A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I found out my husband has been having an affair and texting this woman for 2 years i accidently found itemised billsand now he expects me just to forgive and forget and move on. how can i do thiswe have been married for 41years
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affair, move on, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 See, I am not dogmatic, so I advice you to forgive and forget. The issues of trust is the issues of 'feeling'. Do not allow your feeling to decide your life problem, because feeling is not stable thing. Try to read the mind of your husband, know his expectation, his helplessness, ...call for all details of his affair, by saying him that you wanted to forgive and forget but after learning the entire affair, its cause and its reasoning. I think, husband wife relation is more important than anything else in life. Honesty is the best policy, you start first and he will be forced to follow.
See, cognition and communication are the two side of a single coin. You both have this coin, so cash it and save your marriage life. Again I repeat: Feeling is not stable thing so do not try to cash it...
A
female
reader, jitterbug  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Of course he thinks you should just "forgive and forget".
It means he doesn't have to face any consequences for his actions.
How very convenient.......For him, that is.
during his two year affair, he lied to you.Repeatedly.He deliberately withheld information from you,that affects your mental, and possibly physical, health.
He denied you your right to have a say in something that affects you. He robbed you of your dignity.He was content, for two years, to allow to you to believe that you were in a committed marriage.He showed a complete disregard for your feelings with those actions.
He's continuing to show disregard for your feelings, by expecting you to just shrug it off, and sweep it under the rug. He's invalidating your point of view.
You have every right to be furious about being treated with such a lack of respect.
It's not impossible to repair a marriage after infidelity, but he needs to demonstrate genuine regret.
Not just remorse for having been caught.
You need to speak up for yourself...............
(if you permit it..........you promote it)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 February 2010):
You can't. Your husband has betrayed your trust. You can't forget, and if he thinks that you should, then he's not worth your time. Tell you will not forgive him overnight and you expect him to go to counselling with you to fix this mess.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 Apart from his affair has he been a good husband, does he treat you well, spend time with you, take care of you etc. If so, try to think of this affair as nothing more than him having a regular tennis partner that he quite likes - I'd be pretty sure that that is how he feels about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 No, you cannot just forgive and forget! What he has done has hurt you more than he could ever imagine.
41 years is a very long time to be married and I urge you to get yourself and your husband off to marriage counselling urgently.
Sometimes when we have been with a partner for so long, things get very boring, but this is not an excuse for an affair, it is a reason to try and spice up the relationship.
He has destroyed all the trust you had in your marriage and until he understands just what he has done, he will probably not see that it has harmed the relationship at all.
Honeygirl
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