A
female
age
41-50,
*mustangSally#
writes:What does it mean when my husband called out our 16 month old daughter's name during sex?My husband and I have a 16 month old daughter. During sex, he called out her name by accident instead of my name, saying, "Oh-----------, I love you!" We were completely sober, just tired. He claims he was thinking about trying to "make" another baby (which we were trying to do), and our first baby's name just came to his head. The whole thing completely disturbed me to the point where I can't even speak to him. In my opinion, being really tired and thinking about a potential new baby, is Not a fair explanation for calling out, "Oh,------------- (my daughter's name)...I love you!" But, maybe I am overreacting and not being fair to my husband. I am completely grossed out by this incident. There is no one I feel I can talk to about it, because if I am overreacting,I do not want people we know to also overreact and see him as this weirdo if in fact he is not. My husband is a good person and I would have had no reason to ever expect such a thing to happen. He is a typical guy... sports, cars, Howard Stern, etc. A good dad and so on. Although, when it comes to caring for our daughter he tends to get competative rather than cooperative. He often wants to be alone with her, but I almost never let him just because she is still breastfeeding and will not take a bottle etc. Please help me sort this one out. Thanks!
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male
reader, Joma J  +, writes (21 April 2011):
I love my daughter til death but no, _NEVER_ crossed my mind to call out her name during love-making with the most wonderful person in the world - her mother. Lets just say, my daughter never came into the picture during our "sessions"
Sorry to say this, keep an eye on him. Please be a responsible mother. Your daughter needs you dear :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): The last part of your post sort of made me queasy. He wants to be alone with your daughter? HOW SO?
I quote another answer, and have the same thoughts.
Even if I am a professional in this area, dealing with both accusations and real abuse, I can't tell how you should procced.
Often though the intuitive feelings a mother has needs to be taken serious. To many mothers neglect this and kind of miss all the clues further on.
The namecalling is not my issue since as already said this is so common that our wires gets mixed up, but the "being alone part does really concern me.
If this is you missunderstanding him it might be okay still, BUT it is very common for offenders to try to create isolated areas where they can do what they wan't to do alone with kids.
This area is "being alone" and as older "not to tell anyone else".
You are not at all stupid so my suggestion is, talk about it. And I mean really deep. If nothing is going on then you will know it from your intuition telling you it's okey.
If you still are afraid, ask him to go with you to a center for this problems and talk.
I mean it can be an issue for him to mix sex and love, so that when he really loves someone, even his kid, his way of expression is distorted.
This is the case for many people that become offenders, but actually has issues in how to display affektion.
All over the world there are people knowing how to deal with this and perhaps to educate in how to show love the best way.
Away from this topic a bit is the problems parents have when the kids gets really seductive in their oidipal phase.
Or how to teach about sex, how to act when genitals are touched or displayed, and so on.
But keep in mind issues like this needs to be looked upon with an open mind.
I am more secure with people that says yes a kid that rubs at me makes my body react, as this is pure biology, than those that tries to lie telling that a "wrong" reaction could never happen since they are so and so.
Being a human men has erections, kids sometimes try to get at bodyparts for curiousity, but the correct way to deal with smaller kids is to just change their focus. It's so easy done.
When they try to grab you you just say, "hey look, whats that?" and its over.
To older kids a lesson in anatomy can appear out of the blue. Even if the "why?" comes in an embarressed moment like "what´s that" or a "Why's that?" concerning erections they survive knowing it's natural and for the most time not at all objectoriented, like nocturnal erection that are so common I would say there's something wrong if it dissappears in a healthy man.
But not knowing you, I suggest proffesional counseling with you husband. And if he's got nothing to hide, he will find it smart to understand eash other better.
If he is reluctant to talk and just say youre stupid, then I am sure youre not. The wellbeing of you both should be his main concern. If not? Then mabye he is not the man for you.
Saying that, keep in mind that protecting your kid is prio number uno. even if you later come to live apart for some reason the issue must be solved or else letting him have the kid overnight, would be a major worry.
So only one way to go, and please... listen. I have clients (gov office for mental health) so often that those I worry most about is not the god parents that ask for advice, but those we never come to talk with.
In my part of the world talking about this is as easy as talking 'bout anything that is of concern for the pro's. In some country I would advice against seeking religious advice or any other type that have prethoughts and ready answers for these kind of topics.
(Having said that, there are pro's in may religious center, but not at all in everyone. In the USA I've found many to have a very conservative view and loosing focus as soon as the topic deals with sex. To move on even if it is an issue, even if something is going on, one wouldn't want to have a diagnostic viewpoint but a "how can we change this" approash)
Most men that are for sure offenders in the way you might suspect him to be, and mabye are right in assuming, are imature and many times have been victims of abuse themself.
How well do you actually know each other?
If I got married like you I would know him before I went along, so we at least had a base to talk from.
I am sure you both jumped that fence a bit to fast for my liking since you ask a forum and did not solve it using your own resources at home and with pro's in your area.
In that case I keep freethinking that you are the typical group where things can happen, belonging to those who don't talk enough.
But I raise my flag for a mother who is concerned. And for your sleeping better, most cases are proven as missunderstanding or fantasies by a person that just needs a little guidance to keep the right attitude for the future.
Summary; Being alone topic conserns me and needs to solved. Talk about this with pro's at your side to guide the discussion so the real worries are adressed and solved.
/Cert. Psych and sexual advisor in Europe.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): After this, I would keep an eye on him.I'm not saying he is a sexual predator, or anything like that...But if I were in your position, I would be a bit worried too.Everyone else is saying that your overreacting, but I still find it disturbing.Good luck.xx
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A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (7 September 2008):
 I was going to say that it could be another woman an ex maybe. I mean there are many people that have the same name, then I read on and the last part of your post sort of made me queasy. He wants to be alone with your daughter? HOW SO? I am seeing a different side of this than most that have replied, but it's because of something that has happened to someone very close to me.
Have you figured anything out? Talked about it with him?
Wish you well sweetie
Michelle
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): It means nothing. If you want to discuss, do so with your husband, to get some perspective.
Maybe the name of your baby is the name of one of his ex's he decided to name your child?...This could be more possible, if your husband decided to name your child.
Take care and communicate!!!!!!!!...Please!
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A
female
reader, xxNana  +, writes (25 August 2008):
 I Think maybe your just taking it a tad far.
your husband loves your daughter.
but of course he loves you more.
but its a slip of the tounge,
your husband was probably so happy about your daughter,
that he could stop thinking about her.
but i think your whole thought on this problem is wrong.
no offence.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (25 August 2008):
 100,000 to 1 odds against him having sexual thoughts about your daughter. Seriously don't worry about it.
Only negative I could come with would be if he was the one that chose your daughter's name and that she is named after someone else that he might be thinking of ....
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (25 August 2008):
 Sweetie, personally I think it was just a reflex thing... he was so wrapped up in his lovemaking that he didnt realise what he was saying.... I have even heard of men calling out their dog's name... Honeygirl
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): as a victim of childhood abuse i know all too well how easy it is to be suspicious of people for no reason other than the memories that remain unresolved in my own head, i struggle to be affectionate with my own child and cant give any love whatsoever to my stepchild, i remain uncomfortable with others peoples affection for their children because the affection in my own childhood was so warped, however i have not in my lifetime(im 40) met another suvivor of abuse so my rational thoughts tell me how very rare this remains it is reported in the papers daily but it doesnt mean it happens behind every door, DONT ruin your husbands relationship with his daughter put your trust in him and let him build a close loving relationship with her, it is EXTREMELY rare for even the worst kind of child abuser to fantasise over a baby, relax and enjoy your family and get back to making baby no. 2 goodluck honey now go cuddle hubby and apologise for being silly, you will have made him dreadful for even thinking anything untoward about him :-/
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 August 2008):
Well I think a lot of people will start accusing him of horrible things on here. But remember they have no more experience in the world than you and some a lot less so.
I really can't advise on this one because I think the advice that helps most will need to come from a guy who is a dad. They are around on the board so they may be able to explain the whole "being a dad/ making babies" feeling and if that would explain it.
I wasn't going to reply at all but I just knew you are going to get other people saying "OMG he is a monster u shud leave him!!!" and I wanted to let you know we do have older guys on here that can advise a bit better than that.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (25 August 2008):
 Have you not stopped to think that your husband may be that besotted by your baby ~ that she's on his mind 24/7? It happens. A slip of the tongue is all it is.
How many times have you gone to call someone and got their name wrong? On many occasions I've gone to call my 3 grandson's and I've got all their names wrong.
My poor mother... we were 6 siblings, and nearly every time she wanted one of us ~ she would call all six of our names 'til she got the right one, {I must admit, it was hilarious}.
Please don't be paranoid about it, I can almost guarantee it was a mere slip of the tongue. You mention this worry to your husband and he'll got nuts. You said yourself, he's a good person and you have had no reason to ever suspect anything, so you mustn't go upsetting yourself over an innocent mistake.
BigSis
xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): I think YOU are the one who is warped. You seem to have a pretty digusting opinion of your husband, brought about by an innocuous incident. She's his DAUGHTER, she is 16 MONTHS - sort yourself out missus.
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A
female
reader, Regina Souza  +, writes (25 August 2008):
You are SURE OVERREACTING!!!! He sees his daughter every SINGLE day!! I assume he got a job and you and him keep in touch quite often during the day to catch things up AND to FIND OUT how is..... doing? Your daughter now is the center of the attention and I REALLY don't see the BIG DEAL of it! Also, STOP having NEGATIVE THOUGHTS over this, though, if you keep doing so, your marriage will might have consequences that, you will regret later in life.
ENJOY YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR DAUGHTER AND BE HAPPY!!!
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