more and more upset by pregnant women, babies, families, etc. Bearing your own child is the next stage of womanhood, and he is suggesting you shouldn't experience that.

Frankly I think he will have to go, sooner or later, because you will hate him for it, sooner or later. OR, he has to be reasonable and change his mind.

nx

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A female reader, OSCARS MUMMY United Kingdom +, writes (13 April 2009):

OSCARS MUMMY agony auntneither does mine, hes just told me (now after 2 years of marriage!) - so you could (or i could) stay with him, accept it will never happen and watch others around you having families and you constantly feeling bitter..... How is your relationship anyway?? is its strong enough - can you see yourself - just the 2 of you in 5 or 10 years time - just you two??? (i cant with my husband but everyone is different) If you really want to have children then you must leave your husband and find someone who wants children too, you have plenty of time and will at some point find someone you love as much as your husband... this is your life too, you only get one shot, i say take the risk and try your best to get everything you want, i cant imagine never having children, right now its not so bad but when i'm 40 i'll be fed up and it will be too late for me. I hate men, as soon as they turn into husbands they get ao annoying, it will be hard to leave him but you have a good reason too dont compromise what you want in life - he isn't is he??

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