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female
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*harmangel75
writes: My husband told me three months ago that he no longer loved me, although he still cared for me. He also told me he had started a relationship with a work colleague whom he left to live with a fortnight later. After two days he realised that he missed me more than he ever beleived he could and he moved back in. Although we managed to not fight at first we are now arguing a lot as he still texts this girl and still wants to see her. I can't seem to calm my anger down and as our parents have disowned him we have no one we can turn to and this makes it harder to try and work things through together. We have 3 children together and have been together 16 years, how can we rebuild this marriage?
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female
reader, Helen05 +, writes (6 July 2005):
Your husband needs some boundaries. If he is in your home, you are the only woman he has a relationship with. These are the rules. If he can't respect that then you need to show him the door.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (6 July 2005):
I wouldnt bother to try. Hes not worth it and doesnt deserve it.If he still wants to see this girl, there is no future for your marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2005): The only way you can rebuild your marriage is he must never see or communicate with his lover again. Your marriage has been greatly damaged by his affair and I suggest ending an affair in will give your marriage the greatest opportunity for a complete recovery.
Then he must go through symptoms of withdrawal after a permanent separation from his lover takes place. Is he prepared and committed to doing this? you both will have to consider some intensive marriage counselling to rebuild.
Be forewarned...more often than not, the spouse and lover will still see each other behid the spouse's back. Over time, they will eventually simply drift apart. You may never find out about it. The affair often continues unabated until it dies a natural death, which could take a long time. Are you prepared to wait this out?
If you and your husband do try to pull the marriage back together, remember...he is in no position to bargain, but he will try anyway. The bargaining effort usually boils down to somehow keeping the lover in the loop. You'd think that your husband would be so aware of his weaknesses, and so aware of the pain inflicted, that every effort would be made to avoid further contact with the lover as an act of thoughtfulness and respect to you. He may instead, argue that the relationship was "only sexual" or was "emotional but not sexual" or some other peculiar description to prove that continued contact with his lover would be okay. But a permanent separation not only helps prevent a renewal of the affair, but it is also a crucial gesture of consideration to you, who likely has been put through hell. Good Luck and God Bless
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2005): I understand that this is a man who you onced loved or maybe still do. You have children with him and there will be nothing that will change this. I think what you have to consider is is this man still worth your Love? You are simply putting up with too much. If this man knew your true worth he would get rid of this girl straightaway and show his true commitment to you, not come bumbling back with his tail between his legs but then still have contact with this girl! Remember your children in all this too, do you want your little girl to be treated the way you have been and to take it lying down? In my true opinion give your children a role model, show your husband that you wont take any of this rubbish lying down. NOBODY deserves to be treated in this manner. But when your in the relationship, things are always very different. If you think your man is truely sorry, ease yourself into the relationship again, go on dates, spend some time away from each other. Your parents are simply wanting you to be happy, this man has obviously made you miserable and they are understandably worried that it will happen again. The most important thing to remember is that you deserve to be happy, so do what you feel is right.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (6 July 2005):
Being together for 16 years & having 3 children has created quite a history for you and your man.But when it comes to infidelity...draw a SOLID line and refuse to let him step his hairy toe over it !Obviously he does not realize or appreciate the MAGNITUDE of your forgiveness for his affair, and he has been foolish enough to entertain an ongoing relationship with her.I believe you forgave him too quickly...he NEEDS to earn your trust & respect again, but if he thinks you will look the other way AGAIN, and you let him get away with it, then it's partly your fault for the ongoing problem.Sweet lady...it is MANDATORY for you to communicate to him that if he continues to chase other women, he gets the boot !When he moved back in after the affair, he should have asked your permission....and you should have said NO, until he proved he was truly repentant...which he is NOT !I would advise that you tell him to leave, until he cleans up his act & decides that YOU are the only woman for him.I wish you the best...be Strong & True to yourself.(hugs)
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female
reader, [x]i love ollie[x] +, writes (5 July 2005):
I reckon you should talk to your husband and if these arguments keep happening, as long as they're not physical, try and sort them out because things will get worse if you leave it. Try asking your friends for advice or people that know your husband and see what they think....hope this helps!
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female
reader, Kay +, writes (5 July 2005):
I think you and your husband really need to talk. Ask him what he wants out of his reationship with this other woman? Does he love her? If he loves you the way he says he does he wouldnt have done what he did. Maybe he's confused, he might be feeling trapped and may want to have a little fun but he doesnt deserve the chance! when you exchaged wedding vows he made a promise to you and he has failed to keep that promise. Can you ever trust him again? If you both feel you want to star again with each other, this other woman shouldnt even exsist in his life, but if he continues to see, speak to her what chace do you have! he must make a choice or why not be the strong woman you seem to be and make the choice for him! leave this guy to drown in his own selfishness, is he forgetting there are children involved? find someone who loves you for you! x good luck whatever you decide x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2005): If I were you, I would give up...because the way it sounds..he's not worth the tears or pain..but if you 2 decide to split, then make him pay child support..that's the least he can do. But if he really loves you, he wouldn't of done this to you. Good luck
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