| A
female
,
*rokenheart
writes: Hi, I just learnt about this site from a friend,. I have a problem, I just had a vacation, a well deserved one. I met someone through work, we talked for hours we conneceted. For the first time I met someone who really listened to me and made feel like I was special. He invited me to his beach house on a romantic Carribbean island.v It all seemed too good to be true for me like a fairytale. Before I left, he called me every night and we emailed often. Yup I went and we hit it off from the first night, we talked, we made love. After I came back home it’s been a week. He called once to make sure I got home safe, I called him a few days later to let him know that I was alive he was happy to hear from me... He said work was pretty hectic and that he'd call me soon. I sent him an email to tell him how I felt, and yea that I'd fallen for him. He hasn't replied. I'm married but we are having problems, and I have two kids... I feel like I finally found love, someone who cares about me for me I think about him so much all the time . How can I make this work? Do you think he could love me? When we first met he told me that the reason he's single is because he's married to his job; do you think he's interested or was I just a vacation fling? He knows that I'm married. I don't even know if this is love for me or infatuation, I just know that whenever I hear his name my heart melts. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): It sounds like he got what he wanted. If your marriage isn't working don't rely on anyone else. I'm a bloke and i hate control freaks.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): Same thing happened to me. The only difference is that he kept contacting me and we met many times. We are both singles and I 'm sure, I fall inlove with him. Problem is, he might have a girlfriend and I think he thought I have bf also. Do you think he'll feel something special to me more than the fling thing? Do u think there is possibility for me and him to be true lovers?
...............................
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (1 August 2005):
This was a holiday romance and nothing more, you have to put it behind you as a fond memory and get on with your life.
If you are not happy in your marriage then you should be trying to work this out, especially as you say you have children.
...............................
A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (20 July 2005):
It seems that you have really fallen for this guy. However have you considered that your infatuation for him is escapism from the problems you are currently facing in your marriage?
It is impossible for you to "know" this man after only a few passion fuelled meetings, and what you have experienced with him cannot be compared with the relationship with your husband. Anybody can be Mr Perfect for a brief period.
There are a number of reasons why he may not have been in touch, he may be truthful when he says that he is devoted to his work.
He may be terrfied of being labelled a home-wreaker if you were to leave your husband to be with him. The confession that you had fallen for him may have scared him off. Most likely, he's used to living an uncomplicated, single carefree lifestyle and doesn't want anything to interfere with that.
Sadly, the fact that he hasn't replied implies that he doesn not want to pursue anything further. Have you discussed the problems you are facing in your marriage with your husband? Have you considered joint counselling? I think that you need to address the troubles in your marriage before you look outside of the relationship for fulfilment.
All the best x
...............................
A
female
reader, salsa_de_tomate18 +, writes (20 July 2005):
I don't like to pass judgement so all i can do is talk from previous experiences. I am twenty and my holiday romance happened when i was 17, SINGLE with out any ties and living the moment. I was innocent and also got caught up in the fireworks that a holiday romance can create. I think it's all to do with the holiday setting, all that magic and passion and beauty rolled in to one. I was in love with the guy for a year - no contact or anything just the eagerness in my heart to return the very next year and take over from where i left off. However, believe me in the year i was pining for him, he was getting many notches on his bed post. I hate to say it but it really sounds like you were one of the poor saps who got caught up in the heat of the moment but you mistook it for more that what it should've been. I feel for you cause i was broken hearted because i realised my big dream had all been for nothing.
I don't think you should pursure this. One - You're married and TWO- You have children. I think you're caught up in a marriage plus kids crisis meaning your life and relationship has become more repetitive and your husband and you have been give, give, give to your kids and not concentrating in your own relationship. I don't think you love this guy you met on your hols, i just think you are pining for what has been lost in your own relationship. May' be you should think about marriage counselling before you do something stupid like chase after a guy who is probably romancing some other woman like you. I am not judging you, just asking you to think about the real issues here.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2005): Quite honestly ..you can't make this work because I feel you have been conned by a smooth talking man. His reactions to your actions (calling and e-mailing) says he's no longer interested. It was a brief fling, the romance was superb, the sex was fantastic..nows the time to move on and get back to "real" life. If he was still interested in you, hun...he'd be moving mountains to be with you. He doesn't feel the same way you do.
You are very vulnerable to wanting someone to desire you...love you..romance you all because of your unhappiness in your marriage. Before you consider any more flings/affairs please think long and hard about the ramifications of an affair before you get into one. As much as we educated grown-up types like to think we can handle the informal affair, sex is a powerful act. The emotions it produces can be all-consuming and destructive. It clouds your sense. Think about what you want before you start. Maybe you could just tell your husband what you really need from him. Think about all possible outcomes. If your marriage is in a slump the best thing you can do for yourself and your husband is to try talking honestly to him about your feelings, if that doesn't make any improvements then try counseling. If unhappiness still leads to divorce then so be it but having an illict affair involves too many people that are innocent who can be hurt. Especially children. I can't tell you how many kids I know who's parent had an affair and have serious trust issues in their own relationships. At the end of the day it's a selfish act and you will dearly regret an affair.
As for your fling, accept that that's what it was. After all, what happens on vacation, usually stays on vacation...You had good old fashioned great sex and you made a wonderful memory that will make you still smile when you are old and gray. Now get back to reality and work hard at saving your marriage.
...............................
|
