A
female
age
36-40,
*ittleTwoLegs
writes:Please help me, I have been crying for the past four hours.I am having a hard time "getting over" me ex. We were together for eight months, most of that time it was long-distance, but we were pretty much head over heels for one another right when we met. We shared many views and believed our connection was one ever-lasting and unique. Something very tragic happened to me in the first month we became long-distance and he was basically my foundation during that time, but still our relationship never faltered. He is the only person I want to be with, or that I have seen myself with since I first met him.It has been four months since we've ended it. It's more like he has just been distancing himself further and further in his own world. We have kept in touch since that time, I've been to visit him a few times and he came to a concert with me recently, and yes we have been intimate most of those times but it felt right. There are no problems when we're together, but naturally when we're apart it is not a desireable relationship. In the past few weeks we've been making seperate efforts to cut off communication, which becomes even more complicated since he said he'll always be there for me to talk to and since I am moving to his city in two months.It seems like every other week I've been going through these spells where I am utterly devistated at how our relationship has turned out--I have been having small breakouts (I have relatively flawless skin), I have had trouble maintaining an appetite and mostly have only consumed a bagel and soft drinks, I have recently developed a cold sore and for the first time in my life have been having nose bleeds, which have been commonplace for the past two months. I am in utter turmoil and whenever I have time to myself I just cannot stop crying, even when I am commuting to and from work, which is particularly dangerous since I drive on the highway. I feel purposeless and without meaning...someone please give me advise so that I can enjoy my life without my ex.
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female
reader, LittleTwoLegs +, writes (3 July 2007):
LittleTwoLegs is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey everyone,
Thanks for all of the well thought replies, I do appreciate it.
For a time at the beginning of the year I did not seek out therapy, which put an ultimate hault to any recovery I was making and this is around the time our relationship ended. I've been seeing a women's counselor for a few months now at the YWCA, and it's OK but I feel that is more or less for a professional to keep track of my individual efforts of finally closing the doors to that darkness, hopefully before the summer's end.
Since I wrote my original post I developed a soar throat from so much crying, which in turn made me develope a cold from all of the stress I've been applying on myself. You are right--I had admitted to my mentor that I am now facing my biggest fear since the incident and being forced to conquer it: a life without Will*. I have been experiencing so much heartache and anguish of late from realizing this, not to mention wading through a pool of Kleenexes strone across my apartment, but at the same time I do see that it is a necessary, even vital step to finding my true self again.
In other news I took a roadtrip to spend time with an old friend from long ago who owns a farm all to herself. I had some time to reflect, and she lives all on her own with relatively no other soul but herself, her dogs and her horses...but she is so happy. You can see the twinkle in her eye when she laughs, and what a vibrant laugh it is, and you can hear the spark and liveliness in her voice and the way she talks. She is a survivor of breast cancer, and look at how tough she is. Can I not be just as great as she if not more?
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (1 July 2007):
Since it is having such a bad effect on your health you should talk to your doctor about your symptoms and he/she may refer you to a counsellor or something who can help you better deal with your emotions so the ydo not cause such a bad effect on your health. You are obviosuly having trouble coping so I think this is the ideal way to deal with the situation you are in. good luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): Well, I think you are finally going through the grief process, you said something tragic happened to you the first month you met, and he was your rock during that time, perhaps he was also a distraction from having to deal with the pain of your tragic event....and now that he is gone, you are left to face that deeper hurt alone, I don't think this emotion is all about losing the guy, I think you are in pain, period.
Don't try to fight this emotion, and don't worry about a couple of pimples, buy some saline nosespray at the pharmacy for a dry nose (the cause of your nose bleeds due to so much crying) and don't worry about losing your appetite, it will be back....but it has been 4 months and you are still struggling over an 8 month relationship, I think it is the other pain you are not letting yourself deal with....if you have not yet done so, please seek the help of a good therapist, a PhD level is what I think is best, Cognitive Behavioral or Behavioral....ask your family phycisian for a referral....they can determine if you are suffering from a severe depression, which would be understandable for what you have been through this year, and can give you medication and talk therapy to get you to the other side of this darkness, there is light at the end of the tunnel, but don't try and go this alone, please make and appointment with your doc tomorrow, and take the steps to climb out of this hole. Depression is not something you can will yourself out of, and it does not mean you have lack of character, seeking help in fact will show your strength of character, so do that for yourself!
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (30 June 2007):
 Well i think your first port of call should be to your gp, as it sounds as though you are suffering with depression, which is understandable due to what you have been through.
Secondly i think for you to move on completely, as hard as it will be you need to stop all contact with you ex, because seeing him is not going to help, especially when there is intimacy when you see each other.
You are a good person and don't you ever forget that and you are just going through a tough time, and i can assure you with the right help tou will come through this and be very happy again.
Take care.xx.
Feel free to chat if you want to.
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A
female
reader, sarahbeth101 +, writes (30 June 2007):
well try to go treat your self to a spa, or go hang out with your mom, or friends. try to do something that will take your mind off him. i know that may seem imposible, but don't say that. at least try. maybe if you are still being depressed go to a shrink or someplace that you can talk to. just try to forget him. i know that it may have seemed like the perfect realation ship, but as you can see it wasn't. so don't let that get you down. sometimes things happen. and believe it or not you will move on!!
XXXX hope things work out for you!!!
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