A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met an Asian girl from Singapore a few years ago and she has been my girlfriend for three years now, about six weeks ago I met her family for the first time.The first time I was alone with my girlfriend's brother he started to ask me some very strange questions, he asked me what are Asian women like in bed, are Asian women more submissive in bed, are Asian women willing to do anything you say in bed, do they get on top much etc, etc he continued to ask me about another twenty questions on the subject of what Asian women are like in bed. Considering the only Asian woman he knows that I have been with is his sister who he knows I have been with for three years these questions completely freaked me out as he kept get specifically asking me about Asian women in bed, oh I am irish so as farad he is aware of the only Asian woman I've been with is his sister, which is true.Honestly I don't know what to think after these questions were put to me. Like I would never talk about sex with my sister's boyfriend let alone ask specifics about his sex life or ask what my sister is like in bed it is all very strange to me. PS my girlfriend told me that her brother who is 23 still sometimes sleeps in his mothers bed it is all very strange and I have no idea what to think and I'm just thinking crazy things. Anyway sorry for the long question any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanking you.
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female
reader, deirdre +, writes (16 July 2015):
How strange! I would wonder if he has had very limited contact with peers his own age or else he may have never had sexual experiences in general. Maybe he is a bit immature for his age?
He may have looked at something on the internet and got ideas of these "stereotypes" surrounding Asian women. In any case it is totally inappropriate and awkward for you, for him to be asking these questions. If this ever happens again, a short sharp answer like the first poster (at the bottom of the page) would be suitable.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 July 2015):
 Don't over-think it. So her brother is a weirdo. You know you do not have to answer every question someone asks you.
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A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (15 July 2015):
 Well... either he's weird or he's trying to 'test' you.Asians guys are known to be very protective of their sisters. Maybe he thinks that by having this 'cool guy talk' with you about sex and Asian women that you will talk about his sister. Good thing you didn't. But some guys are stupid and might start talking... then they'll be in trouble!My advice is not to give info out but try to get along and talk about other topics of interest. It would make your girlfriend very happy to know that you get along with her family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2015): You don't have to answer any of his questions. He's weird, but that has nothing to do with you, or your girlfriend. I wouldn't engage him. It doesn't require any response, or reaction really. You can't react when you don't really know the nature or reasoning behind it. You don't know him.
She knows exactly what he's all about, but has decided to keep that to herself. If he continues every-time you see him, just tell him he was making you feel uncomfortable with his questions. You're allowed to. Fortunately, he's not the one you're dating. Everyone has a creep in the family. You can't just lock them in the attic. You may be his first closeup encounter with a European. He might be a bit sheltered, cracked, and/or countrified; to say the least. He may have the mind of an adolescent. Many cultures don't discuss mental-illness or psychological afflictions within their family with outsiders. They don't wish to be judged.
You can only draw conclusions on what you know. Don't try to process any of it. You've met the family, and there's always going to be an odd-ball.
This is purely speculation. I want to remind you; that you come from a different culture, and he may have been mocking you to your face. Asking if you find his sister/Asian women any different; or stereotypical of what you've heard. I am of mixed-heritage, and it's difficult to tell what my nationality is. Guys have actually dated me because of it. I didn't realize it, until they started asking me strange questions; and making broad assumptions. Maybe he figures that's what you're up to. I don't know how he masters English; but many foreign dialects rearrange grammar and syntax as we know it in English. I think it may have lost something in translation, so to speak. However; your instincts that it was inappropriate are on the mark. In any case.
He may be implying you are satisfying an "ethnic-fetish" for Asian women. I would have been quite offended, as were you; but would have excused myself from his presence with nothing more than a cold-stare. He'd get the point without a word between you. Being a stranger and a guest in his home; you had to be gracious and polite. If only for your girlfriend's sake. Next time, assure him you have no idea what he's talking about; and don't like what it sounds like.
Period!
Otherwise; he is mentally-ill, and she has yet to divulge the fact. I would mention it to your girlfriend; so she can give you a proper explanation of what you're dealing with.
Maintain your cool all the same.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 July 2015):
 It would be NONE of your business where he sleeps. Just like it's none of his what you do in bed with his sister....
Though.. I find it a tad creepy for an adult male to sleep with him mom.
Maybe he is sleeping there to give you and your GF space? or Privacy?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 July 2015):
 I misread your question sorry. I thought your brother asked you questions like these. He's Asian too so why would he be asking. How dare he thinks of his sister that way?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (14 July 2015):
I would just answer his question in a general way. Not all women are the same. Not all Irish are gingers with freckles. I think your brother could be jealous. Tell him you respect your wife too much to talk about such vulgar topics. He should never think of his sister in law like that, as a sexual object. I would also limit meetings between her and the brother because in his mind all he's capable of is imagining things sexual. Family gatherings should be lighthearted. Conversations should be about "how's Singapore like, how are you liking it here in Ireland, etc." I would worry one day he's going to flirt with her too.
Your girlfriend should not tell you about her brother too. She trusts you enough not to judge her family, which is a good thing. I am thinking strange things too. Her dad is no longer in their lives? Well, some Japanese families still take baths all together naked. It's traditional. Nowadays I doubt they still do that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2015): Thanks for the help guys. Any ideas or thoughts about him sleeping in his mother's bed? Thanks again
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (14 July 2015):
 Whatever interest he has in yours and his sisters sex life, if most definitely, as you put it- Weird!
Asking questions like that about his own sister is not a good thing, nor is it appropriate, and to be honest, its even weirder for him to ask that to a person who he just met!
I do agree with mystiquek, he could be sexually inexperienced and simply wanted to know the details.. however that still is not an excuse and I would of frankly told him that asking stuff like that is plain weird and very disrespectful to you and his sister.
If he starts saying stuff like that again, simply shut him down and say you don't want to talk about it. If his behaviour begins to concern you to a certain point or it makes you worry, talk to your girlfriend about it, maybe she has a better idea whats going on with her strange brother. Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (14 July 2015):
 Your girlfriend's brother definitely is curious...a little too much so. Perhaps he is sexually inexperienced and somehow thought that you might share some information with him? Totally inappropriate I agree. In fact, you went the conversation go on far longer than I would have, I guess you were trying to be polite? I would have shut him down after the 2nd or 3rd question and said something like "I'm sorry I don't discuss these kinds of matters they are private and I'd appreciate it if you would remember this for future reference." I think that would have stopped the conversation pronto!
Have you told your girlfriend??
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2015):
Why not simply say, I have no intentions of giving you any details of MY sex life, because it's none of your business.
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