A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband was the only man I knew sexually, we have been married 18 years I found out December 15, 2006 he was having an affair everything came out March/2007 I totally shut down, I had a terrible life growing up this was the one person I truly beleived was my knight in shinning armour, since this happenned I have forgiven him, but something is gone we had beautiful sex I was always curious about everything, I was also his first no one believes us my husband is a very good looking man and I dont think I am too hard on the eyes I dont know what happened now when we make love I cant bring myself to enjoy anything I pretend, but think of the other person who was grotesque a trailertrash something I never would imagine he would sleep with or not be afraid of the type of people she comes from.....help me
View related questions:
affair, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (19 December 2007):
I would look at his cheating in a different way than lots of people. My question would be,What is he looking for outside of your relationship? And what aren't you supplying, sexually, to keep him in your bed, and out of someone else's bed? Somewhere down the line, He may have had oral-sex with someone,and there are very few men that I know of, who wouldn't jump at the chance to have someone go down on them. Lots of men and women want to be orally- pleasured, but they do not want to return the favor,or are too shy to ask for what they need in their own bedroom. You two need to look at what you both have,or haven't, been giving each other sexually within your relationship,And perhaps, you will discover that you also have to share the blame in his cheating.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 Lost trust is very difficult to restore, particularly when the person fails you big time. Your feelings and your problems are only understandable.
I read between the lines and found you may be wondering where you failed for him to sleep with this other woman. I don't think you failed at anything. Since you were his first, and he chose to be with someone so different from you, my guess is he wanted to know what it was like to be with someone else. But this is only speculation; you may never know why.
You need to deal with this problem now. If you don't, it will only fester.
I wonder how it was that the matter got "settled". Something has to have happened. I think it's like a wound that healed on the outside but remained open in the inside.
If he is to regain your trust, he sort of needs to prove he won't fail you again. So, he needs to know there is still a problem. You should talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, and what you need. And then he should make his best.
And then you also need to think very carefully what you would do if trust were never restored. I'm afraid we can't presently help you in this regard. But perhaps you want to update us on your options, and we can give you an opinion, too.
I have another comment for you. Don't let your world crumble down because he failed you. You are worth a lot more than than. Don't let his affair destroy you.
...............................
|
