A
male
age
36-40,
*ake L
writes:About 6 months back, I met a guy, who was 19 at the time, we started to hang out, and the second time we went somewhere I told him I was gay, which he had no problem with. He was 3 months out of a relationship with his fiance, things just didn't work out. He told me about a month into knowing him that he thought he was bi and couldn't tell anyone except for me. His father is involved with the KKK among other groups of that nature, his family are all ultra conservitive religous, and at the time his father already abused him physically and continued until him and his mother moved out. We starting hanging out everyday and I went through alot of crap with him no thanks to his father. I ended up asking him out, and he accepted. A few months went by, I was falling in love with him. We were taking things slow, and never went past kissing and feeling around. He signed up to join the army, which is something I was really upset about, and that led to us breaking up because he said that he didn't know if he could commit at the moment, and he was questioning weather or not he was bi/gay. We still see eachother everyday since then, still hold hands, hug all the time, sleep together ect., however we don't kiss or anything intament like that. This has lasted for about 3 months now, and he has a 'girl friend' which he continually blows off to see me. Last night several things happened, and he told me he thinks he loves this girl, and then several more things later that night, which led up to eachothers pants being off (which he made excuses for, "i'm straight BUT, ... ), but we never did anything sexual, and he kissed me goodbye last night. He ended up not being accepted into the army due to a tatoo on his neck, and breaking it off completely with him for a period of time isn't a question, we both have few people we are close to and trust, and truely are best friends, which is where I thought it was going to be left, until now.So, I'm now confused, what are your opinions, does he really like me and is too afraid to admit it to himself, or is he really "straight
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male
reader, Friendly Guy  +, writes (28 August 2008):
I think your friend is a big state of confusion at the moment. And telling from the kinda of background he is coming from we can discern that clearly. Lets not judge and say whether he is gay or bi or whether he is not, let give him some time. I agree with what the first guy has said about giving me him some space. I know that can be ultra hard since you are feeling this guy, but you can hang on there chap !They say when you love someone let them go and when they come back they are yours. I guess you should take the same roundabout with him. And if you think he is not coming around and your heart is enervated and completely languished for waiting, then you can move on. But the best thing to do now is just to stay around and see where the yatch will go.I hope this will help.
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (27 August 2008):
 I think you should really leave him time to think about all of this.
It's not very easy for some people to accept themselves as homosexual, and it's even harder when the person knows for a fact that their parents and most of their friends will not support them and will see the person as a horrible creature. So what I think is that he is afraid for all of this to happen.
Also, it comes with the things of being confused. There are tons of people who start having homosexual feelings and don't know what to do about them, and are very insecure abou their own sexuality. This is even harder when the kid has been surrounded by bigotry and racism around him, which makes it so much harder for him to accept himself.
So just give him a break. You were lucky enough that this kid wasn't like his parents and most of his friends and was actually very open minded and accepting. I really think that the only way for him to finally accept himself is to get out of his parents house, or if possible, to get out of the town. Leaving so near of his family may give him second thoughts and once he gets out of there he will have clearer mind.
So for now, just be his best friend and try to let him come to terms with everything. And if in the end he says he's straight, then just accept it; you can't blame him.
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