A
male
age
36-40,
*poris13
writes:Okay this is long and....little embarrassed about this but here goes. 3 Years ago I had an affair with another women she was a close friend to me and my girlfriend. For an entire year I was seeing her off an on cause me and my girlfriend would always fight. At times my girlfriend would physically abuse me. When That started to happen I told her friend, we was both upset and she was very caring...one thing led to another I slept with her. I did it for a few months then stopped. I ran across a new job and things was good, but I got laid off and money became a big big problem I did not cheat on my girlfriend I just stood to myself and went to go spend time with my family cause they know me very well.My girlfriend assumed i was cheating a seoond time and I told her I wasn't, Over ht summmer we got into a big argument she told me one of the nights that she siad she had to work late she went to one of her co-workers house and kissed and got touchy with him. She says she did not have sex that she left cause she felt really bad. She kept it for a few months from me. Recently She told me she wanted to have sex with another guy at her job, that she feels that this will make things "even" and that I got to sleep with another women so she wants to make it fair. I spent the last 2 years trying to make things right, I understand that what I did was wrong...and very foolish. But She cheated on me and I did to her, she calls kissing and sexual contact "not cheating" and that She finds another dude hot. I ask her what did I do wrong, she says that I don't make her feel like I love her and this other dude is bigger then me and makes her laugh and he is nice. She wont tell me who cause she says i might end up confronting him and she doesn't want nobody to get hurt. She says that she still loves me but if she can deal with me having sex on outside, I should accept her doing it. We did have a threesome with another women...and that women WAS the girl I cheated on her with, a close friend that we both know. The other girl still loves me, so does my current girlfriend (We have a 2 yr old child) But she wants another dude. Im still upset about her with the other guy. Am I going to be punished forever over what I did?????
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affair, cheated on me, co-worker, kissing, money, sex with another, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): Thanks for the update.
This is very sad. After the cheating this relationship is def over.
I just hope that u both still are good parents and will co parent .
Next time No cheating. I think u learnt a valuable lesson.
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, Aporis13 +, writes (15 December 2010):
Aporis13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank everyone for the advice. I am really hurt by this and I still to this day regret what I did. I know we are supposed to stand up for one another and keep support. As the other post saying we both need to grow up...I agree. I was wrong and I lay in my grave for the hole I dig. I understand some people are attracted to another, but to want to have sex and use my wrong doing as an excuse? I offered her to either work it or I go, she continues to blame me for everything. I really love this women but I can't do this anymore. I only want to be happy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): Hey she needs to realize that the past is the past. She is bitter but I think she is also confused. Maybe she is using what happened as a reason to go to this guy. The fact that she not mentioning who he is is ONE major warning that she is about to take initiative. If she abused you, then you had no right to cheat you should have just left. But for her to tell you things about the other guy, she is literally trying to get you either hurt or really angry or both. I say Let her go, cause she will never forgive you and you will never redeem yourself. YOU BOTH need to look at yourself s and come to an agreement. Her wanting to mess with another guy at her job is obviously showing she does not love you as munch as she claims.
there is definitely alot wrong with this story, if I was you i would just leave. IF you live with her and this is going on be the man and walk out. NO relationship should be abusive, cheating and "having hots" for other poeple. We may find other people attractive but to the point where they want to have sex? NO WAY! that's not love dude that is a dangerous game with your heart. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): Now when the cheating is on the other foot, not a good feeling ,is it?I do not think you fully understand the extent of your cheating.Understand that she is HURT therefore she is acting out. This does not make it right but you need to understand it.I love the way you say that you do not want to pay for this, Mr. Remember you started the cheating and you continued for a while. Now you and your gf know why threesomes are a bad idea.Seems like now you are behaving so innocent and crushed. Realise that you started this and the threesome and affair, well you were the cats whiskers in this. Both you and your gf need to haul your asses to counselling. You both are very immature and you both need to grow up.If you want this relationship to work then you need to atone for your wrongdoing. As for the gf she is spitting mad, and the reality is that she has told you of her intentions.The only loser in this mess, created by you, is your innocent child.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (13 December 2010):
 i very much so have to agree with aunthonesty. She makes a very good point. I had a situation some what like this with two of my best friends. The guys is like a brother to me and to him i'm his sister. He was talking to me one day and told me he was simisingle. I was confused and asked what was going on. Come to find out that his gf would ignore him and act like the weren't dating when they were together, and then get all jealous when he tried talking to other women. So i told him to do what aunthonesty is telling you to do. Sit her down and tell her she needs to choose one or the other. He confronted her and did just that. She started yelling at him and he yelled back. Then went to opposite places and after a cool off period she sat down and talked with him again. Now they are together, expecting a baby girl, and about to get married. So i would tell you to do what aunthonesty is telling to. I hope everything works out ok for you.
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A
female
reader, perch +, writes (13 December 2010):
Okay so let me say the harsh reality here. I'm sorry to say but she is definitely in the wrong here. Cheating is bad regardless of the situation. You were mature enough to realize this and try to make things right. My advice to you would be to end it. You both have been hurt way to many times by each other and she is obviously not trying to heal the wounds. My question is why would you want to stay with this girl anyways? She was abusive, she is vengeful, and isn't mature enough to rekindle what was there. By the way, having a child with someone is NOT a legitimate reason to stay with that person. Things will be complicated and difficult for the three of you but its better than having your child grow up in a tense environment where mommy and daddy do not get along. Also, remember another huge factor is that there are plenty of diseases you could possibly get from her sleeping around. It only takes one time to mess up your life. So make the right choice for your daughter and yourself. Its also the right choice for your girlfriend because if she can't forgive you for your past, she will never be happy with you. Best wishes and hope this helps. I'm not trying to sound mean here this is just my opinion.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 You shouldn't be punished forever for what you did. But, it seems you will. Her cheating won't solve anything at all. And it seems nothing you do will, either. So my opinion is that you should leave.
I can understand her anger, but I don't share it. Another wrong does not make one right.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Ok first of what you did was in the past and am sure you no that you were in the wrong for cheating on her but i assume that she forgave you and was willing to give you a second chance. This does not excuse her wanting to sleep with another man and it does not give her a free pass to do so. Two wrongs do not make a right. Also sexual contact and kissing does mean cheating on a partner.
I'm honestly not sure how she can say she loves you and then goes and stays over at another mans house and now declares that she wants to have sex with him, if she was in a loving relationship with you she would not be wanting to have sex with him, she also wouldnt be saying to you that he is hot and also that he is bigger than you, this is cruel behaviour on her part to say the least.
If you ask me i think this relationship is over, its just not working and its obvious you are not enough for her. Sit down and talk to her, tell her you realise that you made a mistake in the past but that it is in the past and you cant just sit back and let her have sex with another man, tell her she is either commited to you or she is not, if she wants to have sex with this other man then she is free to do so but that you are finishing with her.
Goodluck.
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