A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and i have been together for nearly 2 years, we're really close and love each other very much, we both say how we really couldnt see ours lives without each other. thats great. the thing is there are things which keep coming up and upset me. a bit into the relationship i realised that a girl who worked with him was his ex and that they were still friends. That was fine, if a little annoying but these things happen. However i found alot of pictures of her saved on his computer. which i got upset about and after awhile spoke to him about it, he said he forgot they were there and it was okay. he even deleted them. The thing is one day while looking for a bday present for him, i used history to find a previous site id been on (honestly!) and saw that the day before while id been gone home for a weekend, he'd been onto both her social networking sites and just hers, looking through photos of her. i was so upset and felt crappy. What really upsets me is that he has no pictures of me and never takes any, he told me hes not really a picture taker. i was angry and looked to see if he'd any more stuff, so i found a usb key with pictures of her on it, alongside a couple of pics i sent him of me ages ago. One evening when we were together at home, i let on that id just found the usb key when looking for something to watch, he grabbed it off me and insisted i wasnt allowed to look saying there were only pics of me. we got into a big argument where he lied through his teeth and broke the usb key. the next day i told him i knew there was something on it and he said that he thought maybe there were pics on it of her and he didnt want to upset me.Ive tried to forget these pictures and lies but its hard, i really feel like he was so attracted to her and felt she was so beautiful and couldnt help taking photos of his beautiful gf. :-( i know he finds me attractive and loves me, but it hurts and its hard. Also one evening she started to chat with him online and i was sitting next to him, he minimised the window, and continued to look at another web page. my phone rang and i stood up and took the call, the minute i did so, he opened up the chat window and quickly typed some stuff and closed it. also i know hes lied about little things like not going to a guy at works going away do and not telling me it was cause she would be there.since these things ive tried to forget them and get on with our relationship, because im so madly in love with him. But i find emyself upset alot, about stuff like the fact he hasnt ever bought me a bday or christmas present, he doesnt like going out, says its for morons getting drunk. However, i know hes bought presents for her and he always went out with her and her friends and they drink just like anyone?I know all relationships are different and ive told him how i feel and we've argued and got all upset.It just doesnt feel right :-(I just dont think he feels as much for me now as he did for her then and though he says he doesnt like her anymore and doesnt care what she does, hes done and acted the complete opposite. I just dont know what to feel or do anymore.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Im sorry hun but it sounds like your boyfriend is not the man you think he is, he is being secretive which is a big sign that he can not be trusted or maybe i am wrong and he just doesnt want to hurt you therefore he is covering things up however if he loved you he would not do this in fact he would tell you that he is still friends with her and prove to you that it is strictly friendship by letting you watching him on the computer now and again to put your mind at ease, explain to him that he needs to stop lying to you and being so secretive or else you are going to not be able to trust him.
See this is the part that makes me think he is not to be trusted, he has never bought you a single present in 2 years? This is not normal boyfriend behaviour at all and it also the fact that he never takes you out makes me think that he doesnt want to be seen in public with you, this could be for a number of reasons.
Was there long in between you both getting together and his ex breaking up, you could be the rebound and the safe bet while he tries and gets back with his ex i would be very careful here and watch his behaviour closely the next time he says he is going to a mates party ect tell him you would like to go aswell. Dont settle for a man that is not going to show you the love you deserve.
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