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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello,Maybe you all can help me with my problem.I am a 31-year old guy, and I recently started dating this very beautiful girl I met randomly in the metro station. She's 26, and works as a legal assistant. But on the side, she models. She hopes to make it her profession one day.The thing is, she takes all kinds of modeling jobs, and is on a web site where she is contacted by photographers. Some of the jobs involve her modeling nude and is very skimpy clothes and lingerie.I would not say they are pornographic, but they might come close. In other words, she might be nude, but her legs are over one another so nothing shows, and she is cupping her breasts.She has a few where her breasts are exposed too, though. There are also a few where she is wearing transparent clothes like a wet t shirt and looking seductively at the camera.She says she does these to pay the bills and does not like them very much. But still..she does them.It bothers me. I mean she seems real sweet and is a nice girl and we get on fairly well. But her sharing her sexuality with other people, this bothers me.I havent yet spoke to her about it because I dont want her to think I am too controlling. I really dont know what to do. Are my feelings justified? Could I really have a long term relationship with someone who does this if it makes me feel so uncomfortable?Thanks for listening.Travis
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 Its entirely your decision. In all fairness to her, she hasn't hidden anything from you, so you did get into the relationship knowing everything.
This is a very subjective issue...some readers would say there's nothing wrong with what she does, as long as its just a profession and she's not cheating on you, while others would ask you to quit.
Decide what you want. If you can deal with it, then carry on. Even if you do ask her to quit and she does, can you guarantee her the financial security which her modelling job offers? Can you be sure you will not let her past have a bearing on your relationship?
However, since you are questioning yourself, it seems obvious you are not on board with this. Maybe you are not ready for a long term relationship with this woman, at this point of time. Never get into something unless you are absolutely certain. Sure, there will be doubts, but overall, if you think that the negatives outweigh the positives, then maybe its not for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): If she thinks that posing like that is going to launch her into a real modelling (fashion) career, then she's crazy. If she enjoyed it and was happy with it, that would be fine but you say she seems uncomfortable with it,and is just doing it to pay the bills, so maybe sit her down and explain to her that while you will support her if this is what she really wants, its actually only doing her real modelling career harm (unless it is her goal to get into the adult entertainment industry). You can't just tell her not to do it, but maybe she needs someone to open her eyes a bit more to what she is actually doing. As for dating, if she doesn't want to change and you don't want her doing it, I can't see it working sorry.
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (25 July 2011):
The stuff she poses for seems very mild and innocent cheesecake, not porn. My wife's a glamour model between ballet assignments, and I'm absolutely fine with it. She restricts heself to pinup stuff, mostly posed solo, and the very occasional soft girl/girl. Never any 'Gynie' shots or toys. This type of modelling is also a relatively small world, and the girls look out for one another. Any professional photographer or non-professional 'Guy With Camera' who tries to get in on the action or makes a model the slightest bit uncomfortable very quickly finds himself mentioned on the many model websites set up to protect against such things, and blacklisted.
But look at it this way- at least she has an unusually beautiful face and body, and isn't the shy type who insists on having sex with you in the dark. It's a genuine pity it makes you uncomfortable but it seems this girl is not for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): The problem is with you and you already know the answer. You cannot be with someone who does this.
Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with it but I'm not you, and only how you feel about it matters.
Be prepared for her to not react well when you tell her. Or you cold lie and not tell her the real reason you are breaking it off.
Either way, don't waste any more of her time. You know you can't handle it, so move on quickly.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2011): If you make enough money to support her, then you should be able to put your foot down to stop the modeling.
If you can't help her out, and she needs the money then there is nothing you can fo about it.
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