A
female
age
41-50,
*apphire Blue
writes:I've been in this relationship for 12 years.Let me explain how much I love this man. He's my first love. You know that ride or die type of love? The one that blurs what's wrong and right just as long as you're together. He's always been my King.We got married 4 years ago, and everything changed. I've always been a happy alpha female. I am the everybody's best friend type of girl. The one who you can cry to and the one to get drunk with. I am also the one that will be in front of you ... if ever you got into a fist fight. Now, I wish my insides would die.I can take his temper. I can take the fact that he is struggling to support me. I came from a pretty well off family, and now we are on food stamps. I am doing my best trying to find a job, so I can support the family. You see, I don't mind any of this...The thing that's killing me is the other women. He is the biggest flirt. He does it in a way that makes me question everything I am because he breaks me down. Every time I get that surge of the old that makes me confront him .. he does the whole you're this and that talk. I look in the mirror and I can't even recognize myself.I've given this man 2 babies. I've moved all over the world. I've gotten his back 100% .. all with lipstick and heels on. I used to be 'that girl" and now ... my heart is in pieces. I just want my insides to die. There are times I catch a glimpse of the old me and I just wish I wouldn't because he takes it all away. None of what I have to offer makes him love only me.I've had so many men (even a celebrity) come around and say "Let me take you away" but I'm not that type. My heart wont let me love anybody else but him. He on the other hand, can't love only me.What do I do?
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female
reader, calico +, writes (17 September 2008):
 Wow... I cant believe your story. I thought to myself when I read this that I might be of some help to you b/c your story sounds almost similar to mine. So, he is your first and only love, you cant even imagine being with somebody else, b/c you and him are all you know. You have obviously been w/ him for a long time, and you are in this comfort zone. Have you tried telling him from beginning to end whats on your mind...from him breaking you down and him also having this flirting problem? Its not okay in this kind of relationship. And although you guys may be on food stamps and struggeling at times, that is normal..... unless your like millionaires or something. But in a marriage when more importantly kids are involved,what he is doing is abuse. How long have you been feeling like this? If it is completly destroying who you are and who you want to be, that is not good. By the sounds of it, you would probably give an arm and a leg just to satisfy him and show him that you love him. If your not getting even the slightest bit of appreciation back from him, I'm sorry to say... why would you want to stay w/ him? Ask yourself this.... other than the fact of the way he used to treat you, and how you guys used to be.... what is good about the relationship NOW??? I had to ask myself this when my fiance started abusing me... and I soon realized that IF I had met him say only 2 months ago and I only knew him for what he was doing to me NOW, I would not no way in hell put up w/ his B/S..... I'dd leave in a heart beat. But because I was w/ him for 7 years prior and in the first few years of our relationship it was like a fairy tale... that made it hard for me to leave him. I kept thinking about how much we had actually grown together, all I knew was him and I kept thinking that if he changed, things could go back to the way they used to be. So, are you holding on to the past, b/c if you are.... I will tell you its just not worth it. If you and him talk about all this and he admits to what he has been doing to you, maybe you guys can try couple counseling....if your up to it. They really can help to renew your guys' realationship. But if not, and he continues this.... you really need to consider what is best for you and your kids. Life is too short to be suffering like you are. You should be out there having fun, exploring your life and all your possibilities....not this. Talk to him and see whats up. Be calm and rational w/ him and see what happens,but if he looses it and starts saying rude stuff to you.... I would definatly ask yourself why you would want to continue on w/ him. I know its hard, but you CAN do it and things will get better. Good luck with everything....let me know how things went.
A
female
reader, CNKlives +, writes (17 September 2008):
I PROMISE this will help. There is a book, easy read, it is called The 4 Agreements (Michael Ruiz, I think that's how you spell his name). It is $9.73 on Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/103-0017514-1735079?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+four+agreement) if you can't afford this go to a library, GET IT. The first part of the book was hard for me to get into or even believe but once you get to the agreements it is a life altering approach...and it is easy. It changed my life completely..I am not doing it justice by this paragraph, just please get the book...
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