A
female
age
36-40,
*ennawood84
writes:My husband and I have been married for three years and we have no children together. We are both 24 years old. His parents never approved of our marriage due to racial factors, he is white and I am asian. A week ago, for the first time, I found out my husband cheated on me and got a 22 year old pregnant. The girl use to casually date him when she was 18 or 19, but he decided to pursue me because she was just a casual encounter. However, she kept in touch with him and would text every few months. I swear that she got pregnant by choice because she doesnt want to loose him for a second time. Now, my husband feels obligated to be with her because of the child factor. His parents told him to leave me and marry her????? I dont understand why he cant just have part custody or just pay child support. I already told him I would be with him and help raise this kid as a step child.Am I stupid for wanting to be with my husband? He doesnt know if he wants to be with me or her. Am I the villain, beacause my mother in law makes me out to be one because I had called the poor girl's parents and informed them. However, I did it in a respectful, quiet manner, with no punn intended. and because I called the girls parents, my husband said that I am mean and awful and that I had solidified the end of my marriage. I dont understand how I am the villain? Isnt she? She laid with a married man and trapped him! If I am wrong, she is more wrong!! What should I do, my husband wants to leave me because he is so easily persuaded by his parents, and the fact that he is having a baby with her. He says, he doesnt even want to be with her but he has to and I need to move on. But I cant. I dont know what to do to better the situation. Please help me
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cheated on me, married man, move on, text, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cthulhuhugs +, writes (1 September 2008):
 No the one who is the villian in all of this is your husband. A dog is going to be a dog no matter who he is with. The girl is probably confused too. You are not stupid for wanting to be with your husband, you are just a faithful person who takes their vows seirously, even when it is obviously not what is best for you. Leave him. He's not going to give you what you want, and you'll only grow more bitter and miserable as time wears on. You deserve better, now go get it!!!
A
female
reader, Nikki2033 +, writes (31 August 2008):
This is some Good and Sound Advice that the three commentors have given you Sweetie. Leave now before you become me in about six plus years. My ex-mother in law didn't approve of me, and did everything in her Power to Destroy me and tries now to this day. I stayed with my for a little over 6 yrs and I was so UnHappy, Miserable, Depressed and once thought it was Me too; but I knew better and I still struggle with it to this day. Staying will only prolong the Mental Abuse( the Roller coaster you are now Riding). Pray, watch positive motivating movies, start a Journal and burn it when you're through as your Rite of Passage( I regret burning mine, it would have been a Best Seller) talk in Chat-rooms, never involve family and friends, it only adds to the Embarassment and you might learn to Forgive, but they won't in Time. Don't keep the rage Bottled Up, it will hurt you Worse, but be mindful of how you Release it.
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A
male
reader, Saj  +, writes (27 August 2008):
Hiya I am asian also!!!i understand how to asian culture works!I married young ...at the age of 20 to be precise ..10 years ago and I work hard every day to try and be ok in my dificult marriage.So far i havent cheated on her and iv'e never been with another women ever...she was my 1st.anyway what I want to say to you is youve only been married 3 years and his cheated on you and saying that his not sure what he wants to do.... by the sound of things he has no love for you and one day he will cheat again and leave if he dosent this time.for your own sanity i'd urge you to make that decision for your self while your young and without children of your own.im now 30, i have a baby boy aged 1 and i regret not leaving every day.... only it's too late! i cant leave because my son is my world and he needs his mummy and daddy.good luck and wish you all the best in life.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (27 August 2008):
 I have to say that what Lotus mama808 has said makes a lot of sense.
You have not behaved badly in this marriage and YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT, your husband is looking for someone to blame and obviously his parents just see this as a way out of the marriage which is so wrong to them.
This girl in my opinion knew exactly what she was doing as did your husband when he had sex with her, nobody lead him there with a gun to his head, he has made his bed now he needs to lie in it so to speak.
Your husband obviously decided to keep in contact with this girl as well and so your marriage was doomed from the start which just wasn't fair on you. I think you have had a lucky escape as you don't have children with this man, what would happen then eh? I would think his parents would still tell him to leave you and be with this girl as you are not what they wanted and they would probably NEVER give acknowledgement to your marriage or any children from your marriage, walk away now while you still have your pride.
So you told her parents, they would have found out eventually and if his parents and he is so happy with the situation what is the problem in them knowing, you were well within your rights to say something, pity they didn't have the balls to do it themselves including the girl. Did she think her parents wouldn't know or did they think they could do a quickie divorce and then get them together all before the baby was born, a very sad and pathetic way to look at the situation in my book.
Go and talk to a solicitor yourself sweetheart and find out what your rights are here as this girl is the other party in this divorce and she should be named so there is NO hiding the facts here.
Once a liar and cheat always a liar and cheat as they never normally change, for not wanting to be with this girl he is doing a damn good impression of it. He is obviously not mature enough to handle being married and committed so I don't believe your marriage is now worth the paper it is written on. Sorry to be so blunt but you need to get a little angry with this whole thing.
Keep telling yourself, this is not YOUR fault and so tell your family and friends what has happened and get your support network around you as you need all the support you can get, don't try to handle this situation on your own. I realise your family may not be happy about your marriage but I am sure that someone or friends of yours are there for you.
Stay strong sweetheart and we are all here for you at any time OK.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (26 August 2008):
 Ughhhh, I am SOOOOO sorry. The only villain here is your husband. Not you, not even the other girl. Your husband knew good and well what he was doing. You did nothing wrong, please don't even begin to think that you have. From what you say, I've come to the conclusion that yur husband WANTS a divorce, but is too cicken s*@# to say it. You do need to move on. He will continue to cheat on you with baby's mom. Is that how you want to be treated the rest of your life? Don't you think you deserve better than that? It is hard because you obviously married him because you love him very much, but sweetie, he dosnt feel the same way. You will handle this in a matter you feel is right with or without my opinion, but I am telling you, he won't change, he wants a divorce, and you deserve better. You are not a villain. He is. Treat him like one and leave him.
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