A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I had a wonderful marraige for the past 16years. On the 14th year I discovered that my husband is cheating on me, we tried to resolve it, when I was gaining trust on him, he did it again and again almost four times and that crippled me emotionally and I dont trust him anymore, I do not even want to sleep with him. I have talked about it several times and I noticed He doesnt want to talk about it but He expect us to be normal.I cant and now I have changed to an extend that I want to have an affair because I dont want to divorce Him I dont trust him,
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female
reader, Viv Acious  +, writes (10 November 2010):
Hello. Sorry you are having a hard time. There is no real easy path through coping with a cheating partner. There will be all the emotions that go with the dicovery- rage, resentment, depression, shock, confusion and uncertainty. There is also the practical side - where do we go from here? Do I stay, do I go? Can I afford to go? what about the kids? There are many, many issues.
Right now, it seems you are in s state of confusion and my first concern would be what support are YOU getting? Do you have girlfriends you can talk to? What about a counsellor? Are you taking care of yourself physically? You are going to need to care of your body to take care of your mind and any decisions you are going to need to take.
Thinking about an affair is really a coping mechanism because the prospect of divorce and change is frightening. It is telling you that you want to have a sex life and that you want closeness with someone. This is the desire. This is what most people desire. You don't want to have it with your husband anymore because you don't trust him - and I don't blame you. Of course he doesn't want to talk about it and he wants it all back to normal. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Where is his concern for your heart in all this? YOU matter too.
Would he simply scoff at the idea of going to a counsellor with you? If he won't go, can you go so you can talk through your feelings and form a plan for the rest of your life?
It is time for a deep breath, focus, mean bloody business and take control. You are stronger than you know and no-one has the right to treat you badly and then shrug it off as if it hasn't happened.
I hope this helps and I wish you the very best of luck. xx
A
female
reader, cheekyfriday  +, writes (10 November 2010):
i think when you involve yourself with another man you will most likely find that you end up liking him, or you wont so you will move onto another one.
How many years has your husband been unfaithful, I wouldn't be bothered asking him as he is a lier! You have to ask yourself this question and since he is a lier you can only answer it yourself which will be 99% more accurate than the answer he is going to give you. You know that don't you?
Hum, questions questions. Well the only thing you can do is wear condoms from now on! He will most likely always cheat on you cause his a jerk.
Any other guy you sleep with should not have to worry about having any STD from you either.
I would hate to be in your shoes, but you are basically wanting to get even, and you know what, it will never work.
How about you do as you think, as they will be stepping stones to a happier life for you.
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