A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Help! My husband thinks I have cheated on him. We have been married 9 years and sex was great at first until he started accusing me of cheating because my vagina was too loose, it didn't feel the same.ilove him and have been faithful too him the whole time.i honor my vows cause it was a promise I made too him and God but this torments me and makes me not even want to have sex with him at all.i don't know what to do! I'm 46 yrs. Old and he is 45.im tired of being accused should I stay or go?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (15 July 2015):
 Well... I suppose it's possible that a man of your husband's generation isn't particularly well informed on female reproductive health, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt in answering this. With one caveat: once you KNOW he is educated on the topic, please, please hold him accountable for any disrespectful things he continues to say!
Like Aunt Honeypie mentioned, age and changing hormone levels do cause your vagina to lose some of its youthful elasticity over time.
But... did you know that age ALSO affects the size (both length and girth) of a man's penis?
This article:
http://www.m.webmd.com/men/guide/life-cycle-of-a-penis
has a great explanation of the changes that are slowly occurring on his end, and I would suggest you share it with him so that he realizes you truly can feel "bigger" to him over time WITHOUT having cheated. Much as he may not want to admit it to himself or to you, he may very well be shrinking!
You may also wish to see your regular GP *together* for an impartial medical explanation of the changes that are natural for you both.
If, after a calm and rational explanation from you and/or a medical doctor, your husband still prefers to believe that you have broken your vows, I'm afraid there may not be much of a marriage left for you to save. Again, Honeypie has given you some great advice about what the exit process and considerations in such an event might look like.
Hope this helps resolve the issue. Good luck and best wishes!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2015): You might also ask him, loose compared to who's?
Go to the bookstore and buy him a book about aging, in females and males. Have your gynecologist explain what happens to the female body as it ages. Then you may also remind him that HE just might be shrinking with age! Find yourself a good divorce attorney in the meantime. Get your legal ducks in a row. He may be considering a divorce; and siting marital-infidelity as the basis. He may be planning to walkaway leaving you penniless. Don't sit on your hands while he crushers your feelings, and treats you like a cheat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2015): Sounds like he may be up to something; and trying to turn it around on you.
If he's getting crazy with it, you will have to hand down an ultimatum. He must have a very limited education; or doesn't have a clue about female anatomy. If you're aging gracefully, and have had children; you will not maintain the same tone you've had in the past. No more than he'll always be able to get-it-up. He may be trying to find an excuse to avoid explaining his lack of interest in sex; or trying to hide his own diminishing sex-drive. Although, some women do lose vaginal-tightness with age. He's going through mid-life crisis, and getting crazy.
Put your foot down and don't behave passively when someone is pointing the finger at you. Stand-up for yourself. We get far too many women coming to this site for advice they have no intention of using. If you are a timid person, I recommend that you do divorce him. He will make your life hell!
If you can't stand up to him, leave him. You're his equal, and if you don't feel you are; nothing we say really matters.
I'm so sorry; but you've got an ignorant bastard of a husband.
If you can't convince him you're faithful, hand him his walking papers. You're not going to be happy living with a man who has made up his mind you're a cheat; and all the proof he has to go on is based on utter ignorance. He's too old to turn around, and you're going to be pandering to his suspicions and accusations the rest of your life. Staying with him depends on how much of that you can handle, and how long.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 July 2015):
 You sit him down and say: "Hunchy-Bunchy.... I don't know where you got this obsession with believing that I have not been faithful to you.... BUT, I have (been faithful) and YOU need to come to grips with whether or not you are going to continue harping on that subject or not. IF you are (going to harp upon it), THEN you will soon be "single" and won't have to worry about the subject any more.... IF you decide NOT to harp upon it... and wish to resume the "marriage" that we used to have... then plan on keeping your fat mouth shut, and enjoy me as you did in the past.... Meanwhile, Hunchy-Bunchy, get used to how my pussy feels... because that is what you get for the remainder of our marriage... Understand?"
That should lead to a fruitful and productive conversation.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2015):
 Your husband is an ignorant fool. To put it mildly.
YOUR vagina didn't get "loose" because you had sex with someone else or even 10 someone else!
You vagina got "looser" over the years because your estrogen levels are dropping - the vagina is like ANY OTHER muscle the get a little bit more "slack" over the years. Kegel exercises CAN help a little, but TIME and AGE do have an impact on EVERY part of your body (including your vagina AND your husband's penis).
If you have stayed married and faith for your entire marriage, what and when did he start with the cheating accusations? Because it wouldn't be the first time a HUSBAND accuse his wife of cheating, because HE in fact is cheating himself. This is more than "loose vagina". He is a GROWN man and should KNOW just a little about HOW a body ages, after all HIS is aging too.
If he doesn't WANT to hear sense or trust that you are faithful, then WHY should YOU stay? I would not want to listen to that kind of garbage on a daily (or however often) basis when I have DONE nothing of the sort.
YOU deserve to be treated with love and respect, and he isn't doing that. So IF you have had enough... don't threaten with divorce, GET your ducks in a row - that means SAVE up some money for a place of your own, a lawyer, get a job and BE independent OF him - then FILE for divorce and MOVE out. (make sure you talk over the "exit plan" with your lawyer in cause you two OWN your house, because in SOME cases if you leave your husband can claim "abandonment" and then NOT have to share the equity of the house.
YOU don't OWE it to ANYONE to stay with this man.
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