A
male
age
41-50,
*BARBER_77
writes:WAS VERY GOOD I THINK. I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU IF I MAY.I AM GOING THROUGH A BRAKE UP AFTER 8.5 YEARS. SHE TOLD ME SHE NEEDS SOME TIME. WE HAVE ONLY LIVED TOGETHER FOR 3 YEARS. MY PROBLUM IS I LOVE HER SO MUCH THAT I CAN NOT SEE MYSELF LIVING WITH OUT HER. I FIND MYSELF SAYING THAT IF I FIND OUT THAT WE WILL NEVER GET BACK TOGETHER THAT I WILL END MY LIFE AT HER HOUSE SO SHE WILL FIND ME THERE AND KNOW HOW MUCH SHE HURT ME.THEN OTHER TIMES IDON'T THINK THAT WAY SHE IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPEN TO ME IN MY LIFE IT HAS BEEN TWO WEEKS THAT I HAVE BEEN OUT OF THE HOUSE.SHE HAS BEEN SICK FOR AWHILE AND STRESSED AT WORK AND I THINK THIS HAS SOME TO DO WITH IT.I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW LONG TO GIVE HER I DON'T WANT HER TO THINK I AM OK AND DON'T WANT TO BE WITH HER BUT I DON'T WANT TO PUSH TO SOON EITHER. I DO WANT US TO GET BACK TOGETHER I AM WILLING TO TAKE IT SLOW WE CAN START BY DATING AGIAN AN GOING SLOW.JUST SO I CAN BE IN HER LIFE I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOLE AND CAN NOT PITURE LIFE WITH OUT HER PLEASE TALK TO ME I NEED SOME ONE TO TALK TO. THANK YOU
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at work, get back together Reply to this Question
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male
reader, TBARBER_77 +, writes (11 October 2007):
TBARBER_77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHANK YOU ALL FOR RESPONDING. JUST TO GIVE YOU SOME MORE INFO ON OUR STORY IT HAS BEEN A WONDERFULL TIME NO ARGUMENTS IN ALL THE TIME THAT WE WERE TOGETHER. SHE IS AN ARIES AND I AM A PISCES AND IF YOU DO THE COMPATIBILITY YOU WILL SEE WHAT I TALKING ABOUT PERFICT MATCH. SHE IS A WONDERFULL PERSON I HAVE NOTHING BAD TO SAY ABOUT HER. WHEN WE MET SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE DID NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED THEN OR MYBE NEVER I TOLD HER THAT WAS FINE THAT I JUST WANTED TO SHARE HER LIFE THAT IS WHAT I HAVE DONE WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH 3 BORTHS OF GRANDKIDS A DEATH OF HER AUNT. I HAVE BEEN GRANDPA TO 6 GRAND KID OF HERS ALL OF THEIR LIVES AND I TOLD HER THAT I STILL WANT TO BE IN THEIR LIVES.I HAVE WENT TO TWO SOCCER GAMES AND GOING TO A THRID THIS WEEKEND, SHE WILL NOT BE AT THIS WEEKENDS GAME.SHE IS GOING OUT OF TOWN FOR THE MEDICAL THING.WE ALSO HAD A BITHDAY PARTY FOR THE FOUR YEAR OLD LAST WEEKEND. WHEN WE LEFT SHE CAME TO ME AND HUGED ME AND GAVE ME A PECK O N THE CHEEK AND SAID I LOVE YOU BUT IT IS DIFFERANT'(DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MENT)I CALLED HER ONCE ON WENSDAY NIGHT TO TELL HER TO HAVE A SAFE TRIP AND GOOD LUCK WITH THE MEDICAL THING MADE IT SHORT.THIS IS THE SECOND BROKEN HEART I HAVE HAD I WAS MARRIED FOR 20 YEARS AND HAVE 3 GIRLS, THEY DO NOT SEE ME DO TO THEIR MOM THEY ARE ALL OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE UP THEIR MINDS NOW(ALL OVER 18)BUT THE MARRAGE WAS NOT AS HARD TO LEAVE BECAUSE WE DID DISAGRE ALL THE TIME AND IT WAS SO BAD SHE WAS VERY CONTROLING THAT EVEN PEOPLE THAT WE KNEW WOULD TELL ME THAT SHE WAS BAD TO ME BUT LOVE IS BLIND. BUT I WAS ABLE TO MOVE ON AFTER THAT BUT THIS IS DIFFERANT. I LOVER SO MUCH. AND I KNOW THAT I NEED NOT END MY LIFE FOR THE GRANDKIDS AND THE KID OF HERS BUT IT HURTS SO MUCH THAT LIKE I SAID I CAN NOT SEE MY LIFE WITH OUT HER.AND IF WE DON'T GET BACK TOGETHER I KNOW THAT WE WILL BE GOOD FREINDS FOR LIFE BUT I WILL GET WEIRD IF ONE OF US GETS SOME ONE ELSE.NETHER ONE OF US ARE LOOKING FOR ANY ONE ELSE WE BOTH SAID THAT TO EACH OTHER. SHE SAYS SHE IS JUST A LONER AND NEEDS SOME TIME. I THINK THIS IS TO TRY TO MAKE IT EASER FOR ME NOT TO CRUSH ME ALL AT ONCE.I THINK THAT SHE THINKS IF I HAVE SOME TIME AWAY THAT WHEN I ASK HER ABOUT GETTING BACK THAT SHE WILL TELL ME THEN THAT SHE DOSE NOT WANT TO AND BY THIS TIME IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME THEN BUT SHE IS WRONG IT WILL NEVER BE EASIER.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): Oh dear I can feel your pain. What you have just written and in the way you have written it says some things about you.
First of all you've been together for a long time but you were born separate. You had a life before her and it's not healthy the way you are talking about maybe ending your life. She is not yours and you are not hers.
Break ups are painful. Yes, maybe you'll get back together. I'm not saying you won't but you have to see this as a phase. Maybe a crisis and you have to be strong.
What if you get married and for some reason she dies? Are you going to kill yourself? Be more mature dear. Try to focus in your purpose in life as a single person and not by being her partner.
People who lose themselves into another person's life and forget who they are people who need help. They are addicted to the other person and call it love. Yes, there might be love there, but there are a lot of psychological stuff to deal with too. I'm a psychologist and some members of my family are like that.
Maybe it's not a bad idea to get in touch with her. You have been silent for two whole weeks. Call her and tell her the way you feel so you can get a fresh perspective of where are you standing in this relationship. Suggest couples therapy so she'll know you are willing to make positive changes. But be brief with the call.
Finally, you should think about the areas you have to improve in the relationship and start working with them now that you have the time. Go to the Library and find a good book on self help so you can start somewhere. I did that when I broke up with my ex recently and it's very rewarding because you feel understood when you read these books.
Consider also the possibility of going to a good Bible based church.
Good Luck! and keep us posted.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 October 2007):
 First of all I highly recommend seeking professional assistance. I really don't think ending it on her doorstep is the best approach. You say you love her. Doing that is a malicious action and would be considered one of hate. If you love someone, you wouldn't want to cause them a lifetime of pain.
I understand this type of hurt. I had it as well at one time. I went to a psychologist and found my mild depression got a quick shove to major depressive disorder.
Now you don't want to make her believe everything is OK. That's fine, but placing blame on her, reminding her of your hurt is not going to get her back, it will push her away more than anything. Most girls aren't interested in desperation.
Before we can figure anything out, or offer advice to point you in a better direction, instead of asking a question all based on the pain, reply with some of the history you had with her. Was it a faithful relationship? Arguments, how often? Was there a period before this, you noticed a change or decline? If so (with the stress) was there a change in career, home, family that may have caused a shift to induce stress?
A bit more information will help. Thank you. Take care.
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A
female
reader, Lila +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Talk to her and find out what the problem is or was with the relationship. If this problem still exist and can't be changed it may very well be over. Surround yourself with loved ones,they will be an invaluable resource to you now.Remember "It will all be alright in the end.If its not alright it's not the end."
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (11 October 2007):
Why didn't you ever marry her? She may have tired of waiting. You can't have a strategy that has a good chance of success unless you really know what she's been thinking about. If you don'y know that is a big part of your problem.
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