A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my husband watches porn. we have a great sex life. but when he watches porn he says comments like, o look at that big ass, mm those boobs are huge or her pussy looks good i want to fuck it. he says he loves me and loves my body. why would he say this things? does he not love me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): to be honest i think hes extremely rude and disrespectful to you, if you love someone you dont degrade them by talking about how sexually attracted to somebody else you are, especially in that context. I can only imagine how you feel and i suspect that your confidence has taken a knock so if i were you and this is just how i would handle it, i would get him a porn with some great looking guys and comment the same way he does wen hes looking at the women.
And maybe he might just get the hint ;)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): There is a difference between making love and f'ing. This sounds like f'ing. Plain and simple.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 I wouldn't say that he does not love you at all. He seems to be caught up in the fantasy of porn and doesn't know that its bothering you. I'm sure he understands that he will never actually be with these women and that they do not fulfill a relationship. What you could do other than sitting him down and talking to him is next time he says something like that agree or better yet if you watch it together make the comment first. What this does is puts you at his attention and is able to put the porn into the background. Also he'll then think of your comments more and it will keep you in his mind even when he does watch porn by himself. It becomes more of a fun game rather than you taking it as a hurtful comment. You can also do this when, say you notice a girl that catches his eye.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 November 2010):
 That's quite rude to say that. Commenting on the fact that a woman is pretty is one thing. Even married people who are secure in themselves can politely appreciate that someone else is good looking, but saying you want to have sex with another woman's genitals (notice the example wasn't "I want to f*ck her" just her p*ssy.
It would bug me that he would objectify a woman to that degree right in front of me. I would probably say something like "Well, if you're into silicone, drugs, and STD's, knock yourself out."
He says these things because he's rude and can get away with it because you're not challenging him, but rather you're succumbing because you think you're not as good as these porn stars.
I'd talk to him at length about it. If you're okay with him watching porn, tell him that you do not want to ever hear his comments about women like that in front of you. Tell him that it's disrespectful to you as his wife. Would he be okay with you opening talking about another guy's body and saying things like "Man do I want to suck on his huge (fill in the blank)"?
If you're not okay with him watching porn, that's another story and another discussion altogether.
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A
female
reader, Probablylucy  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Do you watch porn together? Or is it just with him?
Alot of guys watch porn and it has nothing to do with love. He might have absolutely no emotional connection with these girls on the screen, so there's no reason to feel threatened or feel that he doesnt love you. Whether you agree with porn or not, the fact is that many people watch it simply for pleasure. It doesnt mean that he's any less attracted to you, or that he's not satisfied by you, maybe just that he has a healthy sex drive.
If you really have a problem with him saying these things, have you talked to him? Ask him how he would feel if you were oggling other men and commenting on their bodies?
My boyfriend often comments on female film stars, saying things like 'wow she is fit. I'd do her' But I know that he has no emotional connection with Megan Fox (or whoever the actress of choice is at the time haha)and i know that megan fox poses no threat to me. Who doesn't fantasize about their ultimate move-star crush? Maybe the same thing applies with you and your husband?
Anyways, I wish you all the best :) x
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Have you talked to him about it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Very sorry to hear this miss. I would feel greatly demeaned and disrespected by him if I was in your shoes. I hope he's not playing some game to make you get to want him more. On one hand says he needs to be careful with his porn exposure as he could easily rely on that more for his sexual needs because of the stimulation it sounds like it gives him. This would be entirely unfair to you as nothing ever beats the real thing in my opinion :)....you need to talk to him and ask him why he says the things he does. try to do it calmly as any upsetting assertion may get him to act defensive and you want a productive convo. my best wishes on this for you :)
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