A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i was with my long term partner for 15 years we had a son together,we split up a year ago,because i had cheated on him in all the years we lived together i never even looked at another man,but what happened my ex started going to the gym all the time,before we spent most of our time together.i was on my own for long periods of time.someone came along and i was stupid enough to have a affair which lasted 5 weeks i stopped it and confessed to my partner.he didnt seem bothered and went off to the gym.things became worse and he was keeping me short of money to buy food.i slept on the settee for 7 months then i asked him to leave,the night he left i cried all i wanted was for him to turn around and say lets talk it over and try to work it out. but he never did.he went to live in his flat and we still remained friends,in the mean time he started seeing a married women and i met this man,after while neither relationship worked out and my ex partner said he always wanted to get back with me but was scared to say just in case i rejected him,i said i needed sometime on my own to get myself sorted out,so i told him i want to get back with him and have always loved him and what i did was a big mistake,now in the mean time he has met a lady and has known her a week and a half and says he doesnt want to get back with me now he has no feelings for me,but he has for her,but surely he hasnt and its just lust he has only been out with her the once and they never even kissed.she has just come out of a relationship as well where her boyfriend cheated on her.and isnt sure what she wants.i spoke with my ex yesterday but he just walked off because i was crying,i rang him last night,he said he didnt want to call me because he felt ill because of it all,and he said there was no chance but after i talked to him for a while he said he will think about it.he said he would have trouble trusting me,but i swore that i would never do it again.i'm going crazy,i know i did wrong in the beginning and i am truly sorry,i dont want to throw 15 good years away we had together.i just dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): Your husband hasn’t forgiven you. He keeps dangling carrots in your face to abuse you and make you pay for what you did. If he cared about you and the relationship then you BOTH would be talking honestly about fixing it. It takes two to make it work, not one. It sounds like you need to take yourself out on a date and pamper yourself. Life makes more sense when you take the time to listen to yourself and give yourself (and your husband) time to heal. If he really cares about you, then you NEVER have to worry about him finding another woman. He will willingly come to your door to talk. Until then, don’t make yourself seem needy and desperate. Nobody wants either of those. Join something you have always wanted to do. You will find some people with common interests and it will keep you busy. In this time of sadness, pick yourself up and grow and show the world how you care about yourself.
A
male
reader, merlyn  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 why is it when a woman has an affair it ok and it supposed to be fixed with an " i am sorry" but when a man does it he is a S.O.B. and every woman in the world clamers to to poor wife's side bs. you got what you deserve and i don't think its enough. there is no excuse none what so ever and your husband should have been the first thing on your mind not it feels so good. talking with your husband about how you felt should have been your fisrt action not taking off your clothes. so live with the choice you made and live horridly at that
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Hi Honey,
You made a dreadfull mistake and have suffered for it dearly. What you need to do now is not keep crying and begging for him to come back.
Let him get on with it, and move on with your life. I am not condoning what you did, but it sounds to me like you were having a pretty rough time yourself.
You have done all you can to let him know how sorry you are, and how much you still love him. But it sounds to me like he is punishing you still. Thats because he has the upper hand.
I know this will be extremly hard for you, but let him go. Its the only chance you have of getting him back. If he see's that you are no longer waiting in the wings for him, it may shock him into thinking about the fact he will loose you completely. And if he really does love you, he wont let that happen.
Good luck XX
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Looks like you have two choices here. You can sit around and wait for him to make up his mind whether he wants to try again with you OR you can move on with your life. Only you can say whether it is feasible that you guys could work this out or not. He doesn't trust you and that is very hard to build back. I'd advise you not to come across too needy though. Don't call him on the phone and cry. I think I would just try to get on with my life. Stay busy, go out with friends, let him do his own soul searching but don't waste you life sitting around waiting for something that may or may not happen.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 There is nothing you can do except give him time and space. He has a picture in his mind of you naked and in bed doing things with another man's body. I'm sorry to be blunt but that's how it goes through his mind. He's probably thought of every possible sexual activity and wondered if you tried them. His pride is hurt and he may never be the same.
All you can do is let him know you did wrong. There were problems in the relationship and instead of dealing with them, you took the wrong path.
You can not push him.
eddie
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): I hope you have learned your lesson.
And I hope he has the sense to never come back to you and that he moves on and finds someone who WON'T cheat.
Guess you are wishing you could turn the clock back now.
5 weeks of having sex with someone behind your partners back. Then, you feel guilty, end it, tell your husband (in order to alieviate the guilt) and he doesn't want to know anymore.
Can't say I blame him. Can't have your cake and eat it.
You don't deserve him and I sincerely hope you never find anyone else because I pity the poor sod who could wind up with such an unfaithful, disrespectful and downright selfish woman as you.
The grass is NEVER greener on the other side of the fence.
There are NO excuses. NONE whatsoever.
YOU caused this. YOU deserve the consequences.
Now live with them.
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