A
female
age
41-50,
*inkerbell8231975
writes:I've been with my husband for almost 14 years. We have been separated for the past 2 years. We have been on again and off again . Our marriage hasn't been perfect at all. There has been infidelity on both sides. I filed for divorce but he decided he wanted to work things out. He has blocked everything with the divorce but still says he doesn't want to be with me. Just a few months back he and I were back together again and it was great. I was fixing to move back home and it just changed. He tells me to move on then every time I do he has something to say about it. He curses me out about it. He always worries about where I am and what im doing. Why? What can I do to fix all of this. I don't want a divorce.
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divorce, infidelity, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 July 2011):
 Yes it does hurt to think of someone you spent so many years with and someone you once shared fantastic times with, with someone else. But that doesn't mean the marriage or relationship should continue to spare feelings of jealousy. This guy really sounds controlling, that he doesn't want much to do with you unless you want to move on, then suddenly he's crying and begging. I don't think anyone here was referring to you being "played" in terms of sex, more in terms of emotions.
A
female
reader, tinkerbell8231975 +, writes (25 July 2011):
tinkerbell8231975 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for advice. I have got a lawyer and filed. My husband received papers on our anniversary. He called me crying telling me he still loves me. He told the attorney we were working things out. The divorce got canceled by him but I wanted the same. Still do. I don't let him have sex with me whenever he wants either. He told me it hurts him to think of me with someone else. It hurts really bad. He used to love me deeply.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 July 2011):
He wants to keep you on the back burner until he finds what he's looking for. It's a control strategy. Get yourself a lawyer and get out of this crappy situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): you need to move on no matter what your soon to be ex husband says or does.
clearly he doesn't want you, he's just selfish and doesn't want you to move on and be happy. he wants to trap you in misery, that's all. it's all about revenge on you. no he doesn't worry about where you've been because he cares about you but because he can't stand the thought of you moving on and being happy
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 July 2011):
I would speak to a lawyer - if it's been two years, you may just be able to apply for the divorce and not have to worry about him. Get some serious legal advice about this.
Also, I would move on from him. He sounds like he just enjoys the control over you rather than anything else. I don't think he loves you at all - otherwise he'd have made an effort by now. You're wasting time on a man who doesn't care. There is no love here, and you have nothing to work with.
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A
female
reader, JessicaStarDust +, writes (24 July 2011):
 I'm sorry but it seems that you are honestly being "played"
From what it seems like he only wants to be with you when HE wants to be. Even if you do not want the divorce it seems like the only way to move on and start over.
If not it seems that you will be in this circle with this man if you do not change it. He will continue his actions and you will be stuck in a corner dealing with stuff that you shouldn't.
There is only so much a heart can take.
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